Relationships

[Craig74]

Hi not sure if this is the right place to post this but I’ll post anyway. So I’m a 15 year old boy and I really want a relationship (girlfriend) but I cant think of how to get one as I don’t attend school or any clubs so the only time I ever really see girls is just out in the street and I just don’t have the confidence to go over and speak to them.
As I said I don’t know if this is the right place to post this or if anyone can help me but I thought it was worth a try.

[Heather]

This is as good a place as any here!

I think it might help to actually start by talking about what you want when you say you want a girlfriend.

In other words, especially since it doesn't sound like this is about anyone in particular, when you say you want a girlfriend-relationship, what does that means to you? What would you be looking for from that person and this relationship, and what do you expect you'll need to do yourself as an active part of it?

I ask that because clarifying what we want is usually the first step to figuring out how to get it. Too, I think it's worth figuring out if you're up to the kinds of things that will ask for from you, very much including social/emotional risks like making yourself vulnerable by asking someone for something you want, or feeling able to communicate your wants and needs to someone in a situation where you're likely to feel vulnerable.

[Craig74]

Didn’t expect a reply that fast but thanks. When I say I want a girlfriend I really want someone that I can just be with talk to have a laugh with and just really be with. I have friends of corse but they are boys I only have 2 or 3 good friends but that’s enough for me because I don’t really like big groups

[Heather]

So, I'm not totally sure what all "just really be with" means, but what I can say based on what you just posted here is that if you're going to have emotional closeness with someone, you have to (everyone does, not just you) be willing to take some emotional risks. That said, what you seem to be expressing sounds an awful lot like something where the basis is friendship to me (which is great: that's the basis of all great relationships!).

Who you want to be friends with is probably about more than just someone's gender. So, can you fill me in on how you made your friends that are guys? How did you meet those guys? How have you built those friendships?

[Craig74]

Sorry for the late reply

I met my friends through my parents like my parents friends kids if that makes sense. I guess we built our friendship because we like the same things like Cars, Xbox and other things

[Heather]

It's okay, this is for you, so whenever works for you to post is just fine.

So, for you to have a relationship where you connect with a girl at all, you'll also need to have some common interests. It might be you connect with a girl who also shares those interests: after all, interest in cars or gaming isn't exclusive to guys. Or it might be you connect around other interests of yours.

The friends you have right now you met through your parents friends: did these all happen when you were little? Or are some of them newer friendships? If they're newer, might you see if any of your parent's friends' have kids who are girls?

If I have it right, you're unschooled/homeschooled, so don't have the social opportunities school would afford you, but you also aren't doing anything else you could be doing that would offer you chances to meet people. I'd say that'd be a good idea to start changing whether or not you were looking for romantic opportunities: just as a way for you to expand your world and your interests, develop some more social skills and meet some people you connect with based on your interests rather than through your parents.

How about looking into some volunteering opportunities, for example? That can be a really good way to meet new people.