im feeling shame again

[SillyMcGoof_]

hi! i just wanted to get some thoughts out and maybe get some advice bc i’ve been having a hard time recently (just a warning, this will be kinda vent-y and it’ll have to do with alot of my internalized sex negativity so yeah)

so as the title says, i’ve been feeling shame again in terms of my sexual feelings and urges. i’ve been doing good for the past few weeks but for some reason recently i’ve just felt so icky.

i’ve been feeling very gross, impure, and like a bad person in general for my thoughts and urges. i feel disgusted with myself. i feel this sense of guilt and disgust when i interact with my family or pets because my brain tells me “how can you interact with them after you’ve done/thought those things? you’re disgusting and a creep”.

i feel disgusting, like a creep, like a pervert, like a bad person and idk why. i dont feel this way with other people, just myself. i dont know what to do about it.

im sorry if posts like this are not allowed in this particular section, if so feel free to delete it, i just need some advice bc yeah.

[Amanda B]

Hi there SillyMcGoof_,

I'm sorry you're experiencing some uncomfortable feelings about your sexuality. It sounds like you've been on a journey exploring your sexuality a lot lately, which can be exciting but complicated at the same time. There is nothing shameful about sexuality, but there are unfortunately so many messages society throws at us that tell us otherwise. It sounds like you've already done some reflecting and acknowledgment of some internalized sex negativity. This is a great start in understanding the root of the shame you're experiencing. Would be you comfortable exploring and saying more about why you think you may be experiencing these "gross and impure" feelings?

I'll also say that it's normal to feel a range of emotions when starting to explore your sexuality, some good, bad, and everything in between. As I said, we're often around messages that discuss sex negatively, so it makes sense to have internalized these messages. Just know it's normal to feel these things, it will likely be temporary, and try your best to not pay too much attention to them. Acknowledging feelings is always important, but it's up to you how much importance you give them.

[SillyMcGoof_]

hi! first of all thank you for the kind words

to go more into the “gross and impure” feelings, i guess it’s partially bc of how young i am. like i feel like i should be pure and not like this. also alot of it is my intrusive thoughts telling me that im impure or almost like ive been “contaminated” by my feelings? not sure. this is also why i feel gross, like a pervert, even a predator, etc when i interact with pets, friends, or family after doing something sexual or when im having certain sexual thoughts. its a bit hard to explain so sorry if im not making the most sense.

i said this in a previous post but i think i might have ocd or i atleast have alot of symptoms so thats alot of the reason why i get these thoughts.

[Sam W]

Hi SillyMcGoof_,

It's certainly possible that OCD or another anxiety disorder is feeding some of this, particularly if you're finding it really hard to shake them no matter what you do. So, it's possible that if you get a diagnosis or find ways of managing the larger issue, you'll notice a decrease in these thoughts.

Do you think it would help at all to read about the fact that having sexual thoughts and feelings at 14 is completely okay and common?

[SillyMcGoof_]

i do think that might help a bit, yes

[SillyMcGoof_]

if you wanna link any articles you recommend that is definitely appreciated!! (if not thats ok too) (also i sound a bit passive aggressive but i swear im not trying to sound mean or anything im just not great at wording things)

[Sam W]

Okay! Here are some starting places:
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/advi ... o_want_sex
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/rela ... or_romance
https://www.scarleteen.com/article/advi ... d_bothered

[SillyMcGoof_]

thanks! also if its not too much to ask do you have any articles/resources that might help with internalized sex negativity and my intrusive thoughts surrounding sex (such as the ones that tell me im a predator and stuff)?

[Sofi]

Here's a few pieces that hopefully can help:
How to Understand, Identify and Make Choices About Desire
Deep down I think that sex is bad and wrong. What can I do??
Raised to think sex was dirty and it's left me feeling inhuman and insecure

[SillyMcGoof_]

thank you all so much for the help!!

[Heather]

I really like this portion of this larger piece, too, Silly: https://www.scarleteen.com/the_sex_godd ... xual_shame