I can’t stop feeling horrible about my fetish

[Malla_Fluff]

I’ve already made a post here before, and I feel guilty for making another one, but only feel comfortable posting this here.

I have a vore fetish. Yep. Plain and simple. And I hate it. Before you wonder, yes. This is pretty much a fetish for me. Nothing else really does it for me. Sometimes I can force myself to orgasm to other stuff, but it’s usually only when I’ve gone cold turkey for a while. And the orgasm is never quite as good.

I feel really horrible about this. It started when I was young. I was always interested in pregnancy, and big, round bellies. And then one day, as a young child, I found the weird side of YouTube. And I found my first vore video. The reaction was immediate. I got turned on as soon as I watched the video, and discovered how to masturbate by grinding my legs together.

And ever since then? My body has been obsessed. I feel gross, wrong, and completely isolated from everyone else.

Vore has always mainly been about the belly for me. Big bellies already started to get to me, but then discovering a video of someone inside a belly making it big? I don’t really care for people getting swallowed. And I REALLY don’t look for anything with digestion, gore, or other bodily functions. I just focus on the belly. The way it’s big. The way someone is inside there, squirming. I like seeing the movement, the kicks, squirms, the teasing. I like to imagine it feels good for both parties. I think this evolved from pregnancy? Because soft vore is like taking pregnancy up a notch? And is the most intense form of a belly kink for me, which I have always had. TO BE CLEAR: I DON’T LIKE CANNIBALISM.

In other words, I’m an observer. I NEVER put myself in my fantasies. I mostly masturbate by looking at art. That’s it. I don’t want to be eaten, I don’t want to eat anyone, and I’m certainly glad this stuff isn’t possible in real life.

So why? Why do I have to like vore at all? Even if it’s safe vore? Why is it the main thing that turns me on? This is so cringey and uncomfortable for me to just write about. This is very personal for me.

I’ve fallen into deep spiralings of people saying people who are into vore are disgusting, degenerate, horrible, psychopaths. It makes me hate myself more.

How can I ever find a partner? I don’t want this to define me. But who could ever love someone like me?

I swear on my life, that besides this fetish, I’m a normal teenage girl. So it just bothers me so much. Why does this stupid fetish have to be apart of me at all? Why can’t I get turned on by more normal things?

Please tell me. Am I a disgusting human? Am I unworthy of love? Can I really not be considered normal? What’s wrong with me? Will I ever find someone who will love me? How do I stop hating myself? I really need someone to talk to. I promise that I’m a normal person minus this one thing

[Latha]

Hi there, Malla_Fluff

I'm sorry you're experiencing so much distress, but I'm glad you feel safe talking about a subject that is so personal here. You are not disgusting, you are worthy of love, there is nothing wrong with you, and this will not keep you from finding a loving relationship. I promise. I would say this even if you were a 'participant' in these fantasies, because there is nothing wrong with them. At most, this kind of fantasy is just less commonly represented, and less understood by many people than some other fantasies. And because there are so many human beings in this world, there are probably many thousands of people who share this interest. More people than you could ever meet in a whole lifetime.
I would even say these fantasies are normal, though trying to make yourself match some standard of normal isn't the best idea. These standards are often arbitrary, and have more to do with current social trends than what is healthy or expected behaviour for human beings.

Sexuality is complicated and unique to every person, so it would be hard to explain why you developed an interest in soft vore. But it is also possible for your experience of your sexuality to change throughout your life. If you want to find other sexual fantasies, try to explore them from a place of open curiosity, rather than a place of shame and guilt about this interest. That will make it easier to find what feels good.

You don't have to tell anyone about this if you don't want to. However, if we understand that this interest isn't bad, it is definitely possible for you to find a partner who understands that too. This will not prevent someone from loving you. There are people who hold uninformed and cruel opinions about things they don't understand, but you don't need to listen to them.

Do you think you could go back and read Sam and Caitlin's responses from your last post? I think looking back on their advice may help you.

