Desire for sex but can’t feel aroused

[riya.xo]

I have this drive for sex, and definitely feel desire when I imagine certain scenarios or read a spicy novel, but I feel like I’m lacking on the actual physical feeling of arousal. I feel a bit of a pulse down there, but I don’t feel anything stimulating when I try to masturbate, and I feel dry down there too. I’m so confused of what my problem is.

[Willa]

Hi Riya.xo,

Even when one is mentally in a state of arousal, it can sometimes take a build-up of physical stimulation to reach a state of physical arousal. You can start with these imagined scenarios or novels by stimulating other parts of the body first: chest, face, arms etc. Taking the time to set the mood and pay attention to how different sensations feel can help build the feeling of physical arousal. I can link a source that discusses the basics of masturbation and maybe some new things that you can try: https://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodi ... sturbation. Incorporating different types of masturbation or outside components such as lubrication may be helpful to you as well.

[riya.xo]

Thank you so much for the advice.

Is it normal? I feel like getting physically aroused is so easy for most people, based on what I’ve heard in the past. It’s never happened to me before, no matter what I try, but I don’t believe I have a low sex drive. Every time I try to stimulate myself, it feels more like a light tickle if anything.

[Andy]

Hi there, riya.xo!

Don’t worry, you are by far not the only person experiencing this, people's sexual responses are way more varied and nuanced than it’s portrayed in media or even more than people often admit themselves. I think a quick search through our boards will help you find other people with similar experiences and reading through the threads might even lead to discovering some ideas what to try!

In addition to that, it might be helpful to think about how does your body and mind feel at the moment, do you feel relaxed, tense, frustrated, excited...? Also, are you able to experience pleasure in other non-sexual ways? This can be anything like taking a bath, getting a massage or having something good to eat.

[Lydia0001]

I recommend exploring relaxation techniques to reduce stress and increase arousal, such as deep breathing or mindfulness exercises. Additionally, incorporating more foreplay and sensual activities into your sexual experiences may enhance physical arousal.

Alternatively you can try really hard on feelings that would arouse someone, and try to think about it, maybe it's just not natural to you just yet and just need a lil' bit of concentration