I can’t know what my sexual identity is.

[Angelz]

Hi there, Scarleteen!

I’m a 13 male and I really can’t find what my sexual orientation and identity is. Some days I like guys, other days I like girls. I also kinda want to dress like a girl but I don’t really know what to do.

I try to forget this but it keeps messing with my head… I think I might be bisexual but really, what can I do to truly know it?

Also I wanted to ask one last question. Is expressing this through my art a good idea? I draw a lot and wanted to maybe put this in my art… (also what is erotica?)

[HannahP]

Hi Angelz!

I understand you're feeling confused and a bit mixed up, is that right? I want you to know that feeling unsure or conflicted about your sexual orientation and identity is very common — we get questions on this topic here all the time. So the good news is that a LOT of people have been where you are and we have a lot of resources available to help.

I'll start out by linking this piece: Q is for Questioning. As Heather says in that article, people use the word "questioning" to describe exactly the position you're in right now, of trying to figure out your orientation or identity. That article has some advice on what sorts of questions to ask yourself to explore the options and see what fits you best.

Another resource I think might be helpful is this: The Answers (for Now). This is a collection of interviews from different people who were questioning their orientation and figured some things out. I think it could help you to read about the paths these different people took.

Finally, I love the idea of exploring your identity through art! We have an article that I love that's about "gender journaling," exploring their identity through writing: Gender Journaling. But you can do the same thing with any kind of art. Creative expression is an incredibly powerful way to become more in tune with yourself.

Oh, and erotica is any kind of media (visual, writing, etc) that's meant to be arousing. Some art about sex, sexual attraction, identity, orientation, etc. would be considered erotica, but not all of it.

[Angelz]

Thank you! That really helped me!

[KierC]

Hi Angelz,

So glad what Hannah said was helpful!