Medication-complicated pregnancy scare

[GreenString97]

I’ve been in almost a constant state of panic since the first (and only) time my boyfriend and I had sex involving genital contact and ejaculate (just over a month ago). We had protected sex, but I kept worrying that maybe some ejaculate leaked out of the base of the condom? (The more I think about it, the more I think that [probably] didn’t happen, but what if it did??) I’m pretty sure I have OCD or some other anxiety disorder, and I keep cycling in and out of being 100% convinced that I’m pregnant, and being sure that the risk was really very low and it’s not likely at all.
There’re also two medications that make this whole thing so much harder to figure out. I’m a trans guy, and, with T, I get any kind of bleeding like once a year max normally, and if it does happen it’s very light (I don’t have to use hygiene products or anything) and it lasts like about a week maybe a little less. This year, I did get this bleeding three times (since I started taking an ADHD med) and was on the first day of the second run of it when this maybe-a-risk happened. I had started taking Vyvanse to manage ADHD, and it turns out Vyvanse can cause things like spotting, nausea, cramping, anxiety, muscle soreness, dizziness, etc. I found out anxiety itself can cause things I’ve been experiencing as “symptoms” as well. My dose also slightly changed twice right around when I started feeling symptoms, and those dose variations always made my med side effects much worse. I think the medication was making my anxiety so much worse, and I got the OK to stop taking it. I’ve been off of it four and a half days now, but withdrawal as well as symptoms from the medication can take a week to clear up. I think I still have a tiny bit of nausea and pain? Which is freaking me out, but I am fairly certain it’s gotten better since I stopped that medication?? The symptom of pain was there the day after the dose change, but that day the dose changed slightly there was also some sexual activity, which makes me worried about STIs being the cause of that (although an STI honestly feels like the better alternative to me in this situation).
I’m also worried even though/because I did have some bleeding again (the third time) but only 19 days into a cycle? I guess? After the risk. I really don’t have any kind of regular “period” by any means, so I don’t know if that timing is something to be worried about? It was also very light, but did last 7 days (which is longer than “implantation bleeding” as far as I’ve read so it wound the that I hope?) it was as much of a normal period for me as I can get, and I don’t know if it’s enough to signal that I’m really probably not pregnant or if it’s actually more cause for alarm? I’m worried about the timing of it, but I read stress or a traumatic event can cause it to be early, and I have obviously been very stressed but also a few days before it started I experienced a traumatic event with getting harassed.
Since I’m off the Vyvanse now, it’s probably pretty unlikely that I’ll get any more bleeding this year no matter what’s going on. So, I won’t know from that if my anxieties are real or not, which is also worrying me.
I know I really probably should just take a test and get clear on it. I have absolutely horrible anxiety around that type of test though (medical tests in general). Like, I have through-the-roof anxiety with COVID tests. I get light-headed and shaky and start absolutely freaking while I’m waiting for the test. The anxiety about a pregnancy test would be way worse than a COVID test for me. Other options, like someone else reading the test, just give me even more anxiety.
So, I’ve been Googling things left and right trying to prove to myself that I’m safe (not pregnant) without taking a test, and it always makes the anxiety better only until it makes it worse again.
My anxiety has been better off of the meds. This is my first freak out since I stopped them a few days ago, and with this freak out I’m finally seriously considering a test, am not absolutely convinced that my fears are true, and know that if they were true it would be hard but I would deal with it. So, I think that’s a good sign overall?
This has been the only site that has been any actual help, like, from here I’ve realized my anxiety around this is too high to have that kind of sex again. I’m still having anxiety especially with all of these complications though, and any feedback at all would be super helpful; thank you so much for your time!

[Nicole]

Hi GreenString97,

Welcome to the boards! I'm really sorry to hear about the frustration involving pregnancy scares and your medication. I want to start by recommending that you and your partner have a conversation and potentially stop having intercourse if it is causing you anxiety and panic. There are other forms of sex that are "safer" and possibly won't cause the emotions you're experiencing. You mentioned stopping sex at the end of your post, so it seems like we're on the same page.

As for nausea and dizziness symptoms you've been experiencing after getting off the medication--they sound like pretty normal withdrawal symptoms to me. I think that if you have any further questions about this, you should reach out to your doctor. I do want to ask, when you mention pain, where are you experiencing it? Like what part of your body? Additionally, I usually tell users that if there is bleeding, then you are most likely not pregnant. Hearing this might not fix your anxiety, so it might help to reach out to a therapist to talk it out. Are you currently seeing one? I mention this because we are not medical professionals and we want to make sure you get well taken care of! It seems like this has been seriously messing with your mental health and overall well-being.

In regards to test-taking anxiety, I can understand the anxiety if the results can be life-altering. I do want to ask, how would you feel if it came back negative? If you avoid taking the test, would these anxious thoughts just continue to linger? Do you think the anxiety of taking the test or the anxiety of avoiding taking the test would be "easier" to deal with? I know these are some tough questions, but you did mention that you might have reached your limit and may be ready to take a test.

Lastly, I know you said our website has been helpful, which is great! I just want to ask if you've taken the time to look into our Pregnancy Panic Companion. I think this resource could be helpful in your situation. Overall, please let me know if my response resonated with you in any way. Please take care.