Insecurity and communication in a relationship

[corvuscrater]

I am in my first relationship ever at the moment and it's going great. I love her and we're happy and stuff is good, generally. But I feel like we don't really click sometimes? I'm really touchy and like, almost overbearing, and I feel like it's just too much for her. She's never said that, or even asked me to stop touching her, I'm just kind of insecure. I talk a lot, too, and I (again, without evidence) feel like I get on her nerves a lot. And sometimes I feel like I'm being pushy, but I'm also not sure if she's just shy? If something was clearly off I would stop, of course, but it's been almost ten months and we haven't even kissed (which if she's uncomfortable with it that's fine, of course, but it seems like we're both just scared) and I feel like we aren't really making any headway with like... anything. I know my feelings are important but I don't want to base all of our intimacy on my insecurities. I know this is mostly a communication issue and I'm wondering how I should bring it up. We aren't long distance or anything, but we write each other letters sometimes. Could that be a good way to do it, or should I have this conversation in person? I also don't want to hurt her feelings, but how delicate can/should I be and still get my point across? Thanks!

[Sam W]

Hi corvuscrater,

Navigating conversations like this can certainly feel tricky, especially when you're in your first relationship. Having this conversation in person (or at least over the phone) is probably the way to go, because things like tone and being able to ask clarifying questions are going to be important.

Can you give me a sense of how your communication is overall? Do you two usually have an easy time communicating about things, including tough topics, and this just seems to be the one neither of you know how to approach? Or do you kind of struggle with communication in general?

[corvuscrater]

Hi!

Thanks for responding. In general we aren't really all that great at communication, but we could definitely be worse, if that makes sense. It can take us some time, but we make sure our thoughts are heard eventually. We also haven't faced any real issues yet, though, and haven't seriously argued over anything, so I don't know if the pattern could be different there. It kind of seems like it. Thank you again for your advice.

[Melamyl]

Hi corvuscrater,

This article might help if you choose to confront her and talk about your misunderstandings. https://www.joinonelove.org/learn/5-eas ... tionships/

I hope everything will clear out with you and your girlfriend.

[Sam W]

Hi corvuscrater,

I'm glad the advice was helpful! Since you two are still learning how to navigate things like conflict, I think these two articles might help you out: Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner (this is has a lot of general communication advice along with the tips for talking about sex), How to Clash With Love: Some Conflict Resolution Basics. Do the tips in those look doable?

[corvuscrater]

Hi!

Yeah, these were all really helpful articles, and I think everything should be okay. Thanks for the help.