how to eat out my boyfriend

[hardcorefrerard]

okay! so, im in a commited relationship with my awesome amazing beautiful boyfriend and hes sadly moving away, out of state.
we've planned a sleepover to spend a little more extra time together before hes gone, and we want to..uh...have sex yeah
uhum a little more info is we're both transmales, both virgins but we both like. jerk off on the regular
basically we have tried it before, i was meant to eat him out, but i got really fucking nervous because i thought i was gonna do it wrong. we watched a bunch of videos on how to do it together, went over all our boundaries, all that

i just cant wrap my head around the uhm. the DOING IT...it shouldnt be this hard i know but i get scared im gonna fuck it up so i just want tips on how to eat somebody out

[Anya]

Hey hardcorefrerard,

It's exciting that you want to try new things with your boyfriend! I'm happy to hear you've already spoken a bit about boundaries and that kinda stuff as it can often make sex a lot less stressful than if you feel like you're just guessing though it all. As i'm sure you know, there is no one-size-fits-all timeline, and it's totally okay to to take things at your own speed!

I think our articles Mouthing Off On Oral Sex, and What's Sex would be great for you to give a read, and something you can either do alone or with your partner at any point is run through our Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist .

Once you've given these a look let me know how you're feeling!

[Heather]

Hey there!

I want to add something for you to think about that I think might help you change how you are thinking about this.

The idea that we can do oral sex "wrong" is flawed because it assumes there is a way -- and more impossible still, one way! -- to do it. But there isn't. Not for everyone, by any means, as we are all so very different, including with different partners, that would be impossible, but not even for any one person.

Instead, there's just us feeling out -- and using the help of clear communication -- what feels good for us, as the person whose mouth (and probably also fingers, eyes, etc.) is involved, and our partners, the people whose genitals and maybe other body parts are involved. We're deciding what to do based on what feels good to us, and then using information and feedback from our partners to be sure we are also doing what feels good for them. Sometimes there will be crossover in those things. Sometimes there won't be, and then we need to find it.

But the exploring part is where the real stuff is: what's supposed to be fun and exciting, and where we really connect with each other. It should feel like exploring a new neighborhood, or a new restaurant, or a new genre of fiction, or a new language, or a new way to style your hair. With those things, ideally there isn't any pressure to make "right" choices, because our focus is instead just on following our interests and our bliss, you know? This is how any kind of sex should go, too. We're not looking for the "right" way, we're just exploring, together, what feels good for us both, and then going with the things that do feel good for us both or that seem to be leading us in that direction. We're aiming for an open-ended experience where, who knows what we will discover, rather than any one way or ways of doing things that ticks a box for someone or results in orgasm.

You might also want to think about why you feel so nervous, and maybe talk about that together. I'm sure the stakes feel real high now that he's moving, and that's part of it, but what else? Sometimes we need each other to help take the pressure off in situations like these. Having his reassurance he just wants you to be there, present, exploring this with him might go a long way. <3

[Heather]

I also want to add that the videos might have been less helpful than they seemed: that might be part of why you are assuming this is a skill for you to have to learn RATHER than an experience for you to just explore.

[hardcorefrerard]

Hey hardcorefrerard,

It's exciting that you want to try new things with your boyfriend! I'm happy to hear you've already spoken a bit about boundaries and that kinda stuff as it can often make sex a lot less stressful than if you feel like you're just guessing though it all. As i'm sure you know, there is no one-size-fits-all timeline, and it's totally okay to to take things at your own speed!

I think our articles Mouthing Off On Oral Sex, and What's Sex would be great for you to give a read, and something you can either do alone or with your partner at any point is run through our Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist .

Once you've given these a look let me know how you're feeling!

AH thank you thabk youuuu i read those and i actually think ive done the list one with him before lol
i appreciate it and uh i think. idk im still kinda scared. but i dont think he'll judge me cause itsnot like hes ever gotten head before me so

[hardcorefrerard]

Hey there!

I want to add something for you to think about that I think might help you change how you are thinking about this.

The idea that we can do oral sex "wrong" is flawed because it assumes there is a way -- and more impossible still, one way! -- to do it. But there isn't. Not for everyone, by any means, as we are all so very different, including with different partners, that would be impossible, but not even for any one person.

Instead, there's just us feeling out -- and using the help of clear communication -- what feels good for us, as the person whose mouth (and probably also fingers, eyes, etc.) is involved, and our partners, the people whose genitals and maybe other body parts are involved. We're deciding what to do based on what feels good to us, and then using information and feedback from our partners to be sure we are also doing what feels good for them. Sometimes there will be crossover in those things. Sometimes there won't be, and then we need to find it.

But the exploring part is where the real stuff is: what's supposed to be fun and exciting, and where we really connect with each other. It should feel like exploring a new neighborhood, or a new restaurant, or a new genre of fiction, or a new language, or a new way to style your hair. With those things, ideally there isn't any pressure to make "right" choices, because our focus is instead just on following our interests and our bliss, you know? This is how any kind of sex should go, too. We're not looking for the "right" way, we're just exploring, together, what feels good for us both, and then going with the things that do feel good for us both or that seem to be leading us in that direction. We're aiming for an open-ended experience where, who knows what we will discover, rather than any one way or ways of doing things that ticks a box for someone or results in orgasm.

You might also want to think about why you feel so nervous, and maybe talk about that together. I'm sure the stakes feel real high now that he's moving, and that's part of it, but what else? Sometimes we need each other to help take the pressure off in situations like these. Having his reassurance he just wants you to be there, present, exploring this with him might go a long way. <3

i think im just nervous becasue i dont want it to not be pleasurable for him, or ill hurt him accidentally somehow and also i wanna make it up to him because i love him and i wont see him for awhile so maybe that makes the stress a little. worse

[Heather]

This is helpful information, thank you. How about I help you break these things up one by one and talk/think them through?