Clit problems

[jenny01]

So one night I was able to find my clit while masturbating, but the next night I couldn't. I tried doing what Heather said and working my way up from my vagina and it seemed it work the first time. But now I can't seem to find it again. I've been trying to find my clitoral hood to lift it up but I don't really know what it feels like. I masturbate in my bed and it's hard to find my clit when I can't see it. Do you have any advice on how to feel for it in the dark?

[Heather]

So, the hood of the clitoris isn't really something anyone generally needs to (or really can, not in any grand way, anyway) "lift up." It's not usually a whole lot bigger than the glans itself, which is to say, it's pretty small. Many people rub the glans through the hood because direct contact with the glans otherwise feels too sensitive. For those who feel differently, it's more a matter of just pushing the hood back as you stimulate, rather than it being something one lifts or has to hold back.

Seeing where the clitoris is usually isn't necessary to find it, because it's very sensitive if and when we're turned on (and sometimes even when we aren't). But masturbation is about doing what feels good rather than finding X-part, you know? So ultimately, if you are simply feeling around and following what feels good it doesn't actually matter where you are. And if what feels good for you is contact with your clitoral glans, well then...you'll find that. Do you get what I'm saying?

[Heather]

Btw, this is a fun zine that has a whole bunch of clitoris info in it including some more diagrams in case a different view than the ones ours give is helpful to you: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B1ALo_ ... JUXMw/view

(Cheers to our friends at pussypedia.net for that link!)

[jenny01]

Yeah I get that. I just know that when I do stumble across my clit it feels amazing. That's why I want to figure out where it is so bad. Does the hood feel like a piece of skin that you can roll back?

[Heather]

Most people don't have enough of a clitoral hood -- or more to the point, it's tethered to its attachment points in such a way -- to do what I think of when I think of "rolling" something back. Have you seen these vulva illustrations (just FYI, these are illustrations of vulvas) here: https://www.scarleteen.com/resource/adv ... ustrations

The hood is what looks like a hood -- like very little red riding hood -- within the inner labia, above the clitoral glans. See how it's attached? See how for some it's smaller while for others it is larger, but that it can be something you can push back, but not so much "roll" back?

But truly, if it feels amazing when you touch it, you'll know when you touch it. The vulva isn't that much real estate. And if you're touching your whole vulva and not feeling anything or much, it's probably less about not finding your clit and more about not being aroused enough first to have it be that sensitive yet. Arousal is what tends to make it super-sensitive: it often isn't all that when you're not turned on first.

[jenny01]

Do you have any suggestions or tips on how to arouse myself? Usually I just play with my nipples and breasts and think about my celebrity crush.

[Elise]

Hi jenny01,
Sounds like you're starting to work out what works for you in terms of arousal already! In terms of exploring this further, you might find some articles I'll list at the bottom of this post to be useful. It can be useful to remember also that your stress levels, sense of safety and privacy play a big part in arousal, so something that might usually work for you in the physical sense might not happen because you aren't in as a comfortable situation as you need, if that makes sense? So it is less about what you are doing/not doing and more about where you're at mentally and situationally. Some of the articles below touch on that too.

• Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide
• How to Approach Sexual Fantasy and Desire on Your Own Terms
• Why Does Masturbation Feel Weird?
• Deep Cover: Tips for Managing Anxiety or Privacy Worries When Masturbating at Home
• If you're a visual learner, you might like this comic summary of the sexual response cycle: Science of Desire by Dr. Emily Nagoski & R.Stevens on Oh Joy Sex Toy