Just struggling

[Juliet14]

I've been in a sucky place the last 2 months I feel very unloved by everyone including my family. I've felt very apart from them. I feel like nothing I do is right and I'm not good enough or good at anything at all. I love with my male cousin who's around the same age as me and my sister who's about 3 years younger than me and my family treats them like stars. I've never felt as if they've treated me like I was the bread winner in the family any how. But recently I've been very broken after I lost one of my best friends. One of my friends suggest that maybe he was never truly my friend, he just played me to try to get into my pants. Even though he treated me like one of his guy friends. And never intended us to hook up bc he was in a committed two year relationship and we talked about balls and hot girls. But then I confessed my love for him and we did end up having sex a few times. But then after awhile we decided it was best to stay friends and about a week went by and we were fine back to normal. Then suddenly silence and I've heard nothing from him since. And now I sit colorless in a colorful world. He was my best friend and I would give anything to have my BEST FRIEND back! I know I can't change what is done but the way we were as friends is undescribable. We were two different kids who were so alike. The point is I'm very broken and sad and don't want to see anything or anyone except my room in pitch black...

[Sam W]

Hi Juliet,

I'm sorry you've been feeling so low. I'm assuming this was the same dude who you were telling us about awhile back? If so, then I have to agree with your friends that maybe this guy was not as good of a friend to you as he appeared to be (or even if he did genuinely care about you as a friend, his behavior toward both you and his girlfriend was less than stellar). But that doesn't change the fact that you did care for him, and the hurt of losing a friend like this can take some time to heal. I think that a lot of what is said in this article may be helpful for you to read:
Getting Through a Breakup Without Actually Breaking

As for your family, is there even one member of it who you feel safe talking to about how you've been feeling? It may be that they're a little clueless about what's been going on in your life (or they can sense something is up but don't know what), so if there's someone you can open up to a little about "hey, been going through some stuff" (you don't need to get detailed if you don't feel comfortable with them knowing about the sex stuff), you might find that they are willing to support you.

I want to add that, if you're feeling really low, talking to someone who's trained to deal with this stuff (like a counselor) can be a sound decision. If you'd like, we can talk about how to find that type of resource for you. Beyond that, it can help to try and take care of yourself. Try spending time with friends who do care about or support you (even if it's just chatting online), so that you have a space where you feel loved. We have a bunch of suggestions for self-care techniques here: Self-Care a La Carte

[Juliet14]

Yes it is the same guy. And I would like to seek help in a counselor or therapist because I know my history of anxiety and depression aren't helping my cause of losing the one thing that helped me get out of my hole of despair. I just don't know how to tell my parents that's what I need. I'm not obviously very close with them and I feel like I need help from someone who knows what their talking about or doing. And really understand my pain and how to fix it. Because I've talk to a couple friends about what I've been going through. And it is nice for them to sit and listen to me but I can't fix it and they can't either bc neither of us know how to. I need someone to be able to know how to and to help me.

[Mo]

It can be tough to be open about mental health issues, even just enough to say that you feel bad enough that you'd like some professional help. But I think it is a good idea - as you said, having friends who are supportive is great but their support can't take the place of a counselor who can help you work through your feelings of anxiety and depression, vs. just listening and supporting you. I know you've said here you don't feel supported by your family right now, but do you think you could tell your parents that you're struggling (in general, if you like; you don't have to bring up how you feel in relation to them if now isn't the right time) and that you'd like to look into seeing a counselor? If you have a doctor you already see, they might be able to suggest someone so you can have a number ready to call when you start that conversation.

You can also access counseling/therapy on your own, without going through your parents, if you're able to get yourself to appointments. You may be able to do a search for free or low-cost therapy in your area, or even see if there's a counselor at your school you could see.