what can be used as a condom?

[Mace-brando]

Hello again. me and my boyfriend have been considering having sexual relations, and while he suggests a pullout, i suggested using protection. but heres the problem.

1. I live in a small town, word gets around fast.

e.g "ohmygod did you see Macebrando buy condoms in walgreens? what a slut!" and LORD would that damage me!

2. my mother does not allow me to go to places by myself, (except church, school, and friends house)

3. he can't get them either (i asked)

4. my brother has some, but he does not live with me, (and they were probably used on hookers and prostitutes, lets be honest )

5. my mother and godfather don't have condoms.


so, besides the real thing, what can be SAFELY used as a condom? And more importantly,

being the redneck i am, how can i keep from getting knocked up?

[Heather]

(Before anything else, I want to just gently make clear that stigmatizing sex workers or sex work isn't something that's okay to do here. Please don't do that again. Thanks.)

So, nothing but condoms can effectively act as condoms. And withdrawal can't provide any of the the STI protection condoms can, and it isn't as effective at pregnancy prevention.

To boot, being sexually active if you're unable to access sexual healthcare also isn't a safe setup for you either, which it sounds like may be the case. If you're going to be sexually active, ideally you and any partners will want to first be able to access regular sexual healthcare including regular STI screenings, and, for you, that can also include access to various methods of contraception and condom access. I'm also concerned that if neither of you can access condoms, that means access to things you might need like emergency contraception or abortion would be even tougher. If you want to talk about readiness in that capacity or others, I'm happy to do that with you.

You can order condoms online if you don't want to get them in person. You can order them online from places like Walgreens, or Amazon or from specific condom resellers (and they don't send them in packaging that says HEY THIS IS A PACKAGE FULL OF CONDOMS! or anything). We can also talk about getting them at your local Walgreens if you want and how to manage any reactions or gossip.

[Mace-brando]

alright, thank you ma'am (if you desire to be called such). i also apoligize for my comment. that wasn't fair of me to say that, since sex workers are an essential part of our economy, hard-working folk AND humans too. They do a lot for world culture. I admit to my fault, and would like to work on that.

well, there IS a walgreens nearby our *ahem* designated spot, i'd just have to walk up there, thing is, i don't wanna be recognized, because i don't wish to stain my familys reputation. is there a way i could go about- and this may seem silly- disguising myself so no one knows that "oh hey Mace-brandos buying condoms." and instead it'd be like "billy-bob-joe over here bought condoms"? idk i have MAJOR self consciousness and self esteem issues.

also, I'm from Mississippi, and i know how laws vary from state to state, but is there a law that says you have to show ID to buy them? because lets be honest, I do not have ID for anything official, and if it does require that, im in a real pickle..



also about the amazon thing? my mother wants me to show her what i have on my cart before I check out. Ridiculous, i know, BUT, it IS her house.. -.- so no dice on that one..

Also, I wanna say thanks for taking time out of your day to respond to folks posts. you're helping humanity evolve.

[Heather]

I'm a them, not a ma'am. . Thanks for the apology there. Indeed, we're all humans.

I feel like going in in a disguise is more likely to draw attention to you than just going in as yourself, honestly. So often. when you work retail, you are so checked out, you'd be amazed at what you don't notice. I don't see how using contraception ruins a families reputation, but I do understand that you want privacy and it also sounds like you're concerned about your family finding out. That given, that's something else I want to mention.

If you are also sneaking around to have sex, and having sex in a "spot" -- somewhere that sounds like it isn't a place where either of you live, so isn't actually your property, you're taking an awful lot of risks, especially as someone under the age of consent in your state. You don't have to be over the age of consent to buy condoms, but you do have to be over it in order to lawfully do the things that involve using them. Looking at the law in MS, it looks like if your partner is two years older than you, sex between you won't be lawful. I don't know your situation, so I'm just filling you in. Sex in public places is almost always outside the bounds of the law, as well as being often unsafe.

Sounds like you have a lot of limitations around things like online orders and other ways of accessing condoms. You said your boyfriend does, too? Can we talk for a sec about the notion that perhaps you two just aren't ready for all this given your limited access to so many basic needs for things here: to sexual healthcare, to safe and private space, to condoms and contraception, etc?

[Mace-brando]

Yeah, you're right. Maybe its just not time for me. i mean, hey! nothing wrong with waiting. just hugs, kisses, and binge-watching autodale.

also, I wanted to say why using contraception would be bad on my family beause of things that i will PM you about, for privacy reasons..

[Mace-brando]

oh lord, i just saw my last post, what i ment was like a motel, not just out there in the open! *wheeze* pardon me! I should've been specific.

gotta love dixie. we're 25% crazy, but we love fun!

[Heather]

Motels ask for ID from people who rent rooms and do not typically rent them to minors, just so you're aware.

There not only isn't anything wrong with waiting, but if you can't access the things you need for sex to be something safe and sound for you, it's pretty universally the better choice. Sex where we have to take risks of things with giant unwanted consequences is rarely worth it, especially because sex when we're scared to death is very rarely a good time.

Do you need any help or support when it comes to talking to your partner about waiting? From the sounds of things, he isn't ready for this either, but not everyone is as quick to accept when they're not ready as it sounds like you are.

[Mace-brando]

I mean, he is a VERY mature boy, well manners, a model citizen, i'd say. (possible autodale reference) I think he'd understand where im coming from. he never forced me to do anything bad, and if he did, i'd hightail it out of there, straight to the authorities!

oh i didn't know that. little Mace-brando still learnin! but what i ment was i wouldn't do it in public, heavens no! like in privacy. their house, my residence, etc. pardon my lack of clarity, I tend to type whatever comes to my mind without thinking of what the latter may derive from the text. (e.g my rude remark about certain people)

[Sam W]

Hi Mace-brando,

I'm glad you feel like your boyfriend will respect any boundaries you set around sex! That makes making the decisions that are right for you way easier. Too, you and he might get some use from this article, which covers lot of ways to feel close to another person that don't involve sex: Intimacy: The Whys, Hows, How-Nots, and So-Nots