Masturbating and my friends

[jenny01]

Hi,
So last night me and friends had a discussion. I told them that I masturbate and they freaked out. They all think that masturbating is gross. I asked my friend if she's every touched her pubic hair and she said no. So I asked her how she showered and she said she uses a loofa. I'm kinda concerned for my friends though. Me and my two other friends have never been kissed. I started masturbating bc I was horny. But my friends are going to want to have sex, but they can't even touch themselves. They can't imagine fingering themselves.

I want my friends to get boyfriends and to be touched, but if they can't even touch themselves how are they ever gonna do that?

[Heather]

Hey there.

I'm sorry that your friends reacted this way. It's actually not uncommon for that to happen -- a lot of young people are really uncomfortable talking about masturbation with friends, especially in a group of friends, and in that kind of situation, often many will react that way. Some people who do react that way don't masturbate. Some who react that way do masturbate, but since they see how others are reacting so negatively to the person who says they do, are dishonest and say they don't.

That said, it's really not for you to be involved in if your friends get boyfriends or masturbate unless they're asking for your involvement. If those are things that your friends turn out to want (for those who don't engage in either or both already), your friends will pursue those things on their own in their own time. I also wouldn't assume that what they told you is necessarily an honest representation of how they feel. We know from both people's anecdotal stories (including right here over decades at Scarleteen) and broad study that it's very common for young people to be dishonest with each other in these kinds of sexual discussions, especially in social settings that just aren't very conducive to people feeling very safe, like in a group, rather than one-on-one with someone with whom deep mutual trust has been built over a long time.