Just really good friends or something more?

[kirmele]

Hello new member here, who's pretty confused about her feelings (prepare for a long post)...

So, the story is as follows - at the beginning of this year I've met this fun guy. We met at the selection interview for study abroad in our university. Fast forward to present time - we're both studying abroad in the same university. We hit off pretty much straight away (maybe the first few days together have been awkward, but then again - we pretty much were strangers at that point). He's funny, cute, really really smart and just generally very nice guy and we spent a lot of time together. And I started to notice, that maybe I like him more than like a friend. Point is, that I don't know whether it's just another one sided crush or in the case that I really like him, whether that feeling is mutual... Our campus is bus ride away from nearest shopping centre or the city itself. He often goes out of his way to help me with something that he can do, like buying me my favourite jam (even though I didn't ask), missing a bus, when another doesn't come for at least couple of hours, so he could go and buy me some groceries in nearby store... He takes interest in my hobbies, interests, studies, taste of music (asking about my favourite styles and even gives a chance to some styles he didn't really like before). He often makes stupid bets with me and making me laugh, almost constantly he teases me or treats me to dinner, when he looses a bet. He also recently started to touch me more - like tousling my hair... I don't know if he's doing that just because we're really good friends or is he trying to show that he kind of likes more than a friend?.. I don't want to make any assumptions or say anything about it directly to him, because I'm afraid of making our friendship really awkward if I misunderstood his intentions...

[Ashleah]

Hey Kirimele,

Welcome to the boards!

I know you want to avoid talking to him about this, but that is really the only way for you to know for sure what he is feeling.

Do you feel that if he is not interested in a romantic relationship that you would not want to his friend? I ask because liking someone in this way does not mean the relationship has to end or even necessarily change. Yes, sometimes it can be awkward, but awkwardness is something that ends and it is something friends can work through!!!

[kirmele]

I'm kind of scared of talking to him about that. It's my first serious crush and I'm very confused about everything... I know that I would want us to stay friends, even if he's not interested in me romantically.

[Heather]

Well, how about you talk about what you feel scared of? What's scary about this? What's got you worried? What could the positive outcomes be? What could the unwanted outcomes be?

If you can get a handle of what, exactly, you're scared of, it can be easier to work through it.

[kirmele]

So, I think some update on the situation is due. After one of my friends gave a good (virtual) kick to the behind and told me just to say it to him, I've done it. I actually went and said that I like him. And... He likes me back as more than a friend and now we're kind of dating. It's all really awkward now, since we both have no idea what to do next (and I can't stop laughing from our situation)

[Eddie C]

Glad to hear things worked out well for you! Awkward-ness doesn't necessarily have to bad, it can even be something fun to talk about later.

[Mo]

One thing that might be nice to keep in mind is that dating can look like whatever you both decide it should look like. It's easy to find a lot of other people's opinions about what a "good date" is or how people should structure a relationship but you don't have to do any of that. So, if you're both feeling a bit awkward and clueless it's ok to be in that place, and ok to spend some time together sorting out exactly what "being in a relationship" means to you.

I think this article might be helpful to take a look at while you're thinking about all this: Hello, Sailor! How to Build, Board and Navigate a Healthy Relationship