I'm kind of tired of being single

[KindaStrange16]

Not going to lie when I say that being homeschooled + attending college (I'm still 16 though) kinda has its downsides. For example, in a way, I can't date. All of my classmates are out of my age range and so, for my own safety, I stay away. I've tried meeting people my age online, but it never works. I feel like I'm reallt missing out on the "teen experience" (because I also haven't lost my virginity either, but since I'm in a Christian household, I most likely couldn't, even though I plan to before marriage).

I feel pretty lonely and I want to experience with people for once. I know that having a relationship might be adding too much on my plate (you know, because college), but still, I want to try it.

Also, I think my friend is alright, but I don't like him the way he likes me. I'm afraid of using him to lose my virginity, so, I try to stay as platonic as I can when I talk to him. Honestly, I don't know if this is a vent or not, but I'm just tired of being single and I want to have a healthy relationship with someone I share the same feelings with.

(Also, sorry for any typos)

[Sam W]

Hi KindaStrange16,

Attending college at sixteen is pretty dang impressive! But, you're right that it can introduce some challenges into things like dating or socializing. You mention it's been hard to meet peers online or in-person (and in person meetings may be off the table for quite some time due to COVID-19). Can you give me a sense of what kinds of things you've tried? For instance, if you have hobbies or other interests, have you looked into groups or spaces that focus on those things? Too, while you may not want to date them, do your interactions with other students go well (after all, a college freshman is only two years older than you)?

With your friend, has he come right out and said he's interested in you? Or is he dropping a lot of hints?

[KindaStrange16]

Well, I enjoy drawing and writing, but didn't join any clubs because you had to be active (and I couldn't fit it in my schedule). And with my friend, yes, he's dropped a lot of hints. I'm really shy, so I never really liked to socialize with my classmates. There was one classmate I kind of liked, but he was over age and was already with someone.

I remember being told that it's best not to go for 18 year older because they're legal adults, which makes sense, and we don't have a romeo and juliet law where I live (the law basically means that if theres like an age gap less than like 3-4 years, the relationship is legal).

[Heather]

Given the pandemic and that it sounds like you already have the schedule you have, maybe one way to go with this is to start planning for the future -- be it the summer or next semester -- so that you CAN have more social opportunities moving forward? For instance, how about figuring that next semester, you go ahead and make it a priority to make room for a club or some other regular social opportunity?

What are your plans for the summer?

You know, dating people who are outside the age of consent isn't unlawful. It's sex where these laws come into play. So, if you feel -- as you might, as an early entrant! -- more akin to your fellow students, and you do meet someone who is available who you want to ask out, I don't think the law needs to be a barrier there. By all means, if and when a relationship with someone develops to the point you're thinking about sex with them, you can cross that bridge then, you know?

[KindaStrange16]

I think I understand now. The summer semester starts in about a week/week and a half, so hopefully I can try to make some kind of friends (it's all been moved online, so I'm not sure how it'll work). The thing with 18 year olds for me personally is that I cant really get intimate with them, and I'm not sure there would be one that would be willing (because of the legal issues). I've tried talking to people on snapchat and most of them were like, 15-16 and a couple were in my town. Even though I know chances of meeting any of them would be really slim, but I still talk to them.

[Sam W]

Talking to people in your town on Snapchat sounds like a really good starting place! Even if you can't meet with them in person, it can be nice to socialize with people.

In terms of the future semesters, what if you picked out one club that you were interested in joining and became active in it? That would give you a way to meet people who share your interests.

Too, it can also help to think about what kinds of intimacy you're wishing for when you think about dating someone. There are lots of ways to be intimate that don't involve sex or dating, and finding some of those can often ease the feeling of "I MUST find someone to date."

[KindaStrange16]

I'd most likely want to join the art club because I also want to major in it. Also, yeah, talking on snapchat is easier for me (to be honest, I'm better at talking through text than in person), and I think it's been going alright. And as for meeting people, I think I just need friends at the moment if I'm being honest with myself.

Thanks!

[al]

Hi KindaStrange,

I'm glad to hear that you're focusing on friends first! That's usually the best thing for people feeling lonely or isolated from their peers - bonding over shared activities (like art!). How do you feel about the prospect of making new friends? Does that feel easy, or is it something that also kinda creates anxiety or stress?