Struggling with Masterbation (ftm)

[Da24]

Hello.
I came across this site looking for advice, and I guess the best way to try and get advice is to ask for it.

I feel kind of embarrassed to say, but I don't know how to masterbate. I was born female, and have yet to start hormones - but quite often have the urge to masterbate or...orgasm I guess?
I've tried to find a sweet spot but nothing really feels like it's it - it makes me kind of depressed because I want to get relief for the self-pleasure urges, I want to feel good. I know it's something I need to find out myself, but I feel stuck. I guess I wanted to reach out for some help perhaps.

Sincerely,
A 19 year old trans guy.

[Sam W]

Hi Da24,

You're right that finding what feels good to you during masturbation is something you get to explore for yourself, but we can certainly give you some starting places! This article can give you some examples of different things to try, as well as what to do if masturbation doesn't quite feel like it's working: Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation.

Too, can you give me a sense of how comfortable you are exploring and thinking about your genitals? I know for some trans guys it can be dysphoria-inducing, while for others it's not.

[Da24]

Hi Da24,

You're right that finding what feels good to you during masturbation is something you get to explore for yourself, but we can certainly give you some starting places! This article can give you some examples of different things to try, as well as what to do if masturbation doesn't quite feel like it's working: Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation.

Too, can you give me a sense of how comfortable you are exploring and thinking about your genitals? I know for some trans guys it can be dysphoria-inducing, while for others it's not.

I don't really feel comfortable inserting anything into my clitoris - the idea has always made me feel weird - I'd probably feel more comfortable with external stimulation. I've had a look at the articles but I'll look more in depth.

[Mo]

If you aren't interested with any sort of insertion, the clitoris may be an area you do want to focus attention on; it has internal parts as well as external, but the clitoris itself isn't something that can be entered at all. (There's a really helpful diagram that shows the internal & external clitoris, as well as the rest of the vulva, in this article if you want to take a look: With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body.)

When you try masturbating, are you doing it when you already feel aroused? The desire to masturbate or have an orgasm doesn't necessarily mean you're actively feeling arousal, and many people find that they need to be aroused before masturbation will feel good.

[Da24]

If you aren't interested with any sort of insertion, the clitoris may be an area you do want to focus attention on; it has internal parts as well as external, but the clitoris itself isn't something that can be entered at all. (There's a really helpful diagram that shows the internal & external clitoris, as well as the rest of the vulva, in this article if you want to take a look: With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body.)

When you try masturbating, are you doing it when you already feel aroused? The desire to masturbate or have an orgasm doesn't necessarily mean you're actively feeling arousal, and many people find that they need to be aroused before masturbation will feel good.

Oops haha - I'm not super knowledgeable about anatomy, I really should look at that.

I could try and do that, it could help get me into the swing. I think I also need to be more patient with myself since I am starting out.

Thank you for your help!

[Mo]

I realize that really close examination of your genitals may or may not feel comfortable for you, but if you do think it would feel all right, it may be worth using a hand mirror to take a look at yourself; it can be easier to get a sense of where everything is when you can see yourself and not just navigate by touch. You're the best authority on whether you think this might exacerbate any dysphoria or not; I wanted to throw that idea out there in case it sounds doable.

And by all means, do be patient with yourself as much as possible! The tricky thing about masturbating when it's frustrating or when it takes a while to figure out what works is that stress, frustration, tension, etc. all make arousal and orgasm more difficult, so if you're feeling frustrated it can be a bit of a self-perpetuating cycle. It's not uncommon for people to need some time and experimentation before figuring out what works best during masturbation, and I'd be willing to bet that the process can be even more complicated for a lot of trans people.