Platonic Intimacy: What does that look like for you?

[Valerie J]

Intimacy is often described to be something only found in sexual/romantic relationships but the reality is we have intimacy in all kinds of relationships in our lives. That can be found with your family and your friends as well. Society puts a lot of focus on romantic/sexual relationships and labels it the most important relationship in your life but that is not necessarily true for everyone and having intimacy in platonic relationships can help us grow as people.

So what does platonic intimacy look like to you? What aspects of your friendships provide a unique intimacy not found elsewhere? How have you grown as an individual because of your intimate friendships? Are there platonic relationships you wish had a stronger role in your life?

For me, my platonic intimate relationships are everything to me. They have pushed me to grow and shown me what care and intimacy can look like for me. My best friend is my platonic soulmate, if there is such a thing. Our relationship has taught me so much because we are in it for the long haul but we didn't start our friendship with the best boundaries and forms of support. I was commited to making our relationship healthier so it could last. Through my friend, I've learned what I need when it comes to support and how to advocate for it. I've learned how to set hard boundaries with the intention that it will help our relationship grow. Together, we found the things that bring us the most joy and we do the best we can to incorporate those things with love and without judgement.

My best friend and I love musicals and when we are together we sing. That is a feeling of pure joy and is so incredibly intimate between the two of us. My small act of intimacy is the list I have on my desk that has every musical we love so when it comes time to pick a song we have something to reference. What is one of your small acts of platonic intimacy?

[Susan]

So I've been doing online learning, so I've met some people out of my town through school recently. I've made this amazing friend who is bi, like I am (she actually the first bi person I've met that's my age) and we've kind of bonding about being some of the only queer people in class. We both ended up having boyfriends who are both friends at the same time, too, so it's just kinda a great match. Anyway, the platonic intimacy for us is that we are so open with each other that we will just cry together to kinda cleanse ourselves of stress (kinda hard to explain I guess). Platonic intimacy is when you are so open with someone that you can just tell them anything. She's helped me through stuff and vice versa and so we can kinda tell each other anything really. I wouldn't trade it for anything

[Siân]

I love partner dancing. In the beforetimes I would spend a few hours every Monday night dancing with people who became my community, and then my close friends. Tuning into another person to dance with them and enjoy the connection, creation and partnership that comes with it is a real joy. Right now, I'm lucky to temporarily be living with one of my favourite dance partners for some mid-pandemic platonic intimacy

[Emily N]

This is such an amazing question!

Creating and sharing meals with other people is one of my favorite things to do. When I was in high school, my sister and I started to make our own meals. Learning how to shop for food that inspired us and how to cook became a “growing up” experience we got to do together. Cooking and the kitchen also gave us a space to process a difficult experience we were both sharing at the time, and we learned how to support each other in this space. Now, I use cooking in a similar way with my roommates, friends, and partner.

[Melamyl]

I've had a number of platonic relationships where I haven't even considered hitting on them. They're real things, though it can be hard to tell the difference between them and liking someone at times. I was in a relationship with someone for about 8 months before we realized that we were just close friends and nothing more. During those 8 months, there was no kissing, no hand-holding, and no hiding the zucchini. So we just decided to go back to the whole friendship thing because that's really what we were.

[Carly]

I've had a number of platonic relationships where I haven't even considered hitting on them. They're real things, though it can be hard to tell the difference between them and liking someone at times. I was in a relationship with someone for about 8 months before we realized that we were just close friends and nothing more. During those 8 months, there was no kissing, no hand-holding, and no hiding the zucchini. So we just decided to go back to the whole friendship thing because that's really what we were.

Thank you for sharing this experience, Melamyl. Sometimes platonic intimacy and closeness can feel a lot like a romantic relationship. It can take a lot of courage to ask someone how they feel about you and your relationship. If anyone needs help navigating situation where they're not sure if they're experiencing platonic or romantic intimacy, these might be helpful:

- How Do I Tell If Someone Is Into Me?
- Supermodel: Creating & Nurturing Your Own Best Relationship Models
- Puppy Love: The Do's & Don'ts of Crushes (With Help from a Very Small Dog)