Feeling the pressure

[naturalway505]

Hi! I've already posted some pregnancy risks problems, but now I would like to ask something different. Me and my girlfriend have a long distance, and we've been together for like 10 months, and we had sex many times, and some pregnancy scares. But now, I'm feeling the weight of ruining your future because of some momentaneous pleasure, and I don't know if we should have sex anymore. But on the other side, I feel like she'll think I'm being too paranoid about it, and somehow this can ruin our relationship too. I like having sex, who doesn't? But, I'm worried about the future. I really love her, do you think abstaining from sex can somehow affect our relationship? Do you think I'm being paranoid? We had only condoms for the last 8 months, and I'm just having sex with her (with condoms) on safe days now (FAM).I'm seeing her this monday and that's two days after ovulation. I told her it's better to avoid sex that day. She thinks I'm exaggerating, that as long as we use the condom correctly, we're fine. But I still have that weight on my mind. =( Thanks for all the help you guys provide. For real.

[Sam W]

Hi naturalways,

That's a conversation that will need to happen between you and her. Abstaining from sex can sometimes alter a relationship, but if you're feeling repeated anxiety as a result of sex that's a sign that abstaining for awhile is a sound choice. Do you feel like you can talk about your thoughts about abstaining with her? Has the topic come up before?

It sounds like these articles may also help you out right now:
Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist

[naturalway505]

Hi naturalways,

That's a conversation that will need to happen between you and her. Abstaining from sex can sometimes alter a relationship, but if you're feeling repeated anxiety as a result of sex that's a sign that abstaining for awhile is a sound choice. Do you feel like you can talk about your thoughts about abstaining with her? Has the topic come up before?

It sounds like these articles may also help you out right now:
Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist

Hi Sam W,

Thank you. Indeed. I'm almost 21, and she's almost 19. So we're very young. Yeah I have a lot of anxiety. It's mainly because I'm perfectionist, and that 2% on the risk on a method scares me a lot. Well the topic kinda came up, but not about abstaining for a long period, but abstaining on fertile days, and she thought I was exaggerating. She'll definitely accept If I wanted to abstain from sex, but I think it will affect us somehow. But, as you said, I'll never know until I talk to her. But If she really loves me, and likes me for who I am, I'm sure that won't be a problem. Afterall, love isn't all about sex. Thank you for you advice. Maybe I need some time, or she can try to find a combination of very reliable methods. Do you have any suggestion? Thanks Sam!

[Sam W]

You're welcome!

When you think abstaining might affect the two of you, what outcome(s) do you imagine?

As far as combining methods, if you and she are interested in exploring other options this article gives a rundown of which combinations offer the most protection: The Buddy System: Effectiveness Rates for Backing Up Your Birth Control With a Second Method

[naturalway505]

You're welcome!

When you think abstaining might affect the two of you, what outcome(s) do you imagine?

As far as combining methods, if you and she are interested in exploring other options this article gives a rundown of which combinations offer the most protection: The Buddy System: Effectiveness Rates for Backing Up Your Birth Control With a Second Method

I feel like she will be a little upset with our relationship, even though she really likes me too, and since we're at our highest production of hormones, sometimes tricking your body with your mind is complicated, and what I think is, she'll probably take the path where she finds someone else to do it. I don't mean it consciously, but unconsciously her mind will make excuses for not continuing the relationship. It's our first serious relationship, so I don't know much about it. I hope not. But since we see each other very few times in a month, abstaining from sex can be hard for her. But I'll talk to her properly. =/

[Sam W]

So, there is the potential that if this becomes a pretty long term shift, she might decide that her needs are not being met and choose to end the relationship. That would be a bummer, but it is something that could happen that you ought to be prepared for. On the other hand, couples who decide to dial back their sexual behavior can find all sorts of ways of maintaining that intimacy and pleasure they associate with sex. I'd have that conversation and then see where you two go from there.

[naturalway505]

So, there is the potential that if this becomes a pretty long term shift, she might decide that her needs are not being met and choose to end the relationship. That would be a bummer, but it is something that could happen that you ought to be prepared for. On the other hand, couples who decide to dial back their sexual behavior can find all sorts of ways of maintaining that intimacy and pleasure they associate with sex. I'd have that conversation and then see where you two go from there.

I'm ready for that outcome too. Cause the fear of a pregnancy and not being able to do what I've always dreamed is so overwhelming that I'm really ready for anything. But as you said, I'll really try to make it work by other means, I'll do my best and have that conversation with her. Thanks a lot again Sam! Wish you a magical day! (by an ex disney cast member) hahaha'

[Sam W]

You're welcome

[Heather]

since we're at our highest production of hormones, sometimes tricking your body with your mind is complicated

Just FYI, I am not sure what you mean by this or where you are getting this information, but there is no one time of life when a person is "at their highest production of hormones," and if you are talking about what we call sex hormones, know that those don't actually control sexuality, nor does anyone need to "trick" the body with the mind (of course, your brain also is part of the body, so that's a false dichotomy in the first place) to not have sex with partners.