Was i raped?? and are these feeling normal.

[turtle7171]

Don't know if i can post this, so sorry if i am doing this wrong...
Need help to understand what happened and if my feeling are normal,
So i meet up with a guy i meet on a night out after we was talking for a couple of weeks, things started to move fast, and we both had feeling for each other, and took a huge step and meet up for a really good date and then went back to his, both sober. One thing lead to another and then he started to under dress me and i said i dunno if i can do this and he said it would be fine and just relax, and after he took all my clothes of and started to finger me, i said no i couldn't go though with it (as it was my first time), so said stop, tried to push him off with no success and him not listening, i just let him do what he wanted, as i didn't move, make any noise.

However after it happened i got changed and left, and blocked him on all social media accounts, so after month with no contract, a few days ago he messaged me of his new number asking if we could talk, just ignoring him and wanting him to forget what happened, and move on, he messaged again and again asking if we could talk for a while and he was saying can we talk after a long think , i agreed and then we been messaging him as he says sorry, he didn't mean it and that it was a huge mistake, and asked if we can see if we can make it work ??, However , until he got back in contact i had no feeling for him and know i like him more then i didn't before it happened and i don't know what to do and if this is normal to feel like this...
Thank you for your help.

[Heather]

Welcome to the boards, turtle. I'm glad you found us.

I hear you clearly describing a sexual assault here. You said no, he didn't accept that answer, and it was so clear to you he was going to do what he wanted, you stopped trying to resist. That's how a lot of sexual assault goes: the fact that you tried to hold your line and gave up because it seemed pointless doesn't make this not-an-assault. It just makes it sadly typical. It is also typical to have conflicted feelings about someone who assaulted us.

I am so sorry that you were assaulted.

What can we do for you with this? And do you need any help blocking this guy again so that he can't keep contacting you? Suffice it to say, we won't ever advise someone go see someone who did them harm: this person is unsafe. He showed you that when he assaulted you.

[Heather]

(Just FYI, I am heading out of work today, so apologize in any lag with responses. I, and other staff, will be here tomorrow.)