Sex doesn’t feel all that great with my boyfriend

[babyanon333]

So my boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half now and have had sex multiple times. He’s very good in bed and not a selfish partner at all, he doesn’t finish fast and overall is mind browning. It’s not him that’s the problem it’s me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me but for some reason despite him doing everything right I can’t seem to orgasm or even feel a good amount of please it’s always just, okay. I feel more like a sex toy then a girlfriend having an intimate moment with her boyfriend and enjoying herself. I do feel pretty good when i use a vibrator but that can only get me so far as I don’t orgasm with that either. I’ve tried to read so many different forums trying to figure out my issue but after nothing I decided to just resort to asking myself. any tips I can use to help me out?

[Latha]

Hi there, babyanon333

This must be so frustrating! I wish I could offer you a simple solution- unfortunately, there isn't one. But don't worry, some patience and some trial and error usually do the trick. To begin, I have some notes, and a question:

• For now at least, don't push yourself to orgasm- instead, try to explore what feels good on your own and with your partner.

• If using a vibrator feels good, you can incorporate that into sex with your partner.

I feel more like a sex toy then a girlfriend having an intimate moment with her boyfriend and enjoying herself.

If you don't mind, would you tell us a bit more about this feeling?

[babyanon333]

Hi! thank you so much for replying back, I’m going to try exploring different things with my boyfriend tomorrow and have a honest conversation about what feels good and what doesn’t. As for your question, it’s just that sometimes I space off into my thoughts and just want him to finish already but at the same time I want to satisfy him but i’m not feeling satisfied. not sure if i worded that right haha. I never feel frustrated after sex I kind of just shrug it off and happy that I at-least made him happy and It felt kind of good instead of not good at all. However it is frustrating to hear all about how penetration feels great and the G spot, but I don’t feel any of that. It just feels like a penis inside me no matter how turned on or wet I am. Is it a mental thing?

[Latha]

Hi there,

I’m going to try exploring different things with my boyfriend tomorrow and have a honest conversation about what feels good and what doesn’t.

That sounds like a great idea!

sometimes I space off into my thoughts and just want him to finish already but at the same time I want to satisfy him but i’m not feeling satisfied. not sure if i worded that right

Don't worry, I think I understand. Pleasing a partner can be good in its own right, but it is important to make sure sex feels pleasurable for you too.

It just feels like a penis inside me no matter how turned on or wet I am.

Actually, this isn't that unusual. Penetration has a lot of good publicity, but for many people, it isn't very pleasurable on its own. The vagina isn't particularly rich in sensory nerves- most of the nerves it has are concentrated in the first few inches. The clitoris and vulva have many more nerves, so it might be more pleasurable if you try to stimulate those areas while you have sex. The G spot does exist, but it may respond better to targeted stimulation from something like fingering, than to the more general stimulation of penetration.

If you'd like, you can check out these advice columns about this subject:
The Great No-Orgasm-From-Intercourse Conundrum
Not feeling much with penetration, what's up with that?