i cant find pleasure while fingering myself

[kaisedinuma]

so the thing started recently when i actually got horny and i wanted to finger myself but i couldnt find any pleasure nor did it hurt i could feel my finger inside but i didnt get any pleasure from that ive talked to my bf abt this and when i did he said then u will not be able to enjoy penetrative sex and im scared noww that i wonntt be ablee to have penetrative sex , is it truee??? im reallyy scaredd ive been going on google searching plss answer mee and (by the way im a 14 year old) i dont have anyone to ask abt sexual things its uncomfrtable pls answer me as soon as possible
thank you

[Siân]

Hi kaisedinuma!

Welcome to the boards

So there are lots of different ways to masturbate, and a lot of people actually feel a lot more pleasure from touching the outside of their vulva than they do from anything inside. So it's important to feel relaxed and turned on, but also to pay attention to what actually feels good - experiment a little!

You might find this article helpful: Going Solo: The Basics of Masturbation

[kaisedinuma]

See I've triedd everything I have tried touching everywhere but I just can't feel pleasure but the main thing I wanna know is if will I feel pleasure when I'm having penetrative sex pls lemme know im realllyyy scaraedd

[Alexa]

Hey there kaisedinuma,

Some people have trouble feeling pleasure when they touch themselves without the aid of a sex toy or partner. If fingering yourself isn't pleasurable, consider trying out some DIY Sex Toys.

I also wonder why this learning process around your body & pleasure, especially as it relates to future penetrative sex, is scary -- do you want to say more about that? Maybe we can help.

[kaisedinuma]

I've not tried with any toys but what I wanna know the most is if I'll be able to have penetrative sex as I'm really scaredd abt thatt and I need someones help I feel horny and needy most of the time Eto talk more abt it it's like I do everything I try different positions and all but I just can't feel any pleasure in fingering it dosent hurt nor does it pain I can feel my finger inside but I can't find pleasure plss help Mee andd what I wanna know the most is of I'll be able to feel penetrative sex or nott

[Sam W]

Hi kaisedinuma,

The tricky thing is, we can't predict how vaginal sex will feel for you, because there are lots of different factors that go into whether an instance of sex feels good to someone. You can read more about why that is here: With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body.

From what you've described, there's no reason it couldn't be enjoyable; it doesn't sound like fingering has been painful or difficult, just that it doesn't feel like much. That isn't all that strange because, as was already mentioned, a lot of people don't feel all that much just from internal stimulation; the most sensitive parts of the genitals, like the clitoris, are on the outside of the body. So if you're not stimulating those, vaginal sex may not be super pleasurable. If you haven't already done so, I'd take a look at this column, as it deals with a situation very much like your own: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/advi ... ng_with_me.

[kaisedinuma]

I've read that article already but I'm reallly curious to know if I'll be able to enjoy penetrative sex ,maybe I'll try giving myself a brake from masturbation
But I'm a bit afraid I won't enjoy penetrative sex
Idk what else to do

[kaisedinuma]

If theres anythin U suggest pls lemme know , thank you sooo much for helping me

[Sam W]

The way to help vaginal sex, or any other kind of sex, pleasurable is to communicate with your partner about what feels good and what doesn't, and exploring your body ahead of time can help you know how to do that. Too, as I said, nothing you've said indicates that feeling pleasure during vaginal sex is impossible. But beyond that, there's not a specific trick or tip we can give you to guarantee that a certain kind of sex will feel good. Does that make sense?

[kaisedinuma]

Yes it does , but is there anyway I can feel some kinda pleasure thru masturbating? Like I wanna know how it feels

[Heather]

The thing is, it's actually pretty uncommon for people with vaginas to masturbate just by putting fingers inside them or find that alone all that pleasurable (just like most people with vaginas don't find intercourse all by itself all that exciting, either). Most people with that anatomy don't masturbate that way for the reasons Sam has already explained.

So, if you want to experience pleasure with masturbation, the way to go is to experiment with what feels good, rather than by trying to make something that does NOT feel good feel good. In other words, as Sam has been trying to explain, it's clear you're really hung up on making this all about vaginal entry, but that's just not something -- be it with masturbation or partnered sex -- that's all that pleasurable all by itself for most people. You're not alone in that.

Do you want to talk more about why you're feeling so desperate about this?

[kaisedinuma]

I just wanna know how good it feels and it's not likely I'll be able to have penetrative sex anytime so I wanna know whats the next best thing I can do to feel the pleasure and I realllyyy feeel hornyy most of the timee idkk what to do when I'm hornyy

[Alexa]

I think we've given you the best advice we have on this, so here's a mini recap:

• Penetrative sex alone often doesn't do it for folks with vaginas, so masturbating by penetrating yourself alone may be similarly anticlimactic. Try combining penetration with stimulating other parts of the body, such as the clitoris.
• Check out some of our topics on masturbation and pleasure, listed in the posts above.
• Sex toys (even of the DIY persuasion) may help you to explore touch in different ways.

I also want to emphasize here that putting pressure on yourself to feel pleasure, especially to the point of being anxious or hyperfixated on needing to feel pleasure in particular scenarios, is a guaranteed way to make accessing pleasure extremely difficult for you. Pressure and anxiety are the antithesis to pleasure. That's part of why we've asked you why this is so anxiety-inducing for you -- you may just need to unpack that first, find pleasurable masturbation/sex later. I know it's frustrating that it's not an instant solution, but it may be the best one.