Struggling

When you want support through something scary or rough, and help pulling yourself together and getting through, this is the place.
Forum rules
We ask that users looking for general, ongoing emotional support post in this area of the boards, and that you use this space to both ask for, give and receive that support primarily from each other, rather than from our staff and volunteers. As a staff, we simply are often too overextended with all we need to do in running the organization and its services to do that for extended periods of time, and one of our main aims of our community at the boards has always been to facilitate peers to better be there for each other.

Users often report that they have no in-person peers they can talk to or seek support from: we want this to be a space for online peer support and somewhere everyone can get some practice asking for, getting and giving support so that doing it with people in your lives feels more doable.

Please remember that neither staff, volunteers nor your fellow users can provide or replace mental healthcare when that is something you need. Users struggling with issues like anxiety, depression, abuse or physical health issues are strongly encouraged to seek out qualified, in-person help with those issues in addition to peer or staff support.
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Elle_17
not a newbie
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon May 15, 2023 8:35 am
Age: 19
Awesomeness Quotient: How much I care about people’s well-being
Primary language: English
Pronouns: She/her
Sexual identity: Bisexual
Location: England,Southampton

Struggling

Unread post by Elle_17 »

I was at work ( I’m a care assistant) and someone died whilst I was looking after them. It has brought up a lot of memories because my grandad has only recently passed away, it’s causing me to have suicidal and self harm thoughts. I don’t want to harm myself but I don’t have any other choice :( I’m really struggling :cry:
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Sam W
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 10320
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 33
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Coast

Re: Struggling

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi Elle_17,

That sounds like an absolutely gut-wrenching thing to experience, and I'm so sorry you're dealing with grief from losing a loved one on top of the grief you feel from witnessing someone under your care pass away.

Before we address anything else, your safety is the top priority. So, if you think you're at risk of harming yourself to cope with this, my first ask is that you reach out to a hotline or other resource designed specifically to help with that. Here are several options: https://findahelpline.com/gb-eng/sth. Can you reach out to one of those and then come back to us after you get support there?
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
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Elle_17
not a newbie
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon May 15, 2023 8:35 am
Age: 19
Awesomeness Quotient: How much I care about people’s well-being
Primary language: English
Pronouns: She/her
Sexual identity: Bisexual
Location: England,Southampton

Re: Struggling

Unread post by Elle_17 »

Hi Sam I will reach out to a helpline sorry
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Sam W
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 10320
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 33
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Coast

Re: Struggling

Unread post by Sam W »

No need to apologize! You're more than welcome to come back and get support here as well, I just wanted to make sure we prioritized getting you the kind of support that was most urgent in this moment <3
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
Top
Elle_17
not a newbie
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon May 15, 2023 8:35 am
Age: 19
Awesomeness Quotient: How much I care about people’s well-being
Primary language: English
Pronouns: She/her
Sexual identity: Bisexual
Location: England,Southampton

Re: Struggling

Unread post by Elle_17 »

Hi Sam, I feel ok now. I reached out to a helpline it felt so much better!
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Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9703
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: Struggling

Unread post by Heather »

Hey there, Elle.

If at any time how you're feeling changes and you need some extra support around this death, I'm happy to talk with you. I'm someone who has experienced a lot of death, and supported many people in it, and I'm also in death doula training. <3
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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Elle_17
not a newbie
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon May 15, 2023 8:35 am
Age: 19
Awesomeness Quotient: How much I care about people’s well-being
Primary language: English
Pronouns: She/her
Sexual identity: Bisexual
Location: England,Southampton

Re: Struggling

Unread post by Elle_17 »

Heather wrote: ↑Mon May 15, 2023 2:29 pm Hey there, Elle.

If at any time how you're feeling changes and you need some extra support around this death, I'm happy to talk with you. I'm someone who has experienced a lot of death, and supported many people in it, and I'm also in death doula training. <3
Hi heather,

Losing him has really gotten to me, like I know how sad my dad is, which makes this situation even worse. I just wish he was still alive :(. I’d love to have someone to talk to
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Sam W
previous staff/volunteer
Posts: 10320
Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
Age: 33
Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/her
Sexual identity: queer
Location: Coast

Re: Struggling

Unread post by Sam W »

Hi Elle,

I just wanted to let you know Heather isn't in today, but that I'll let them know you've responded and would like to take them up on their offer!
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
Top
Elle_17
not a newbie
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon May 15, 2023 8:35 am
Age: 19
Awesomeness Quotient: How much I care about people’s well-being
Primary language: English
Pronouns: She/her
Sexual identity: Bisexual
Location: England,Southampton

Re: Struggling

Unread post by Elle_17 »

Sam W wrote: ↑Tue May 16, 2023 9:01 am Hi Elle,

I just wanted to let you know Heather isn't in today, but that I'll let them know you've responded and would like to take them up on their offer!
Hey Sam,

Aw ok! Hugs
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Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9703
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: Struggling

Unread post by Heather »

Hey, elle. I'm around today if you'd like to talk. I'll be in until about 5 CST. I'll also be here tomorrow from about 10 - 5 CST.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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