feeling very unwanted

[avaiara]

lately my boyfriend (we've been together 9 months) hasn't been lasting very long during sex. he only gets 4-5 pumps in before he finishes. when we first began having sex, he would last anywhere from 20-25 minutes. i talked to him about it and he assures me that it isn't because of me, that he loves me. but i can't help feeling it IS because of me. this whole situation is making me feel very unwanted. am i just being used as an object? i feel really crumby. i feel like i'm doing something wrong. he's always been good to me but i feel like maybe he isn't as attracted to me as he says. :/

[Sam W]

Hi avaiara,

Can I ask how mutually enjoyable sex is right now and how much it involves things other than penetration? In other words, are the two of you being sexual in a variety of ways that make you feel connected? And given that he's told you that this isn't because of you, what is your thought process that's making you feel like it is?

You mention that he lasted longer previously, but the length of time you're describing right now is actually pretty standard. As explained in this article http://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodie ... nd_also_ow three minutes of intercourse is pretty average, and it has nothing to do with how attracted the people involved are to one another. So, four or five minutes of penetration does not mean anyone is doing anything "wrong."