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im feeling shame again

Questions and discussion about your sexual lives, choices, activities, ideas and experiences.
SillyMcGoof_
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im feeling shame again

Unread post by SillyMcGoof_ »

hi! i just wanted to get some thoughts out and maybe get some advice bc i’ve been having a hard time recently (just a warning, this will be kinda vent-y and it’ll have to do with alot of my internalized sex negativity so yeah)

so as the title says, i’ve been feeling shame again in terms of my sexual feelings and urges. i’ve been doing good for the past few weeks but for some reason recently i’ve just felt so icky.

i’ve been feeling very gross, impure, and like a bad person in general for my thoughts and urges. i feel disgusted with myself. i feel this sense of guilt and disgust when i interact with my family or pets because my brain tells me “how can you interact with them after you’ve done/thought those things? you’re disgusting and a creep”.

i feel disgusting, like a creep, like a pervert, like a bad person and idk why. i dont feel this way with other people, just myself. i dont know what to do about it.

im sorry if posts like this are not allowed in this particular section, if so feel free to delete it, i just need some advice bc yeah.
Amanda B
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Re: im feeling shame again

Unread post by Amanda B »

Hi there SillyMcGoof_,

I'm sorry you're experiencing some uncomfortable feelings about your sexuality. It sounds like you've been on a journey exploring your sexuality a lot lately, which can be exciting but complicated at the same time. There is nothing shameful about sexuality, but there are unfortunately so many messages society throws at us that tell us otherwise. It sounds like you've already done some reflecting and acknowledgment of some internalized sex negativity. This is a great start in understanding the root of the shame you're experiencing. Would be you comfortable exploring and saying more about why you think you may be experiencing these "gross and impure" feelings?

I'll also say that it's normal to feel a range of emotions when starting to explore your sexuality, some good, bad, and everything in between. As I said, we're often around messages that discuss sex negatively, so it makes sense to have internalized these messages. Just know it's normal to feel these things, it will likely be temporary, and try your best to not pay too much attention to them. Acknowledging feelings is always important, but it's up to you how much importance you give them.
SillyMcGoof_
not a newbie
Posts: 271
Joined: Mon Mar 06, 2023 1:53 pm
Age: 16
Awesomeness Quotient: alot of things!! a bit too much to put here lol
Primary language: english
Pronouns: he/him
Sexual identity: aroallo and queer
Location: united states

Re: im feeling shame again

Unread post by SillyMcGoof_ »

hi! first of all thank you for the kind words :)

to go more into the “gross and impure” feelings, i guess it’s partially bc of how young i am. like i feel like i should be pure and not like this. also alot of it is my intrusive thoughts telling me that im impure or almost like ive been “contaminated” by my feelings? not sure. this is also why i feel gross, like a pervert, even a predator, etc when i interact with pets, friends, or family after doing something sexual or when im having certain sexual thoughts. its a bit hard to explain so sorry if im not making the most sense.

i said this in a previous post but i think i might have ocd or i atleast have alot of symptoms so thats alot of the reason why i get these thoughts.
Sam W
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Re: im feeling shame again

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi SillyMcGoof_,

It's certainly possible that OCD or another anxiety disorder is feeding some of this, particularly if you're finding it really hard to shake them no matter what you do. So, it's possible that if you get a diagnosis or find ways of managing the larger issue, you'll notice a decrease in these thoughts.

Do you think it would help at all to read about the fact that having sexual thoughts and feelings at 14 is completely okay and common?
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
SillyMcGoof_
not a newbie
Posts: 271
Joined: Mon Mar 06, 2023 1:53 pm
Age: 16
Awesomeness Quotient: alot of things!! a bit too much to put here lol
Primary language: english
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Sexual identity: aroallo and queer
Location: united states

Re: im feeling shame again

Unread post by SillyMcGoof_ »

i do think that might help a bit, yes
SillyMcGoof_
not a newbie
Posts: 271
Joined: Mon Mar 06, 2023 1:53 pm
Age: 16
Awesomeness Quotient: alot of things!! a bit too much to put here lol
Primary language: english
Pronouns: he/him
Sexual identity: aroallo and queer
Location: united states

Re: im feeling shame again

Unread post by SillyMcGoof_ »

if you wanna link any articles you recommend that is definitely appreciated!! (if not thats ok too) (also i sound a bit passive aggressive but i swear im not trying to sound mean or anything im just not great at wording things)
Sam W
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 10320
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 33
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
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Sexual identity: queer
Location: Coast

Re: im feeling shame again

Unread post by Sam W »

And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
SillyMcGoof_
not a newbie
Posts: 271
Joined: Mon Mar 06, 2023 1:53 pm
Age: 16
Awesomeness Quotient: alot of things!! a bit too much to put here lol
Primary language: english
Pronouns: he/him
Sexual identity: aroallo and queer
Location: united states

Re: im feeling shame again

Unread post by SillyMcGoof_ »

thanks! also if its not too much to ask do you have any articles/resources that might help with internalized sex negativity and my intrusive thoughts surrounding sex (such as the ones that tell me im a predator and stuff)?
Sofi
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Re: im feeling shame again

Unread post by Sofi »

SillyMcGoof_
not a newbie
Posts: 271
Joined: Mon Mar 06, 2023 1:53 pm
Age: 16
Awesomeness Quotient: alot of things!! a bit too much to put here lol
Primary language: english
Pronouns: he/him
Sexual identity: aroallo and queer
Location: united states

Re: im feeling shame again

Unread post by SillyMcGoof_ »

thank you all so much for the help!!
Heather
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Re: im feeling shame again

Unread post by Heather »

I really like this portion of this larger piece, too, Silly: https://www.scarleteen.com/the_sex_godd ... xual_shame
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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