Scarleteen is closed for the next two days, so that's Thursday, October 31st (for Halloween) and Friday, November 1st (for Diwali). We'll be back and able to answer your questions on Saturday. Catch you soon!
I feel like I'm going crazy
-
- not a newbie
- Posts: 36
- Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2023 4:44 pm
- Age: 17
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: he/him
- Location: United States
I feel like I'm going crazy
TW cutting, self harm
I want to cut somebody or myself, or watch somebody self harm for sexual reasons really badly.
I would never do it to another person, and in all my fantasies it's consensual, but I feel like such a terrible person for struggling with this.
I've been trying so hard to be attracted to normal things, but it never works. The only thing I'm attracted to is cutting and I don't know what to do anymore.
I genuinely feel like I'm going crazy. The worst part about this is not being able to share it with anyone because they'd either think I'm a freak or unfriend me. I want to be rid of this attraction so badly, I don't want to feel like a terrible person anymore.
I want to cut somebody or myself, or watch somebody self harm for sexual reasons really badly.
I would never do it to another person, and in all my fantasies it's consensual, but I feel like such a terrible person for struggling with this.
I've been trying so hard to be attracted to normal things, but it never works. The only thing I'm attracted to is cutting and I don't know what to do anymore.
I genuinely feel like I'm going crazy. The worst part about this is not being able to share it with anyone because they'd either think I'm a freak or unfriend me. I want to be rid of this attraction so badly, I don't want to feel like a terrible person anymore.
-
- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 10320
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
- Age: 33
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Coast
Re: I feel like I'm going crazy
Hi Suomi,
I'm sorry that these fantasies are continuing to cause you such distress. I want to start by saying that your fantasies don't make you a terrible person. Our fantasies exist inside our minds and our minds alone; they can't do anyone any harm (or any good, for that matter) unless we act on them. People can and do enjoy fantasies about things they'd never want to do in real life, or that they find abhorrent when they happen in the real world. Does that make sense?
Too, it may help to remember that you don't need to share this with anyone if you're not comfortable doing so. Even if you have a sexual partner, you don't have to tell them every single sexual thought or fantasy we have, especially if it's one where your ability to explore it safely in the real world is limited or doesn't exist.
I'm sorry that these fantasies are continuing to cause you such distress. I want to start by saying that your fantasies don't make you a terrible person. Our fantasies exist inside our minds and our minds alone; they can't do anyone any harm (or any good, for that matter) unless we act on them. People can and do enjoy fantasies about things they'd never want to do in real life, or that they find abhorrent when they happen in the real world. Does that make sense?
Too, it may help to remember that you don't need to share this with anyone if you're not comfortable doing so. Even if you have a sexual partner, you don't have to tell them every single sexual thought or fantasy we have, especially if it's one where your ability to explore it safely in the real world is limited or doesn't exist.
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
-
- not a newbie
- Posts: 36
- Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2023 4:44 pm
- Age: 17
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: he/him
- Location: United States
Re: I feel like I'm going crazy
Yeah, that makes sense. Thank you very much for the reassurance.
That's true, it's just that keeping it bottled up makes me feel awful. I feel like if everybody knew they'd hate me.
I'm also worried for my safety as I've cut myself for sexual reasons before. And I'm worried that if I do somehow find a partner who will enable me then I'll hurt them too. I know that'll probably never happen but I'm so scared of hurting other people.
I just want to do it so badly and I haven't found anything else that makes me feel the same. I'm sorry if this sounds whiny, I really do appreciate the response.
That's true, it's just that keeping it bottled up makes me feel awful. I feel like if everybody knew they'd hate me.
I'm also worried for my safety as I've cut myself for sexual reasons before. And I'm worried that if I do somehow find a partner who will enable me then I'll hurt them too. I know that'll probably never happen but I'm so scared of hurting other people.
I just want to do it so badly and I haven't found anything else that makes me feel the same. I'm sorry if this sounds whiny, I really do appreciate the response.
-
- scarleteen staff/volunteer
- Posts: 653
- Joined: Sat May 22, 2021 6:13 am
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: Queer
- Location: India
Re: I feel like I'm going crazy
Hi Suomi!
We certainly don't hate you, and I don't think anyone who understands the nature of kink and fantasies would hate you. I'm sorry you feel like you are bottling this up, and that it makes you feel so awful. Maybe reframing how you think about this will make you feel better. You're not keeping a secret from other people, you're just keeping something to yourself, because it is private. How does this sound?
