I think I upset someone

[Volleygirl22]

So as you know, I’ve had a girlfriend for a while now. But I have this really good guy friend. Earlier today, he asked me if I’d like to go out with him sometime, like to Starbucks or something...as a date. I told him that I’m in a relationship. (I have been keeping it a secret from everyone because I didn’t know how they would react). He seemed really happy for me and was really supportive, but he seemed a little bummed. He’s liked me for a while, apparently. I’m just afraid that I hurt him or something and now I feel bad

[Siân]

Hi Volleygirl22

You know, as we go through life and are interested in romantic relationships with people there we are all going to have times where we ask if someone is interested and they say no, and sometimes we're going to be the one's saying no, and all of that is ok.

I actually think that this is a pretty good outcome - you say your friend was happy for you and supportive. It's normal for him to feel a little disappointed but it doesn't have to derail your friendship. Is there a particular reason you feel bad, or is it simply because someone you care about is bummed?

Moving forward, have you spoken to your friend about what you and they need just now to maintain your friendship? Do you want to carry on as normal? Do they need a bit of space for a moment to reset?

[Volleygirl22]

Hello! Sorry, I haven’t been on in a while!! I gave him some space for a while, but he said that’s not what he needed. We’re doing great and are still friends and hang out. I actually introduced him to a friend of mine not long after and he asked her out a few days ago

Mainly the reason I felt bad was because I knew I bummed him out. He didn’t say it outright, but I’ve known him for so long and was able to see it in his eyes. But everything has been okay since then

[Mo]

When we're talking about dating and relationships, sometimes it's impossible to avoid hurting someone's feelings. It can be really tough when someone you care about is interested in you and you don't feel the same way, or don't feel like it's the right time to explore those feelings for some reason. What you can control is how you turn someone down, but no matter how gently and compassionately you do it, there's often no way to avoid the other person feeling hurt. I wouldn't say it's your fault any more than it's their fault for asking, you know? It sounds like the two of you have maintained a good friendship, which is great to hear.