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Firstly, I just wanted to say I am so flipping grateful for Scarleteen. I am 26 now and have been on/off on here for the last decade. I’ve just made a new account though as I can’t remember my old login so I hope that’s OK. The advice you guys provide is so awesome and I think I only realise the true extent of how helpful it is now that I’m older
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I hope I’m still OK to post on here given my age - I don’t really have anybody to talk too about this kinda stuff
![Smile :)](./images/smilies/icon_e_smile.gif)
I matched with this guy on tinder two months ago - let’s call him A. A and I immediately clicked within our first couple messages and started sending voice messages to each other within the hour. We had a phone call later that night for FOUR hours
Long story short - I told him about a month ago how I felt and he said he feels the exact same. He said he cares about me a lot and I’m very very special to him. He is truly the most amazing person. I’ve had a lot of issues with guys in the past and have struggles that make dating kind of difficult. But he’s truly so gentle and kind and it makes me realise that it’s time I stopped shutting down affection like I’ve done in the past and let myself actually be loved despite my insecurities. I feel like he actually sees me for me - rather than the terrible flirtatious relationships I had in the past just trying to fill a void.
We haven’t met in person yet as he lives two hours away at the moment but is moving closer in a couple months to be closer to his son who lives in a town near me. He’s expressed multiple times how he can’t wait to meet me and thinks he and I could be the real deal. I totally feel the same way but I have a lot of worries about things which are starting to trouble me. I guess I’ll start with the main thing that’s starting to stress me out.
I struggle with body image - I’ve put on weight over the last couple years due to being diagnosed with a chronic illness and I’m feeling pretty insecure about it. Usually I’m not too bothered by it but now that there’s something real on the cards with a guy I am super keen on, I’m starting to panic about my body. A always calls me beautiful but I worry I look significantly bigger in person than my photos he’s seen. He’s said countless times he’s not bothered that I’m not “skinny” and he likes me for my personality and not just my looks. But I am still very insecure about my body. I don’t really wear makeup nor dress up and I feel like perhaps I’m not “feminine” enough once he meets me because I’m a “pyjamas and comfy clothes” kinda girl.
I’ve always had body image issues due to my mother having an ED that impacted her parenting me as a teen. I frequently would yo-yo between being super slim and being chubby over the years and would feel guilt around food. Last couple of years, I’ve started trying to find food freedom and honour my cravings and actually let myself enjoy eating without the guilt and feeling ashamed of myself. My relationship with food is a lot more natural now although my family don’t seem to understand it. My mother makes comments about my weight/what I eat/how much I eat and can get quite nasty (she has mental health issues) despite me asking her not to do that.
I walked away from a guy I really liked in the past after my mother’s comments got to me (she said he wouldn’t like me for the way I look now) and I really don’t want to do that this time with A. But I am just so scared and feel so torn between loving my body for what it’s done for me yet also hating it for being pale, chubby and flabby.
I’m worried that he may be secretly let down by how I look in person and the fact I’m very much low key and natural in the way I dress/present myself. I’ve seen photos of his ex partner with their son and she’s very slim and delicate so I feel a bit like Shrek with my big pale thighs, not the greatest teeth and bad acne.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read this and reply! Xx