How to find Polyamorous/Open partners?

[Bluepenguin444]

Hello Scarleteen, (This topic may be best for those who have had some type of non-monogamous experience. Open relationships, Polyamory, etc.)

So as the question states, I'm not exactly sure how to find "Non-monogamous" partners. To me this includes people that are open to arrangement that may include a form where a person COULD potentially still have a partner. Open relationships, Polyamory, threesome, etc. The issue, is that I do not generally like to use apps. They don't often work for me, so I usually try to meet people in public or at parties, etc. But the few times I have gone out and asked a girl out (straight guy into girls), I usually have gotten "I have a boyfriend"...... But I rarely if ever hear "I have a boyfriend but I'm non-monogamous". So I'm a bit confused here. Will a woman tell me if she's non-monogamous? Or will I have have to ask her directly? The reason I ask this question, is sometimes when I meet a new person (a stranger), it's sometimes hard to try and throw in "are you into open relationships" into a conversation if she says she has a partner. Anyway, I'm just confused as to what I'm looking for here. Sometimes I like to "go with the flow" but sometimes going with the flow, just leads me to the exit door lol, and I never get to clarify if she's into open relationships or not. Anyways if anyone has any advice on how to approach this, I'd appreciate it a lot. Thank you

[mikky]

Hey there!

To start, just want to remind you that last time we moved your posts to the staff only area, Heather reminded you of our user agreements and said "Please understand that moving forward, if you use the boards, your posts will not be moved, okay?"

I think in many cases, a woman saying "I have a boyfriend" is a socially polite way of expressing that they aren't interested. With this in mind, speaking very broadly, asking "are you monogamous?" as a follow up might not go over very well with most people. That certainly isn't universal, but something you might note. If someone is interested in an open relationship and has a partner and is interested in you, we would assume they'd give you some of that context instead!

If you're getting really mixed signals- like someone is expressing interest and has established they have a boyfriend, you could ask directly for clarity.

Does that all make sense?

[Bluepenguin444]

Hello,

I do not remember Heather saying that. The last post I remember was her posting something in related to my question. But I checked the FAQ's and I didn't see anything regarding removing posts and that they cannot be removed. But I will add, I did get the impression that it is frowned upon wanting the form hidden or removed. Even if the original post cannot be deleted entirely for certain pusposes, as the original poster of the question, I feel we should be allowed to at the very least hide them. Some questions may be sensitive or simply some people prefer more privacy. But if it is indeed wrong for me to ask to have the post hidden, I shall refrain from asking questions on here again. I apologize

To be honest, I think I have to some how find a person who has experienced this type of relationship, as I sort of feel stuck on this part, I'm just not sure where to go to find advice for this. Thank you.

[mikky]

Our deletion policy is something we put in our User Guidelines, that you agree to when registering a Boards account. You might have missed Heather's response (they use they/them pronouns, just to note), so I'll put it here for you as well:

Hey, Bluepenguin: as we have explained to you in the past, and as our user guidelines you agreed to when registering made clear, it's not actually okay to ask us to hide all of your threads after we have a discussion. Those guidelines explicitly say that users should only post here if they accept that what they post here is permanent.

I will do this this time, but this is the last time. Please understand that moving forward, if you use the boards, your posts will not be moved, okay?

Chat might be a better forum, since it always stays between users and staff.

Have you read any books on polyamory? Any podcasts? The team might have recommendations!

[Bluepenguin444]

By chat do you mean like the texting chat? I have read books on polyamory, many of them do not go much into "finding partners", most recommendations are to use apps. So ideally I would like to find a "polyamorous person" to speak to about how to find Polyamorous people and what they have noticed. But that's the loop, finding the support to the get the support. Ideally I'd love to talk to someone in real life, but navigating that is tough. It's like having to learn the hard way. By the time I find a person is in an "open relationship" I already dealt with all the blows in the first place lol. So there's no point, at that point.

I just read the policy. I did not realize that. I thought it meant that it could not be actually deleted, but that hiding was an option. Well then I guess I appreciate the kindness of those that hid it in the past. I thought those were two different things. I will be honest, I do not know why the disallowance of that, but that is your policy. Are there any places on this website that you can post, that allow to remove a post, or no?

[KierC]

Hi! Our text line is for shorter conversations, but our live chat might be well-suited to your needs because it’s private between users and staff. It’s not open all the time, but you can find our hours here: https://www.scarleteen.com/ask

We do not have places on this site where you can remove what you’ve already said, but again, if you don’t want your posts viewed publicly, the best place for those types of conversations is our live chat.

[Bluepenguin444]

OK. Thank you
I will be sure to use those options next time. I apologize.

[KierC]

No need to apologize! We’re looking forward to chatting with you more there soon!