My mother screamed at me over my gender identity again...

[KittyPink]

I really am kind of used to it, when it happened consistently. But it caught me by surprise and I'm having issues. I'm also be compared to people who she went to school with. Including two gay, feminine guys; one of which brought a gun to the school because of him being bullied.

[Sam W]

Hi Kittypink,

I'm so sorry she did that, and that she's done it enough times that it's normal for you. You deserve to live in a space where you're not being constantly antagonized, and it sucks that you don't. With the issues your having, can you tell us more about them? Is there something in particular we could help with?

[KittyPink]

Hi Kittypink,

I'm so sorry she did that, and that she's done it enough times that it's normal for you. You deserve to live in a space where you're not being constantly antagonized, and it sucks that you don't. With the issues your having, can you tell us more about them? Is there something in particular we could help with?

As far as those issues, I'm just running on fumes and I just really need like some uplifting words, or something. And a funny thing with the antagonization, I'm being told I only come to antagonize people. I'm not sure what you could help with.

[Heather]

I wonder if you have tried visualizing -- or even just writing out, like a story -- your life after you are able to leave home. In other words, as much as this stinks, it is temporary, and there is a life for you on the other side of it that doesn't have to involve your family if they are going to be this way. Does daydreaming about it help you get through at all? It often can when trying to get through a life that, in the present, blows.

[KittyPink]

I wonder if you have tried visualizing -- or even just writing out, like a story -- your life after you are able to leave home. In other words, as much as this stinks, it is temporary, and there is a life for you on the other side of it that doesn't have to involve your family if they are going to be this way. Does daydreaming about it help you get through at all? It often can when trying to get through a life that, in the present, blows.

I daydream a lot, to begin with. I've never wrote about my life after leaving on my own. I have visualized it, post-18 and also by magical miracles getting emancipated (though no magic involved, at least that I know of.) With the emancipation, the visualization often is a little bit more of a fantasy, than actually plausible.

[Heather]

Do you want information about emancipation, or to talk about things you can start doing to make that possible for you in time?

[KittyPink]

Do you want information about emancipation, or to talk about things you can start doing to make that possible for you in time?

I already looked at info for emancipation, it's not possible in my state, unless it's a special circumstance.

[Heather]

Argh, Ohio. I swear.

Okay, so looks like this is all about just figuring out how you're going to get through the next few years at home, then, unless you can think of another option (like asking a family member who might be more supportive to live with them).

IME, as someone who had to bide their time in an abusive home before they could leave (I left just before I turned 16, but not legally, so it was a highly risky situation, but I even has to wait a while for that opportunity), I know how this slog can go, and how long it can feel like it's dragging on. In my experience, looking back, I feel like just doing all I can to get through each day, and keep my sense of self fully intact each day, was what got me through it. I did do a lot of daydreaming and planning for when I left -- particularly so the moment I could, I was completely ready for it, so wouldn't miss that opportunity. I also did all I could to get additional support (did you ever follow up with that group I linked you to? If so, what's up with that situation and possible source of help?). I did all I could to use my outlets for my feelings. For me, those were music, writing and art, not sure what they are for you.

[KittyPink]

My family is kinda not really an option, the only other idea would be seeing about maybe living with a friend's family.

As far as planning, I need to catch-up with setting a base for the later years. (Oh, and how to move my finances to use savings to the best possible value.) That group probably isn't a likely idea.

[Sam W]

One step then might be to start feeling out the social supports you do have and seeing what needs they can fill as you wait this out and once you make your escape (for instance, who is an amazing sounding board and who has a couch you could sleep on in an emergency).

When you talk about setting a base for the years ahead, what would that include for you beyond securing your finances?

With the group, am I remembering correctly that the hitch was getting there?

[KittyPink]

Well, while I'm looking for a place and saving the money up I'll either cohabituate or just crash at a friend's house. As far as setting that base, I just mean a general game plan. (Like where to go, or how to manage things like jobs and moving and college. Speaking of college, that's the fun part... I need to find a way to pay for that.)

[Sam W]

Got it. I think, then, when you're daydreaming or writing about the future where you've gotten out, that's a really useful space to test-run some of that planning (that's not to say the exercise of dreaming isn't useful all on it's own, because it so is).

[KittyPink]

Given I have the adaptability of dreaming of either complete fantasy or realistically with this, I could set parameters to test run some of that planning. Not to mention I could simulate it writing it out.

[Sam W]

Those sound like excellent ideas