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I'm not too sure what I'm asking exactly, and probably won't be able to articulate myself too well, but here it goes.
Last night, I was at a party with some friends. Afterward, three of us good friends went to stay at one of our houses, and another guy asked to stay (none of us really knew him well but he is a flatmate of another good friend of ours and seemed like a good guy, I'll call him Tony), so we all agreed. Later on when we're all back at my friend's house for the night, one friend is asleep in his room, one friend is asleep on the floor, and it is only myself and Tony that are awake and we're watching tv. Tony then put his head on my shoulder, which I found a bit strange since I didn't know him at all, but essentially thought nothing much of as we'd all been drinking and he seemed like a nice guy. He then tried to hold my hand, to which I snatched my hand away; this did set off alarm bells but I essentially also dismissed it as nothing much happened after I did this. After 15 minutes or so, I moved to another couch to try and sleep. Tony followed me and forced me into the position of me having my legs in his lap while he rubbed them. As much as I kept trying to move my legs away and have him return to the other couch (as well as me telling him to stop) he was stronger and kept forcing me back to that position. I then made up that I had to go to the bathroom, and upon returning I moved my things to the other couch to sleep. Tony once again followed, and much of the same happened. I ended up being able to kick him off the couch, and he then leaned in and kept trying to kiss me several times, each time he kept planting his lips on my face and neck and kept trying to go for my lips. I pushed him away every time but this continued. I then managed to get to the other couch, to which he tried once more. He then finally asked if I wanted to sleep with him, to which I replied with a firm no. He continued by suggesting we do other things (I won't say exactly as I feel like it'd be a bit TMI), to which I responded with another no. I then made up that I had my period, and although he tried to convince me to do so otherwise, and even asked me whether I'd have slept with him if I didn't have my period (another solid no), my friend luckily began to wake up, and he eventually went to walk home in the middle of the night.
I haven't been able to stop thinking about this since it happened. And every time I do, I feel disgusted with myself, angry and upset. It makes me want to cry each time. At the time I didn't want to wake my friend who I knew who was tired, but in hindsight I definitely should've. I also feel like I could've been more firm when I said no (he told me about his insecurities at one point and maybe I didn't want to upset him further?)
I guess I'm basically trying to determine whether it IS something that I should even be getting upset about. I've learnt all about assault and rape through my education and consider myself quite knowledgeable in these areas, but I don't know whether the above counts, or WHAT the above is (if it is anything).
Thank you so much in advance for reading, and I'm sorry that my post is so long and graphic. Any advice at all would be appreciated
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