Wanting Sexual Connection Underage

[Valentin0]

I... don't know exactly how to word this. I (16M) am, as most non-ace teenagers are, horny. All the frickin' time. And it bugs the hell outta me, especially when I'm around my more traditional family members that frown on that kinda thing. Tangent aside, I have had extreme troubles regulating my emotions regarding sex. I, as of the past few months, desperately crave emotional connection in my sexual experiences. For the longest time, I have been content watching porn and masturbating. But as of late, especially at night and even as I type this, I have intense cravings for some sort of real, human sexual connection.

I think it has always been here, but I've managed it by writing erotica that explores some of my sexual fantasies. Until right about now. I have erotic roleplayed in the past, and still continue to (even though yes, ik it's bad and I shouldn't lie abt my age cuz I could get someone in trouble) because I just can't flippin' handle being alone and having no partner on the other side. All I want is to feel loved and lusted after. Wanted. And all these fake people in porn want their partners. Their love interests. No one wants me, not for who I truly am or even a fake version of me. Why would they, if they knew my age? I'm too young and could get them in trouble, disabled in real life, and have a bunch of offputting, gross kinks that I would have to go to online forums or Discord Servers I'm too young to join to talk to anyone about. Not to mention I'm unattractive.

Does anyone else feel these urges? Because I can masturbate to porn, but it doesn't satisfy me. Not like having the girl/guy of my dreams to fool around with and fall in love with, or even a FWB fling with someone who just wants me for my body would.

I just need some advice on how to cope with these feelings. The pandemic has made things harder than ever, and even if I could find someone interested in me, I don't even know how it'd work with my Cerebral Palsy, cuz I don't wanna put all, or even most of the burden on my partner. Not to mention the fact that my parents (who are themselves teen parents who had me at my age) don't want me to have sex at this age, and I don't like to hide things from them.

Is there some sorta legal loophole or safe space that would allow me to erotic roleplay with people that I can join and let people know my real age? If not, what are my other options?

[Sam W]

Hi Valentin0,

The first thing I want to say is that you're not the least bit alone in these feelings; plenty of people find that, while masturbation is pleasurable and can help ease sexual urges, if there's a major connection component to your desires, it might not always do the trick.

I also want to reassure you that cerebral palsy doesn't mean you won't be able to find a partner or have a happy, healthy sex life with them. In fact, we have lots of articles dealing with sex and relationships while disabled. The Disabled Sex Yes! series is a great starting place, as is this piece by Andrew Gurza: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodi ... d_disabled.

To answer one of your main questions, there isn't a loophole that would let you roleplay in in 18+ spaces, and even if there was it isn't something we could recommend because it would put you and those communities at risk. However, while the pandemic has certainly made it harder, I think your best bet is to look for partners your own age to connect with and explore sex with. Can you give me a sense of how easy it is for you to meet peers right now, either in person or online? Are there spaces with people your age you're already active in?

[Valentin0]

Oh, I never had qualms about being to find a partner and have a healthy relationship while I have my disability. What I'm worried about is getting into a relationship where my partner
A. Is really immature (I get really frustrated with my peers in school because a very vocal minority does not listen or try at all and don't take anything seriously)
B. Can't handle having to help me with my disability (even if they could, I'm sure a lot of people my age are just simply not equipped with the understanding or patience it takes to maintain a relationship when their partner needs help upstairs or with cooking or potentially even a full-time driver if the Department of Rehabilitation doesn't work out in helping me drive)

Then there's the fact I'm probably going to need a lot of help in sex, considering I get tired standing longer than 5 mins and don't even have enough strength to get on my damn knees. I love roleplaying helplessness and especially femdom, but to be actually fairly unable to do a lot of things and being physically shoehorned into having to let my partner do a lot of the work rather than letting my partner strip the control I have away from me is actually kinda depressing. Again, nothing that wouldn't work out in a fully-fledged relationship, but for someone who hasn't ever even had a crush on a non-fictional person, let alone kissing and especially having sex with someone, it's scary and kinda puts a dampener on things, especially with the stress that comes with trying to be a straight-A student and future prospects of college. I don't know if I can add relationship stress to 'The Long List of Things Very, Very Wrong With Me.' (Which is another reason why I wish I could just roleplay and/or sext so I could indulge myself without the dangers of physically involved relationships)

