I hate my breast.. they are so ugly.

[kmayyy631]

I'm 14 years old and totally hate my breast ! They sag and point downwards, my nipple on my left breast takes up almost the whole bottom of my breast and my right is just a little big .. but acceptable . I'm only a 34b & I just don't understand why they sag and point down . My nipples aren't at all centered they are very low and my areolas are huge. Me and my boyfriend are sexually active but I keep my shirt on because I'm just so scared . He's seen them in pictures and says he loves them , but that's only after I get my nipples as hard as they can get and position myself to where they look somewhat perky, I know he'd still love me if he did see them because he's not the type of guy to leave just because of that ... it's just not something I want him to see. All of my friends have decent, nice, perky breast .. I know I should love myself for the way I am but I HATE them.. Please help ..

[Heather]

Welcome to the boards!

How about we start with a little education about breasts?

The sag, or "slope" of breasts isn't determined by size. It also usually has little to do with gravity, and a lot more to do with genetics than anything else. Breasts of all sizes can, and often do, sag , point down, or both. Nipples also come in a seriously wide array of sizes and shapes, as well as where they are on the breast. On top of all that, at 14 you are not at all likely done with your breast development, so any of how your breasts look now may still change in any number of ways (be that ways you like, ways you don't, or ways you feel neutral about).

Breasts vary a LOT, so if all your friends breasts look the same, either you haven't seen that many of them up-close-and-personal or your friends all have very similar genetics OR their development is just such that they look that way for now...but probably still have changes ahead. And it's not like only one kind of breast is "nice." maybe you feel that way about a given kind of shape of breast, that only some kinds of breasts look nice, but just know people are way more diverse in their tastes than that most of the time, even if you, yourself, aren't. Know what I mean?

Do you feel like you even feel ready, with your boyfriend, to be naked with him? In other words, whether it's just about this body part or others, do you feel like you, yourself, feel confident and assertive enough yet to be sharing your breasts with someone?

Also, have you talked with him about how you feel? Sometimes just telling a partner we have a part or parts we don't feel very confident about can help, especially since when we do that, they'll often share a part or parts of their own body they feel similarly about, so it can help to make you feel less insecure and worried.

[kmayyy631]

It's just this body part that bothers me , I'm fine with all of the rest . And in particular only my left one .. they look like they belong to two different people! They're pretty close in size my left is just slightly bigger which doesn't bother me .

My boyfriend is aware that I do not like them , but he just tells me he'll love me no matter what and that he could care less .. I think it's just me more than anything , I've been bothered by them for about a year or a little more now. I just hate that I can't be comfortable with them .. Every time I look at them I just think about how much I dislike them.

[Heather]

I personally find it helpful when I am feeling stuck with something like this to remind myself that there is undoubtedly at least one person -- and probably way more -- who has something about their body that looks exactly like mine but that they feel good about. That helps remind me that all of this -- seriously, all of it -- really is about our ideas and thoughts, which we can usually change, especially over time.

In other words, someone with breasts just like yours somewhere feels positively about theirs. Probably in large part because they are not putting energy into hating on them, or because they are not idealizing parts that look radically different from theirs and thus deciding their parts are ugly or wrong.

What do you think you could do to work to change your mind, or at least take a first step by cutting down on the hating so much?

Too, until you DO feel comfortable showing them, is there a reason you feel like it isn't okay to keep your shirt on if that's what makes you feel comfortable for now?

[Mo]

I'm wondering if it would be helpful for you to see more breasts in general, in a neutral and non-sexual context, to get a better sense of the huge range of breast sizes and shapes. One site I found that has a lot of nonsexual breast photos is Our Breasts and there are more out there, if you want to take a look.
I think most people don't have many chances to see what other bodies look like in a "normal" and every-day context; it's easy to find images of semi-nude models and celebrities, or naked images in pornography, but often those images are retouched or only depict a type of body that only a small percentage of people have. Seeing unedited photos of a wider range of people might help you see the beauty in those different types of breasts, and eventually in your own.

[Casey]

One thing that helped me feel better about my breasts was thinking about what I am attracted to in my partners. I don't want someone perfect or everyone exactly the same, that'd be boring! I love the parts of people that make them unique, they are beautiful.

Also, you might have to give it more time to be comfortable enough with your partner, or with yourself. Breasts can be hard to get used to sometimes, they just kind of show up, causing all this trouble.