Orgasming wrong?

[throwaway29kbl]

Hello.

I'll keep this brief, having been told this forum was good for such questions.

Whenever I masturbate (I have a vagina and all related parts, and am in my early 20s) I reliably orgasm in a normal timeframe and then usually wash my hands, sleep, move on with my day/night. It was only on discussing it with my partner and then some same-sex friends that I found my experience to not be regular, and since then I've been upset and frustrated.

When I orgasm, I don't feel the associated joy. I feel a mounting of pleasure beforehand, and then the normal muscle spasms and aftershocks. I don't feel any of the pleasure, relaxation or "out of body" moments which other people associate with orgasming, and which I'd always assumed were literary embellishments on the mounting of pleasure beforehand. I just orgasm, very mechanically and without changing mood or heartrate or anything, which doesn't feel like anything but vaginal/leg muscle contractions, and then I abruptly can't masturbate anymore for overstimulation. There's always some evidential ejaculate or whatever the vaginal equivalent is. I thought this was what it was like for everyone with the same genitalia, how masturbation always ends, and it seems I was wrong. I was vaguely aware that some women could have sequential orgasms, and I was not one of them, but I was so far off in every other respect.

This is unfortunate for me, as I don't have much vaginal sensitivity and can't orgasm during intercourse (not for a lack of trying from my male partner or myself), which means it's usually emotionally enjoyable rather than physically enjoyable. I was very happy when I figured out orgasm through clitoral masturbation, but what I've been calling an orgasm doesn't seem to be what everyone else experiences. My partner already feels guilty that I'm not orgasming during sex when he is, and I'm worried that he pities me for this new development.

More, I'm worried that I'm dysfunctional in some way and won't be able to be a good partner. Not because my partner would ever pressure or force me, but because if I'm just doomed to never physically enjoy sex apart from preliminary clitoral stimulation ending in pain... what's the point? I have a sex drive and am sexually attracted to my partner, but I don't know how interested I am in actually having sex and masturbating with these outcomes, and that would make it hard to maintain a relationship with most people. I don't want to resent my partner for something that isn't his fault, either.

Does anyone have any thoughts or advice on this? Recently the issue has made me feel sad and pessimistic, and honestly slightly disconnected from sexuality/womanhood as a gender role. Any third opinions would be appreciated.

[amber]

Hi and welcome!

I am sorry you are feeling sad and pessimistic surrounding sex/orgasm after conversations with those in your life - that does not sound fun!

I do want to let you know that from a biological perspective, orgasms are not one-size-fits-all and actually vary greatly person by person (and often time by time). Here is an article of ours which I think would be very helpful! Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide - It goes into great detail on what I mean when I say orgasms are different for all people.

Besides that, I am wondering if you felt unsatisfied or unhappy with orgasms before those comments from your friends? It can be hard to feel as if you are missing out, but then again people may describe feelings in their body different than how we would describe those exact same feelings. Does that make sense?