Scarleteen is closed for the next two days, so that's Thursday, October 31st (for Halloween) and Friday, November 1st (for Diwali). We'll be back and able to answer your questions on Saturday. Catch you soon!

Boyfriend got soft while inside

Any questions or discussions that you ONLY want to discuss with our staff or volunteers.
(Users: please do not reply to other users here.)
Itsangie09
not a newbie
Posts: 42
Joined: Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:57 pm
Age: 22
Pronouns: She/her
Location: Utah

Boyfriend got soft while inside

Unread post by Itsangie09 »

So basically my boyfriend and I had our first time yesterday. And we used a condom as our source of protection. Anyways so he put the condom on when he got hard and he made sure he put it on right and we started to have sex. However as we were having sex he got soft and i gave him a handjob to get him hard again, it worked but it happened like 2 times. So my question is why did he lose erection during that? And is it bad that we used the same (1 condom) through out this whole thing?
Sam W
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 10320
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 33
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Coast

Re: Boyfriend got soft while inside

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi Itsangie09,

Issues with erection can come from a few different sources. In younger people, a really common one is stress. That can be stress about their sexual "performance" or about something else. Sometimes fatigue, medication, or other health habits can play a role as well, and you can read more about those possible causes here: ED: Why You Don't Have to Get So Down About Not Getting It Up.

Ideally you would've changed the condom out for each activity, but since it didn't break or come off, you can assume it still worked as intended this time.
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9687
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: Boyfriend got soft while inside

Unread post by Heather »

I think with this it can also help to think about how your own physical response has probably fluctuated during sex. If you aren't someone with a penis, then you probably are someone with a clitoris: during sexual activity, including masturbation, you may have already experienced that your vulva can be puffier (that's in large part about the internal structures) than not, or your clitoris can be harder or larger sometimes (it has erectile tissue, too!) and softer or smaller others. If you have a vagina, you may have noticed that you don't always self-lubricate, or have times during sexual activity where that's happening, and times when it isn't.

Point is that for all kinds of bodies, during sex how our bodies are responding is usually variable, and often that doesn't mean anything except that we have a body, because human bodies are just unreliable with certain functions like that. Penises being erect or not isn't even something that often falls under what some people call "erectile dysfunction," because there's not anything dysfunctional about our physical responses varying during sex like having an erection then not having one. That's common and normal. :)
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
Itsangie09
not a newbie
Posts: 42
Joined: Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:57 pm
Age: 22
Pronouns: She/her
Location: Utah

Re: Boyfriend got soft while inside

Unread post by Itsangie09 »

So should I be worried about a possible pregnancy from this?
Mo
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 2287
Joined: Thu Jul 31, 2014 2:57 pm
Awesomeness Quotient: I'm always wearing seriously fancy nail polish.
Primary language: English
Pronouns: he/him, they/them
Sexual identity: queer/bisexual

Re: Boyfriend got soft while inside

Unread post by Mo »

As Sam said above, if the condom didn't come off entirely then it's likely that it did its job and worked properly.
Itsangie09
not a newbie
Posts: 42
Joined: Tue Aug 06, 2019 8:57 pm
Age: 22
Pronouns: She/her
Location: Utah

Re: Boyfriend got soft while inside

Unread post by Itsangie09 »

No the condom didn’t come off entirely but it was loose because he wasn’t hard anymore at that time. And after that I tried giving him a handjob with the same condom still on and we continued having sex. Is this necessarily bad?
Mo
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 2287
Joined: Thu Jul 31, 2014 2:57 pm
Awesomeness Quotient: I'm always wearing seriously fancy nail polish.
Primary language: English
Pronouns: he/him, they/them
Sexual identity: queer/bisexual

Re: Boyfriend got soft while inside

Unread post by Mo »

This isn't the ideal way to use condoms; what's recommended is to use a new one each time you have (or attempt) intercourse. It doesn't mean that every time someone does what you describe, there will be a problem, but it makes it more likely. There isn't a way to pin down more exactly what your potential risk was when you had sex this weekend; all you can do right now is make sure you're well-informed so you can know what to do in the future.
Our guide to using condoms properly is here: Condom Basics: A User's Manual; that'll probably be helpful to read together before next time you need to use any. :)
Post Reply Previous topicNext topic
  • Similar Topics
    Replies
    Views
    Last post