[Malla_Fluff]

Sorry it’s taken me so long to respond. I’ve gotten really anxious about responding. I hope you’ll still respond.

Um. I’ve been wanting to get an opinion on another thing.

So, like I’ve said before. I like soft vore. And when I say that, I mean vore where no one gets hurt, and there’s no digestion or death stuff.

But I still definitely get aroused by some messed up soft vore. As in, it’s probably very gross and uncomfortable to people. Like, some pretty intense sexual soft vore?

Do you still think, even then, that I’m not disgusting?

Once again, I don’t hurt anyone, don’t do anything illegal, and the fictional vore stuff I view doesn’t do either of these things either.

But even still… I feel so messed up for getting aroused by this stuff.

I can’t seem to imagine anyone being able to love me with this fetish. Even if it doesn’t sum me up as a whole person

[Jacob]

Hey Malla!

I think it's worth just remembering that if you can be into a thing, then a person can be into you being into it...

And that goes for any version of a fantasy, and wherever you position yourself.

Whether you're an observer, a participant or whatever, all parts of the fantasy are you performing a thing to yourself... There is really no greater version of consent than the agreement between 'you' and 'you'.

The 'you' who creates or adapts imaginary situations and the 'you' who enjoys it. It's allll good.

I also wonder if we can make some peace between these two contrasting elements of your question, where on the one hand you enjoy a thing and on the other hand you call it disgusting.

Some people like to eroticise disgust and exaggerating "wrongness" can be part of their enjoyment, and so it can be emphasised in sexual media... But that doesn't mean a thing is actually wrong to like, or fantasise and, it doesn't sound like that's your relationship to disgust at all so let's retrace our steps and think about how most of the major elements of what you're thinking of as a fetish are actually things that are SUPER common desires and are certainly not actually disgusting at all to the vast majority of folks who enjoy them.

Here are some elements I can think of:

• the idea of physical closeness and intimacy of beings with eachother (what could be more fundamental?)
• the idea of being "inside" eachother
• circlusion (the inverse of 'penetration') or the idea of consuming or being consumed
• body parts swelling, bulging, engorging
• bellies - big ones, small ones, full ones, tight ones, cute ones, strong ones

You may have a very specific way you tend to enjoy those elements but it's still the same elements!

One last thing I will say is that the type of sex or fantasy we enjoy on our own very often has little to do with what we'll enjoy with a partner. With a partner, everything they bring to the table can completely reconfigure what it is we're going to enjoy with them.

Does any of that help with some of the stress you've had around this?

[Malla_Fluff]

This definitely helps quite a bit!

I think besides the whole fear of not being able to find a partner thing, the main thing that really upsets me, is that this vore stuff is really one of/really the only thing that turns me on, and can get me off. Despite the fact I have been interested in “normal” stuff, it doesn’t really do much for me. Like… I find regular sex stuff hot in concept, but it doesn’t particularly turn me on and get me all hot and bothered. Only vore really does that…

That just really upsets me. It makes me feel alienated and completely unnatural.

I constantly feel very different from everyone else, and like I’m hiding some deep dark secret.

I just want to feel normal and know that this is okay. Because besides this, I promise I’m a normal girl.

These wonderful responses are starting to make me slowly make me feel a bit better, so I’m very grateful for all of you!!

[Andy]

Hi Malla,

I’m so glad to hear talking here is helping you feel better about this.
But I’m also sorry you feel so isolated. Maybe it will help you to realize that you are not so alone in this if you consider that same as you haven't talked about this with a lot of people, many others probably haven't either. After all, sex and sexual fantasies aren’t the most frequent topics in most spaces and especially when it comes to kinks and fetishes, a lot of people prefer to keep these to themselves. And I can remember multiple of funny moments with friends when someone shares something saying "This is super weird and you won’t understand it" and then is surprised when several other people join in saying they experience the exact same or similar thing!

