Am I Asexual?

[Leopard96]

Hi, this is my first time posting.
I've had this brewing in my head for a while now, and it's really been bothering me.
I need answers.
For starters, I'm not sure if I'm asexual or not. I like to masturbate, but just thinking of actually having sex with anybody else sort of disgusts me. It's also the same deal with sending nudes or anything of that sort. I do agree to send them, but for some reason I just feel a bit disgusted after I do it. Same thing with masturbation; just whenever I do do anything sexual; I feel disgusted with myself after. I've never had sex; but just thinking of having it sort of turns me off. Could this just me being traumatized by a few sexual events from when I was younger? I honestly don't know. I just really need to know if this counts as me being a possible Asexual or not. I do enjoy reading up on those sorts of things, and looking at imagery; but if I were to ever get in a situation where it was sex or something like that, I don't think I'd engage? I'm not too sure. I'm open to hearing out about other labels too, but I just really want to figure myself out.

[Andy]

Hi Leopard96 and welcome to the boards!

While we won’t be able to tell you if you are or aren’t asexual as it is completely up to you to decide which identity words fits you the best, we can try talking about your feelings and experiences to see if it helps you to answer that question for yourself!

First, I would like to ask a bit about the feeling of disgust you mention. Is it more like "That felt nice but I shouldn’t have done it because it’s not right/something bad will happen" or more like "I just don’t like doing this"? Determining if guilt is a factor here and looking for it’s source might give you sense of where these feelings are coming from. This might be things like negative messages about sex and sexuality you got from media or people around you or inadequate sex education.
Also, a gentle reminder, if any sexual activity is making you feel crummy afterwards, it might be your mind telling you it’s best for you to hold off it for a while.

It’s also possible that the sexual experiences you had when you were younger impacted how you feel about sex now, if they are something you would like to talk more about here we can definitely do that.

Lastly, if you would like to read more on asexuality as well as other identities that fall under the asexual umbrella you can start with our Asexuality primer and you will find even more about all this on AVEN . And if it inspires any more thoughts or questions feel free to ask them!

[Leopard96]

Thank you Andy!
It's more of a feeling like, "This feels nice but I feel bad doing it?" Sort of thing? It also depends on the activity it is. For masturbation and things similar to that, it goes along right in with that feeling; but with nudes, it just feels sort of wrong and I don't enjoy it, no matter if i'm receiving any back. Not sure how to describe it. Whenever I do partake in sexual activity, it feels sort of overwhelming and I regret doing it afterwords. I do have a bit of trauma with SA when I was younger, but i'm not sure if that can affect how I feel towards anything sexually now?
It's just all really confusing to me, and I want to figure myself out before committing to something I don't like as much. To describe it in other ways, I'd love to be in a relationship with somebody and be a partner to them; but I wouldn't want them to exactly touch me or do anything like that with me. I feel like doing that sort of thing should only be with me and myself, and nobody else?

[Latha]

Hi Leopard96!

and I want to figure myself out before committing to something I don't like as much

Just to clarify, what would you be committing to?

I agree with Andy - you don't have to participate in any activity that leaves you with feelings of wrongness, guilt, and regret. It is definitely possible for you to have a relationship where you don't do anything sexual with your partner. Sex can be an activity that you explore on your own.

Sometimes trauma can affect how people feel about sex, even many years later. While I can't say if this is what is happening in your case, I think you can still identify as asexual even if you're not sure how past trauma might be influencing your experience of attraction. If asexuality best describes how you relate to attraction or the kinds of relationships you want to have, you can use the word. You can always change the label you use in the future if you feel like another identity describes your experiences better.

How does this sound?

[Leopard96]

It sounds good, thank you so much Andy and Latha. I really appreciate this website and these forums thanks to people like you. I think I might use the label, but I'll most possibly wait a few more days to do more self-discovering. Thank you! <3

[Andy]

I’m glad to hear our conversation was helpful!
Let us know if there is anything else we can do for you <3