Virginity

[Tomas_]

I'm 16 and I've been wanting to lose my virginity for a few years now. I've heard my friends talking about losing theirs and how good it felt and I'm jealous. I want to lose it so badly but don't really want to make an effort to go out and find a girl to lose my virginity to. Even though I like to masturbate and watch porn a fair amount, I do get bored of it from time to time and actually want to have sex and feel the pleasure that I watch people get in porn. I don't want to wait until I'm like out of high school to lose it because it's been bothering me that I still haven't lost it.

[Sam W]

Hi Tomas,

Let's start with a question: Aside from being able to experience the feelings that you perceive as accompanying partner sex, what else would you say is behind your desire to lose your virginity? For instance, can you share with me why it bothers you to not have lost it?

Too, virginity is one of those things that has a lot of misconceptions around it. For instance, virginity is not even a concrete thing. It's an idea, and what "counts" as virginity is variable depending on who you talk to. There's also this idea that virginity needs to be lost as soon as possible, when really that doesn't reflect the reality of sex and relationships. There is no timeline or deadline when it comes to those things.

[Tomas_]

It bothers me why I haven't lost it is because one: I get tired of self pleasure and I want a partner to do sexual things with. And two: I like the thought of sex with a partner, I don't want to sound like a sex freak but I love the idea of sex and doing it for both pain and pleasure.

[Sam W]

So, it's pretty common for teenagers to start being curious about what partnered sexual activity feels, or to want the chance to engage in those activities.

The complications come with figuring out or understanding a number of things. For instance, who would you be comfortable engaging in sexual stuff with? Would it be casual, or do you want it to happen within the relationship? Do you understand what the risks are of having sex, and are you okay with taking them (and does your partner feel the same). That's just a sample of things to consider. You can find a lot more in these articles:
Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist
Risky Business: Learning to Consider Risk and Make Sound Sexual Choices
Sorting Maybe from Can't-Be: Reality Checking Partnered Sex Wants & Ideals

It can also help to think about what your expectations are around partnered sex. Are you hoping it will feel way better, or way different after it happens? Are you imagining you'll be a different person after it? And then cross those expectations with some of the articles above (especially the last one)

[Heretheirony]

Ik you might not want to hear this , but from expiriance wait it out till your atleast start the pull of you already haven't . There's a lot of disadvantages that come with loosing your virginity , the bleeding , scars for uti and std's , pregnancys .

[Mo]

Hi Heretheirony,

While we certainly do want to make sure people understand the potential risks with any type of sexual activity, I want to make sure we aren't presenting any of these risks as something that will definitely happen.