To answer your question, with school in-person coming back after summer, it'll be fairly easy to find people my age, but between my dual credit classes and NJROTC, I don't know if I'll even have the time to talk to ppl at school, what with the terrible '5-minutes between classes' and no more rule. And even then, if I could roleplay or just sext with a partner online, the sexting laws have not caught up with the modern world.

And with my disability comes another caveat: My parents. I'd have to die of embarrassment just to get the question of going out with a girl (and God forbid, a guy) out. And then I'd have to be like "OK, cool. Just wanted to let you know we'll probably be doing a lot of touchy stuff. No vaginal or anal sex, tho. Promise. )))." And I feel gross just typing that out.

Speaking of gross, it's funny that that CP article you linked talked briefly about a scat fetish cuz hoo boy do I have a lot of gross kinks. I'm going to spare you the mental images and just going to say "I am a dirty, dirty boy." Which is another thing I'm worried about being a turn-off in the bedroom. This is why I'm so frustrated with age laws because I can't even simply identify people my age with those kinda likes, even if I would never try to roleplay them with anybody. I'd have to take the risk of finding people over and over again who would get past my disability and general appearance only to have my hopes dashed when they find out I'm into a bunch of weird stuff.

Am I overthinking things? Am I just being stoopid and missing an obvious solution or worrying too much?

[Tess V]

Hi Valentin0,

There is definitely nothing stupid about how you feel. First of all, I'd like to address the fact that you keep calling your fetishes or fantasies "gross" or "dirty", because there is nothing wrong, gross, or dirty about fantasies and fetishes. Depending on the education or non-education we receive around sex and sexuality, we are taught to feel bad or ashamed of our sexual self but there is nothing to be ashamed of! I'd encourage you to have a look at this article on Overcoming Sexual Shame https://www.scarleteen.com/the_sex_godd ... xual_shame.

Regarding the human connection, have you considered some in-between situations? For instance, do you think you could connect with someone your own age, not necessarily to be sexual but to be intimate and affectionate with? I understand you feel very busy with school and don't feel like you have enough time to build relationships with people from your school but do you think you could try to build some friendships or closer relationships with people in your school?

Let me know if that is something we can think about and plan? Or let me if you have any more questions.

Tess

[Valentin0]

I'm actually very proud of my fetishes, it's just that I'm into toilet stuff and vore lmao and ppl don't like that shit (pun intended) and I don't want to ruin someone's day by making them think about that stuff

[Emily N]

Hi Valentin0,

Your feelings are so valid, it can be really painful to crave human affection and/or sex, and not have someone to share it with. But I think it’s really admirable and important that you already have expectations for future partners in that they will embrace you and your disability rather than it being something they “can’t handle”. I very much agree with Tess that sexual fantasies are not “gross/dirty”. I’m also sorry you feel that you have a “Long List of Things Very, Very Wrong With Me.” Do you want to talk more about that?

I also wanted to add a few Scarleteen articles that have suggestions for talking to your parents about relationships and sex. It can definitely be a difficult topic to bring up, but you might also be surprised that they welcome the conversation. But, of course, you know your relationship with them best, and it’s also okay not to discuss things with your parents if you feel they aren’t the right people to talk to. In addition to discussing talking to your parents about sex/sexuality, this article links some hotlines that might be useful - https://www.scarleteen.com/article/advi ... ur_parents
This article gives more specific advice, but some of the advice may still be helpful so I’ll link it here - https://www.scarleteen.com/article/rela ... w_can_i_st