My girlfriend experiences pain during sex

[nielson95]

Hello!

My girlfriend and I have been together for a few months now and though we've been quite physically intimate already, we recently decided we wanted to start having vaginal sex, so we talked about it and decided on a date when we'd try.
We were really comfortable and excited about it and as we led up to the moment I told her if it hurt I'd stop and I promised she was completely in control of whatever we did that night (she's a virgin and I just didn't want to hurt her or anything). We began to make out and she got wet, I put on quite a bit of lube but then the second I put it in she said it hurt so I stopped.
After awhile she tried to push me in deeper but then she winced, so I stopped and asked if it still hurt and she said it did.
We continued just making out with me in her and she kept trying to push me in deeper but it seemed to be nothing but painful for her so we eventually stopped. She didn't bleed but she was definitely in pain and I feel just terrible about it. Since then she's been asking me if she's abnormal and if I'll still love her if she never 'learns' to enjoy having sex with me and I tell her that obviously 100% guaranteed I'd still love her and it's no big deal but aside from reassuring her, I don't know what to say.. I'm not very experienced and while I feel like the pain might go away after awhile, I'm not entirely sure..

We did attempt it again after that first time and she said it was still painful, but definitely not as much as before. And in this second attempt we actually got into the rhythm of having sex and she wasn't wincing or tensing up the same way as the first time. We even started chatting about stuff and she could laugh and all that which was nice but..but I can't get over the fact that she said it still hurt :'|
She wants to try again in a few days but I'm not so sure..I just can't help but feel really bad about it..because it seems to be hurting her enough that she doesn't seem to be able to physically enjoy any of it..

So..will her pain go away after a few times? Is it normal for it to hurt in the beginning?..
And is there anything I can do to make it feel better for her?..

Niel

[Sam W]

Hi Niel,

So, pain from sex is usually related to two things: lack of lube or feeling tense. If you haven't been using lube (or using very much of it) now is the time to start. It may also help to have a lot of foreplay and lead-up to penetration to help her feel relaxed. You can also give this a read for more details:
From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse

I think it would also be sound for you two to talk about how sex is not expected to painful, even the first few times. It often is, but mostly due to nerves or people not knowing about lube. So if she's trying to push through the pain because she thinks it's just how sex is, or that it will go away on its own, that's not a great pattern to establish. And, while it sounds like you've already been doing this, reiterating that she can tell you when it's painful.

[Carmen]

Niel,

It is awesome you two are able to have such open communication about sex and that you are being so aware and considerate of her well-being and sexual pleasure. I think Sam's suggestions are really great and I just wanted to reiterate that continuing to have this open dialogue with your girlfriend seems like a great approach. Having sex for the first time and figuring out how one's body works that way can definitely be a confusing and at times, hard thing to navigate. Everyone's body is different so there is certainly no one way that a body reacts or one answer that we can give you - but it sounds like you two are taking an active job in talking about it and figuring out the best way to have a healthy and happy sex life

[nielson95]

Hey Sam & Carmen!

Sorry for the late reply, it's been a hectic few weeks for me at school. Anyway thanks for your responses, I actually gave the article a read the other day and yeah, using extra lube helped! My girlfriend was really cool about it too and since then, every time we've done it has been better and better. Just yesterday we did it again- this time without any lube- and she said it didn't hurt at all (and in fact started feeling "kinda good"!). I feel so relieved now really hahahah

Anyway yeah just thought I'd pop by and update you guys, let you know how it went. Thanks for the help!