Being Control of the Physical Aspects of Your Relationship

[Karyn]

I'm not entirely sure where Heather was going with their comment about seeing men as your brothers, but I'd venture a guess that it has something to do with learning to view men not as this totally incomprehensible group of people, but just as...well, people. People who you can communicate with and express yourself around in the same way that you would with anyone else you know or are getting to know. It's easier said than done, of course; there's a lot of cultural messaging around that says that when you're attracted to someone there are certain ways you have to act, but those messages are bunk and don't do anyone any favours and keeping that in mind might be helpful.

Per the pregnancy question, yes, many people on the shot don't get periods, which obviously makes it impossible to know when a period has been missed! Honestly, it's quite rare for people not to be aware that they're pregnant until later on in a pregnancy, and in such cases it's usually because the person is using a method of birth control like the shot, and/or they're very out of touch with their body. Going forward for you, if using the pill and condoms is the combination you're most comfortable with, then that's the best combination for you to use.

As for the gyno visits, if you're not getting a pap every year, usually the visit will involve a chat with the doctor to see if you have any specific concerns, a visual exam and a pelvic exam, and any other tests for STIs that you might need.

[Scarlett1]

That actually does make sense about trying to view men as just another person. Yea, I think I'm just trying to shrug off some of that cultural messaging which unfortunately I have picked up growing up.

Ok, that's good to know her case was super extreme. It was definitely something I was taken aback by, I assume most people figure it out very early on when they don't have any bleeding?

Oh I thought a pap was a pelvic exam, can they do some kind of pelvic exam that isn't that, how does that work? Based on what I've experienced, do I need to test for STIs? I heard if you've mostly done dry sex with clothes on and once stuff maybe getting on my back/possibly butt area I'm good?

[Scarlett1]

Sorry I have so many questions about my upcoming obgyn appointment, I just am gonna try to go by myself this time I think. I just want to make sure I'm in control of my health and am educated, I feel like previously my appointments have gone really quick too, is this normal?

[Karyn]

No problem, answering questions is what we're here for! (And sorry for the slow response.)

The vast majority of people who are pregnant realise that they are early on: it's very unusual for someone not to be aware that they're pregnant - or at least that something is different with their body - until late in a pregnancy.

As far as a gyn exam goes, a pap smear is just one part of a complete exam, the bit where the doctor uses a special swab to brush your cervix to collect cells that they then check for any abnormalities. A full gyn exam usually includes at least a visual exam of your genitals and a bimanual exam, where the doctor puts one or two fingers inside your vagina and then presses on your abdomen to look for any tender or sore spots. You can read more about that here: Your First Gynecologist Visit

If you've not had any kind of sexual contact with someone else that can pose risks of STIs, it's unlikely that the doctor will recommend getting screened, but that's something to talk about with them: you'll want to describe exactly the kinds of sex you've engaged in so that they can assess your possible risks. If you've felt that in the past appointments have gone too quickly and you're left with unanswered questions, it may help to mention that at the start of the appointment, and even write down a list of things you want to make sure you discuss with the doctor.

[Scarlett1]

Ok, awesome. That all totally makes sense. Is dry humping, getting ejaculate on your clothes, and or having someone ejaculate on your back (I know your butt area is close so I'm not sure) a risk for any STIs?

[Karyn]

Dry humping and getting ejaculate on your clothes do not pose any risks of STIs. As for having someone ejaculate on your back, that depends on whether there was any skin-to-skin contact preceding the ejaculation. This piece goes into detail about what does and does not pose risks of STI transmission: Can I Get Pregnant, or Get or Pass On an STI From That?

[Scarlett1]

I got a chance to look at the article, what if there wasn't skin to skin contact preceding the ejaculation? I don't think their penis touched my body. Thanks as always for your help!