My girlfriend can't handle vaginal sex

[Ian]

So, to make a long story short,me and my current girlfriend have been together 8 months and what started out as a skepticism to even hug, eventually turned into a sexually active relationship. We both thoroughly enjoy the foreplay we engage in and we are both able to make each other cum with just our hands, however we aren't able to perform vaginal intercourse; or should I say that she can't. The first time it was suggested, we were both open to trying it. when I attempted to insert my penis, it was unmanageably painful for her. We've tried several other times over the past few months with the same unfortunate results. She is a virgin (I am not) so my immediate thought is to blame that, but now I'm not so sure.

I've tried with and without condoms to see if there was any change (she is on the pill). I have inserted up to two fingers inside of her all of the way with no issue, but as soon as anything past the tip of my penis is in her, it hurts her. I always make sure that she is aroused when I suggest it (heavy petting, light fingering, dirty talk, body caressing, the works) and we make sure to use plenty of water based lubricant, but nothing is working.

I don't think I'm doing anything directly wrong since I've had vaginal sex with my ex-girlfriend before (also a virgin before me) and that was surprisingly easy and enjoyable for the both of us. I'm just wondering if there is anything either of us should try or if I might be doing something wrong. It makes me sad when she in pain because I want it to be an enjoyable experience for both of us, but as of now our sexual relationship has plateaued.

[Heather]

Welcome to the boards, Ian.

Just not having had intercourse before doesn't usually cause pain all by itself, though the deep-seeded belief it will be or must be painful can. I say that because if someone were having some kind of physical issue that would cause pain with intercourse, we generally see the same pain occurring with something like manual sex. But you make clear that's not an issue.

However, I'd go ahead and suggest she get any physical issues ruled out by seeing a sexual healthcare provider and asking them about this. If she does that and they don't see any physical causes for this pain/discomfort, then you -- and even more ideally, she -- can come back here and we can take the next step and look into other possible issues.

Do you know if she knows where to go to get that kind of healthcare? If not, and she'd like help finding someone, we're glad to help her out.