Feeling satisfied

[crazyboy123]

I think I've said something similar before about this subject but i haven't really felt any better. Sorry if I have repeated anything.

I just feel like when i masturbate it's not good enough. Sometimes it feels like its just something to get over and done with. But i want it to feel good and special. I also struggle with finding new ways to masturbate, or things to do leading up to it. It starts to feel boring now, and I'm not sure what to do. I also feel like I don't have any special kinks or fetishes which makes me boring if that makes sense.

[Heather]

Hey there.

Often, making masturbation more interesting or exciting has more to do with what's in our heads than what we do with our hands (or anything else). In other words, a lot of this comes down to our attitude about it as well as what else is in our heads before and during masturbation.

Kink and fetish isn't about who is boring and who isn't. The idea that if it isn't classified as kinky or a fetish/paraphilia it's boring is a problematic way these things sometimes are understood or categorized by people. The fact of the matter is that someone who is, for instance, into bondage or has, for example, a foot fetish, can, like anyone else, feel like their sex life alone or with others has gone a bit stale.

My best suggestion is to focus on what's in your head and what you can also do for yourself to make masturbation feel more special. I'm talking about things like trying to be more creative with any fantasy you are having, doing your best not to do it if you feel meh about it, and looking at your surroundings and environment and making positive changes. per that last bit, for example, maybe where you do it doesn't feel special and you could make that space more enticing to you. Or, perhaps you're not doing it with something happening ahead of it that might make it feel more special, like a long bath or shower, or turning off electonics and such to really get in the zone.

If and when masturbation feels like a chore, my best advice is to skip it and do something you have more interest in. If we do something sexual again and again feeling like that, it can create mental patterns that make us more and more likely to associate sex/masturbation with feeling blah, which only compounds the problem.

One last suggestion is to remember that masturbation doesn't just have to be about genitals. It's about self-pleasure, which can involve genitals, but doesn't have to, and which also can always involve more of your body *than* your genitals. expanding touch and sensation to other parts of the body can sometimes make a big difference.

[crazyboy123]

Thanks a lot. I just feel like i'm doing the same thing over and over. I do get aroused quite often and feel the need to masturbate. But i kinda want different ways or like you said other body parts. But i'm not really sure how. I also struggle to use anything that might help

[Heather]

You're welcome.

Really, figuring out what to add is about experimenting and exploring, just like you did learning to masturbate with just your genitals, you just probably don't remember a lot of that experimentation process because much of it is potentially far behind you. You just try things, see how they feel and make you feel, and adjust, change up, or drop entirely from there.

One thing I think is really cool and fascinating is this visual representation of spots on the outside of our bodies with a lot of sensory nerve endings: https://sharpbrains.com/blog/2006/10/04 ... o-is-this/

This can be one place to start. Your genitals are nowhere near the only place on your body with loads of sensory nerve endings (the nerve endings that make us able to feel anything when we're touched, anywhere). You can see what it feels like to touch or otherwise stimulate those alone or in combination with your existing masturbation: it's a very good starting point. It might help you to recognize that if we feel good touching our genitals, it's not *just* because of our genitals! It also is something we feel in our hands when we're using them, as well as where blood all flows *around* our genitals and other places when we're sexually aroused. Our bodies can't only involve one area with anything, even when we are only touching one place! Sensory experiences -- like touch, sound or sight -- use multiple systems of the body. Make sense?

[crazyboy123]

Oh that looks interesting. Thanks for that. Do you have any recommendations on what to do. And also it really frustrates me because I have tried quite a few things but nothing seems to work. I've tried making toys and whatnot and it works to an extent. But then i just have to use the usual way to finish off if that makes sense

[Mo]

At the risk of repeating what Heather said above, there really aren't specific things we can recommend, because what feels good during masturbation is pretty personal; what works for one person might not work for another. It sounds like you've been doing some experimentation already, and I'd keep trying things out and seeing how it goes. It might help, too, to think about what a masturbation technique "working" means to you. Does that mean feeling good? Does it mean helping you achieve orgasm? Something else?