I also want to touch on what you said about the vore being the only thing that turns you on. I would say most people need to personalize their fantasies for them to be enjoyable. Meaning they include and combine things they like into them, and from the most basic scenarios to the most complex fantasies, there are endless options what things to add. And vore may just be one of the things for you. And it’s not in any way better or worse than if the thing was vaginal intercourse or kissing.
Then there is also the questions what "regular" or "normal" sex even is. Because the idea of it that we are presented by the media is often not one realistically reflecting real people's experiences and preferences. So I think it’s safe to say you aren’t the only one not being super into it. Sex, sexualities and everyone's experiences of them are just SO varied that considering one specific version of it the "normal" or "default" way is neither realistic nor kind to yourself. Does that make sense?

[Malla_Fluff]

That makes sense.

I think the thing that always comes back to haunt me, is that this isn’t a very socially acceptable fetish.

People like to assume that it’s all about cannibalism, and that the people who like it are horrible people, and are real life cannibals.

I promise this is not why I feel I get turned on by this fetish. I don’t need vore content to include digestion. And I would never hurt anyone. I’m not really into those hardcore things. As I’ve said before, it’s mainly about soft vore, and belly stuff. Not that I’m judging others who are specifically into that aspect alone.

Anyways, I know people will always be hated on for things, and judged. I know that’s part of life. But it still bothers me.

I just feel like if anyone found out about the stuff I’m into, they’d hate me and want nothing to do with me.

I obviously have no intention of going around telling people this, as it’s obviously private. But it’s still an irrational fear I have…

I know for a fact that I’m no cannibal in real life, I wouldn’t hurt anyone, and just into some weird belly things.

But it’s hard to not focus on hate.

So I guess I’m asking for any advice on how to stop focusing on the “normal” sex and fetish standards. And any advice on how to stop focusing so much on the hate and assumptions?

I’ve always believed that as long as you don’t harm any people in real life and aren’t doing anything illegal, you’re not a bad person.

But I guess I’m struggling to believe that when it’s me.

[CaitlinEve]

Hey Malla_Fluff,

I wish I had a fix-it answer for you that would help immediately. As is, I think the process of becoming more accepting of your own sexuality and fetishes is exactly that; a process! Ultimately, kinks and fetishes can be very private to you (depending, of course, on your wishes). What people think and assume about you based on your fetishes is neither their business nor yours; if it makes you happy and doesn't harm anybody, that's all that matters. Vore absolutely is not about cannibalism and I can assure you that nobody here at Scarleteen thinks you want to harm people for having this fetish; I hope that is reassuring! I wouldn't say vore is necessarily a mainstream kink but it's definitely a kink that has had a lot of attention on it, for better or for worse.

It can be really hard to be kind to yourself, but you've started the process and that's something to celebrate!

[Jacob]

Just to add here that the negative opinions you're talking about regarding vore, are actually not super mainstream, mainly because the most mainstream reaction to "What do you think of vore?" will invariably be "What's that?" (i.e. the reaction I've gotten when I've mentioned it to anybody I've met in real life). The vast majority of people will have no idea what we're talking about here, which I'd say is actually more of a neutral than a negative. What you're picking up on is probably the kind of mudslinging that unfortunately sometimes happens between online scenes. When ever I hear someone say "People think X about Y." I ask myself, or them, "Which people??" the answer to which is usually some other vocal minority.

Also I assure you that most of the same people you imagine would judge you for a thing you're into, are themselves into all kinds of strange and unusual things, many of which you will never have heard of.

I think a really important thing to work on here is establishing that your mind is your space. Learning to feel safe in your own skin can be about self-acceptance as much as if not more than trying to imagine what other people's experiences, opinions and judgements might be. Reminding yourself that "This is my mind, I'm allowed to think what I want here, and nobody has a right to know what goes on here." is so important. There's nothing dishonest about privacy and allowing yourself the care and freedom of dwelling in that safe space.