mastubration doesnt feel like its supposed to?

[wolfdawgdamien]

hiii it's my first time putting anything on here sorry if this is a mess idk how to put my thoughts into words. im 18 and a trans guy. i recently started 'properly' masturbating, i got a vibrator and have been experimenting more. for context i started testosterone a few weeks ago. im on a very high medication dose (and have been my whole life) of depression meds so ive never had a high libido (if any at all) so this is all kinda new to me.
is squirting a lot normal?? god idk its kinda gross and everywhere ive read says its normal but it just feel like im peeing idk if thats normal!!
maybe im just not getting into the correct mindset or so idk im being too negative or something but i havent been able to cum or orgasm or feel any kinda relief. i can play with my vibrator for an hour but its either a minor sensation or its way too overstimulating. and then i get bored.
i feel like theres something wrong with my body. i can use my vibrator for a long time and i just end up tired with a sore clit for a couple days. i still feel pent-up after. penetration and fingering isnt pleasurable for me at all. it doesnt hurt or anything i just dont care for it. it isnt for a lack of gear and kink stuff it just. doesnt feel like how its been described. maybe im overthinking lol
idk if any1 is gonna read this it was kinda a rant but thx anyway!!

[Sam W]

Hi wolfdawgdamien,

I want to start by saying you're far from alone in this experience; if you take a spin around the boards, you'll find that there are a LOT of users who find masturbation frustrating or unsatisfying.

You mention you started "properly" masturbating recently. Were you masturbating other ways previously that felt good to you but didn't match the "expected" way people masturbate? Too, when you try masturbating, would you say you're brain is really engaged in a fantasy or with a piece of sexual media? Or do you find it difficult to mentally get into what is happening?

When it comes to squirting, the same thing is true that's true about masturbation and orgasm more generally; there's not really a "normal," there's just what happens for each of our bodies. So, it may just be that you're someone who tends to ejaculate often and tends to ejaculate quite a bit when you do. While that can certainly make for a bit more clean up at times, it's not a sign that there's anything wrong with your body or its responses to masturbation.

[wolfdawgdamien]

hi tysm for responding! since i was younger i'd usually just rub my ankle on my clit, which would feel fine but it wasn't enough to really feel anything else.
over the past couple years i've tried fingering but it's never done it for me.
i've read other people's experiences on here any maybe i'm too stuck on the fact that it doesn't feel like i want it to feel like to really enjoy it?
i have adhd so it's very hard to keep my mind in one place at a time, which can make focusing on a fantasy difficult
i've just heard so many people describe masturbation as this amazing thing that is peak self-care and you feel amazing afterwards, i can't really help but feel very disappointed in my body for not acting like that

[HannahP]

Hi Wolfdawgdamien, thanks for giving more information! I see that you're having some trouble with the sensation either feeling too overstimulating or too understimulating — that's very common and it can take some practice to figure out what kind of stimulation is at that sweet spot in the middle.

But I suspect the bigger piece of the puzzle is what you say about struggling to focus on a fantasy, plus feeling disappointed with your body if it doesn't respond the way you want it to. Arousal and desire are so important for feeling sexual pleasure, even when you're by yourself, and nothing messes with arousal and desire like negative emotions. I think the combination of feeling distracted and feeling bad about not feeling the way you want could be really affecting your physical experience. I really like the section on masturbation in this article, which also talks a lot about arousal and desire: Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide. In addition to its advice on how to get yourself into a comfortable place and good mood to masturbate, you might consider if there's anything you could watch, read, or listen to that you think might be arousing. Finding the right material might help "catch" your attention and help you stay engaged, in the same kind of way that reading a great book or watching a TV show you love is much easier to focus on than just trying to focus on something in your head.