Almost 30 and never kissed a girl.

[Jwashere]

Is it time to see a "professional"?

A little about myself:
I was born a guy, plan to stay that way, and am attracted to girls.
I'm 5'8", 210lbs, and have health issues out the wazoo.

There was a short period in high school where I was good looking and physically active but I didn't take advantage of it. Now self reinforcing biopsychosocial issues have worked against me and are making me feel that I may never find the girl for me. I'm going to college, but most of my classes are online and those that aren't are filled with dudes. The few girls there aren't attractive to me or are already taken. For now I'm stuck working a minimum wage job preparing pizzas, and while there are two fine ladies at my work, they're 16 and 17 and way out of my league. Also I'm stuck living with my mother and worrying about my health issues getting worse and my plumbing working less reliably than it already does.

Personally I have no moral qualms about sex workers, however the local law enforcement does. On one hand it's not legal, on the other hand it's common enough that Craigslist has dozens of pages of "dating" ads.

What are the pros and cons of getting a pro?
- It's not legal, it's expensive. She really knows her stuff, she's seen it all before.

Is sex a big enough thing that I should go find a lady of the evening to run the bases with before I hit 30?
- Many people go their entire lives without sex or dating, 30 is just a number. I have dangley-bits that really want to feel twiddly-bits, with my health problems 30 may be "mid-life".

Should I wait till I get my degree and hope it leads to a career, life and wife?
- It's only 3-4 more semesters, hot programmer chicks rule. Should I wait to win the lottery too? It may take more than 4 semesters, I may not get a decent job straight out of school.

Is it good to learn this skill from someone really experienced, or should I wait and let a girl I care about emotionally to guide me?
- Sex could and should be a bonding experience between caring people. You should learn from the best, or at least someone really good.


PS: I know this is Scarleteen but the subtitle says "...Information and help for teens and 20's", and this is the best sex positive board I've found. Also I know I answered some of my questions and formatted this like an open letter to myself to help organize my thoughts, but any input would still be greatly appreciated.

[Heather]

As is made clear in our registration agreement, we cannot discuss unlawful activity with users here, and ask everyone- including for their own protection- not to post questions about or admissions of any.

We CAN talk about things that are not outside the law, however, such as feeling lonely or behind sexually, or about how to pursue dating when you're inexperienced and/or dealing with chronic health issues.

[Jwashere]

My bad, feel free to nuke this thread... Or pretend I'm somewhere it's legal Kidding.
Thanks for the inspiring me to look at this part of my life more.

[Heather]

And again, we can certainly talk with you about what is lawful, and I think the larger issues at hand here that we can talk about are the real issues, anyway, and wouldn't be well addressed just by finding someone to have sex with, whoever that person may be.

[Sunshine]

[quote="Jwashere"]Is it time to see a "professional"?

Is it good to learn this skill from someone really experienced, or should I wait and let a girl I care about emotionally to guide me?

You know, it always really confuses me when people talk of sex as a skill. It's not like there's anything really complicated or difficult to the mechanics of it - or at least there doesn't have to be. I am about your age (too old to be on here, really, but so far the staff has been very kind about it, thanks again to everybody for that!) and looking back on my sexual experience, there definitely was a learning curve, but it has absolutely nothing to do with any kind of "technique" and everything to do with being comfortable inside my own body, communication and trust. Those are the things I think people should strive to be experienced in / good at when it comes to sex, and you can teach them to yourself, with or without a partner.

I am not trying to dismiss your desire to be sexual with someone sooner rather than later or disparage casual sex. All I am trying to say is that sleeping with one person will not necessarily make sex with the next person better, no matter how experienced your first partner was. Sex is not like playing the piano or riding a bicycle. People are so different... it's not like there are secret buttons you can learn to push or cool tricks that everybody likes. How boring would sex be if this was the case! In fact, what would remain of it?

There really shouldn't be any kind of pressure. Nobody should expect you to "perform" in bed, and if they do, then they can go find somebody else. I think sex is about enjoying and exploring and loving (be it for one night or for eternity).

I hope your health issues will stay manageable and I wish you lots of success with your studies.