Is this normal???!

[Bubblegumkid]

I'm a 17 year old female. I lost my virginity with my boyfriend 4 days ago. Or so i think. I've been close to having sex previously so i know how painful it could get (that's what stopped me from having sex the first time--pain) while me and my boyfriend were getting into it . I would feel pain but not as bad as before. Another thing is i didn't feel in the moment, aroused i guess (even with the previous guy it was the same thing---i didn't orgasm on neither instances) I felt as if he didn't get it all the way through. When i got home i started questioning myself . Like is there something wrong with my virgina?? Why wasn't i aroused because i love my boyfriend?

[Sofi]

Hi Bubblegumkid! Let me just say, there's nothing wrong with your vagina or with you. Perhaps you were a bit nervous or "in your head" and that can cause your body to not relax as much as you want it to, therefore making it painful to have sex--not to mention it was your first time so some pain can be normal for some people. That being said, sex shouldn't be a painful experience every time. Here's a really helpful article that talks about this as well as about arousal before sex, please give it a read because it touches on some important stuff (including "Liking our partner, even being crazy in love with them, isn't the same thing as sexual arousal.")
From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse Does anything in there resonate with you, or is there anything you'd like to discuss from what you read?

[Bubblegumkid]

Happy new year Sofi!
Thanks for the reply and the article recommendation , it was reaally helpful. When we had sex i was very uneasy and anxious because i had snuck out at home, i figure that's why i wasn't totally relaxed plus i didn't even think we would have sex on that day (i felt ready but i wasn't anticipating him to lead us there ) so i guess i was in my head. I'll definitely remember all of this next time. Thank you!

[Heather]

Hey there, Bubblegumkid, I also wanted to check in with you to make sure that you understood that it's actually not normal for there to be pain -- like, it you think something is wrong because you did NOT experience pain, that's not so! In fact, if you felt comfortable instead of in pain, then something was probably right, rather than wrong.

Too, if I hear you right, you're mentioning that your expectations were not meant in terms of not feeling as much vaginal sensation as you expected: do I have that right?

[Bubblegumkid]

Hey Heather

I actually believed that pain was normal and it was what i expected,. I've listened to people telling me about their experiences of losing their virginity and iit always involved pain but after reading the article i had a better understanding of what i should actually feel.



Yes you're right, i don't think my boyfriend actually experienced anything either . I mean i could feel him trying to get in down there but i didn't feel him get through the vaginal canal (i think it's called) I'm too uncomfortable to ask him about it though. Is it possible we didn't have sex?

[Heather]

Hey there.

Is it possible you didn't have penis in vagina intercourse? It is. But it's also possible that it didn't meet your expectations of what that would feel like. This is one of those things where it's going to be hard to say and where it's probably only going to be something you know after some more tries.

That said, one thing we really need with a sexual partner for them to be okay for us as a sexual partner is to be able to talk to them about the sex we're having. So, if this is someone you don't feel comfortable having conversations about the sex you're having with them with, it may be that a) they're not a great choice of partner for you, b) you two may want to step back and work more on getting to that place first, or c) maybe you just need to take a positive risk of talking to him about this and see how it goes. (If it makes you feel any better, this is the kind of conversation I had with the first person I had consensual sex of this kind the first time with: Is THAT All There Is? -- you'll see that even conversations where both people are like, "Well, that was a whole lot of nothing!" can be had and go just fine.)