Trouble Feeling Myself

[a-day909]

I'm kind of going through my own personal sexual revolution. I've been sexually assaulted in the past and have had a pretty negative relationship with sex and my sexuality so I'm trying to remedy the situation. I've recently started trying to "go solo" with a vibrator and at times it's enjoyable but I have the hardest time finishing. I just feel like I hit a wall and it is very frustrating. To remedy the situation I've tried taking relaxing showers, lighting scented candles, playing music (a ton of The Weeknd), and even yoga but I just cant seem to get over this road block to climax. Has anyone else ever had this problem? Any tips or advice?

[Sam W]

Hi a-day,

First, a total long distance high five for starting your own personal sexual revolution and taking steps to explore your body! I think you're on the right track with the relaxation, as feeling tense can definitely make it harder to orgasm for some people. A tip that I can think of, and one that can feel counter intuitive, is to focus more on overall pleasure and sensation and less on orgasm. You're still exploring your body, still feeling good, but you're taking the pressure off even more, which can sometimes make it easier to climax. I would also say that just continuing to experiment with different positions, tempos, even toys could help too. Bodies are quirky, and it may be that you haven't yet found what works for yours just yet. Does that make sense?

[a-day909]

That makes perfect sense! I guess I kind of have been focusing on the finish line rather than the race. Do you have any toys to recommend? Non-penetrative but powerful.

[Sam W]

Yay, I'm glad you found it helpful! I know that the hitachi magic wand is beloved by many for being super strong (but definitely not for penetration). It has the bonus of being available at places like Target, since it's sold as a "personal massager." You can also do some digital window shopping on sites that sell sex toys to see if there are any that seem to be up your alley. And, since your profile says you're over 18, I can also recommend the site "oh joy sex toy." It's predominantly reviews of toys, so you may be able to find some ideas there as well.

[HsurNiarb]

I love Oh Joy Sex Toy, they are fantastic, and really relaxed and fun! All the info is in comic form, so... yay!