I understand why you're worried about your safety and the safety of any partners you might have, because this is an activity that carries a certain degree of risk. I wonder if learning about harm reduction methods for this kind of activity would alleviate your concerns. You could look into the best ways to treat cuts, or where you should avoid cutting. Too, sometimes people with this kind of kink will not actually cut into skin- they will just run a knife along or on top of someone's skin.
We certainly don't hate you, and I don't think anyone who understands the nature of kink and fantasies would hate you. I'm sorry you feel like you are bottling this up, and that it makes you feel so awful. Maybe reframing how you think about this will make you feel better. You're not keeping a secret from other people, you're just keeping something to yourself, because it is private. How does this sound?
I understand why you're worried about your safety and the safety of any partners you might have, because this is an activity that carries a certain degree of risk. I wonder if learning about harm reduction methods for this kind of activity would alleviate your concerns. You could look into the best ways to treat cuts, or where you should avoid cutting. Too, sometimes people with this kind of kink will not actually cut into skin- they will just run a knife along or on top of someone's skin.
-
- not a newbie
- Posts: 36
- Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2023 4:44 pm
- Age: 17
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: he/him
- Location: United States
Re: I feel like I'm going crazy
That sounds good actually, thank you.
And that's a good idea- I was under the impression that I'd never be able to engage in it at all in real life. I'll try my best to be safe with how I engage in it, thank you again.
And that's a good idea- I was under the impression that I'd never be able to engage in it at all in real life. I'll try my best to be safe with how I engage in it, thank you again.
-
- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 10320
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
- Age: 33
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Coast
Re: I feel like I'm going crazy
Hi Suomi,
If I recall correctly, I think we talked about ways you could safely explore this fantasy in a past thread. I do have to say that, while Latha made a sound point about harm reduction, from a safety standpoint, we can't recommend that you actually do anything that would involve cutting the skin; the risks associated with that are just too high to be able to do it safely and if it goes wrong it's going to go really, really wrong (if you look at the boards, you'll see we've also had that conversation with people who ask about choking in sexual contexts; some activities are high-risk enough that we can't advise people on how to do them).
If I recall correctly, I think we talked about ways you could safely explore this fantasy in a past thread. I do have to say that, while Latha made a sound point about harm reduction, from a safety standpoint, we can't recommend that you actually do anything that would involve cutting the skin; the risks associated with that are just too high to be able to do it safely and if it goes wrong it's going to go really, really wrong (if you look at the boards, you'll see we've also had that conversation with people who ask about choking in sexual contexts; some activities are high-risk enough that we can't advise people on how to do them).
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
-
- not a newbie
- Posts: 36
- Joined: Mon Jun 12, 2023 4:44 pm
- Age: 17
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: he/him
- Location: United States
Re: I feel like I'm going crazy
Ahh I see, thank you for explaining. I'll control myself then.
Thanks to you both for talking to me
Thanks to you both for talking to me
-
- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 10320
- Joined: Mon Jul 28, 2014 9:06 am
- Age: 33
- Awesomeness Quotient: I raise carnivorous plants
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Coast
Re: I feel like I'm going crazy
You're very welcome!
And you to whom adversity has dealt the final blow/with smiling bastards lying to you everywhere you go/turn to and put out all your strength of arm and heart and brain/and like the Mary Ellen Carter rise again.
-
- Similar Topics
- Replies
- Views
- Last post
-
- 20 Replies
- 695 Views
-
Last post by Heather
Wed Oct 30, 2024 6:45 am
-
-
New post i don't feel anything when my boyfriend tries to pleasure me and i feel really guilty
by maxipad101 » Tue Dec 26, 2023 4:11 pm » in Got Questions? Get Answers. - 1 Replies
- 68047 Views
-
Last post by Nadine E.
Wed Dec 27, 2023 4:32 am
-
-
-
New post why do I only feel pleasure when I feel the need to pee?
by cyb3rs1ck » Fri Apr 26, 2024 1:22 am » in Sex & Sexuality - 1 Replies
- 9539 Views
-
Last post by Andy
Fri Apr 26, 2024 1:57 am
-
-
-
New post What to do if I never feel aroused
by kasra2000 » Wed Mar 13, 2024 1:11 am » in Sex & Sexuality - 2 Replies
- 48786 Views
-
Last post by kasra2000
Wed Mar 13, 2024 6:10 pm
-
-
-
New post Don't feel anything when masturbating
by reidobviouslyy » Tue Apr 30, 2024 6:57 pm » in Sex & Sexuality - 3 Replies
- 4189 Views
-
Last post by Sam W
Thu May 02, 2024 7:33 am
-