*sigh* okay, so let me start this off with an introduction.
I'm a 17yo trans girl. I'm aromantic, but, much to my displeasure, allosexual.
I hate having sexual desire. I hate having a libido. That's it. I wish I could get rid of it. But unfortunately, I can't, as far as I know. And I've tried talking about it elsewhere, but I only seem to get judgement. People imply that I don't want/like it because deep down I actually want it. And you know what? Yeah, I do. I don't want to though.
But there's no way to change it, and it's so fucking infuriating.
I feel out of control. I feel like I'm addicted to porn, but I don't know. I'd hope that HRT will kill my drive, but I'm also worried that, when I eventually go on progesterone, I'm going to get my drive back. I can't exactly just not go on prog, because it could cause other problems. Before I realized I was trans, I wanted nothing but to just tear it out of me physically, just get rid of it. I still feel that way. But now I'm greatly aware, more than ever, that it won't fix anything. The drive won't go away.
It makes me so angry, that I can't choose what I want. That I'm stuck having this feeling. I wish I could just repress it, make it not exist anymore. I wish I could rip it from my soul and burn it and beat it and make it go away. But I can't.
The worst part is, everyone kind of assumes I'm asexual. I'm not though. I'm... sexually attracted to people. I hate it. It feels like a degradation of their existence, and it makes me upset. I'm technically a lesbian, but I will never go for anyone because it would make me feel like a fucking predator. And even if I discovered I was bisexual, I would never admit it, because it's so dangerous to even suggest that you are attracted to men in the world we live in. I'm not religious, but I pray for my straight sisters, cis or trans. Y'all are troopers.
In any case, maybe I'm being too... aggressive with this post. But I'm so angry, upset, I feel like clawing myself out of my skin, it's so aggravating. It feels like I can't win. I have nowhere else it feels like, to talk without feeling... judged. I don't know who else to go for help.
Please, if you have any advice, even if it is simple validation, I would really appreciate it. Even if I'm completely ignored, screaming at the void is cathartic. Thank you.
I hate my libido, I hate sex, I hate everything
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FuriouslyAro13
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char
- scarleteen staff/volunteer
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Re: I hate my libido, I hate sex, I hate everything
Hi FuriouslyAro13, welcome to the boards! We're glad you're here ^_^
I'm sorry to hear that you've having a rough time dealing with your sexual desires. It must be so upsetting to not be believed and be invalidated. As you've probably figured out, unfortunately a lot of people conflate romantic attraction with sexual desire, and assume that everyone experiences them even if they think they don't. For people of certain genders and sexual orientations, they are also stereotyped as being "more promiscuous" than others, even though it's not true. You're not "weird," and your concerns are valid.
For now, I'd like to offer you another way of thinking about our sexual desire. It isn't something that's objectively measurable; there's also no "acceptable" amount of desire that any one person can and should have, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. It's helpful to acknowledge them when they come without shaming ourselves for feeling them.
I also wonder if discussing your thoughts and feelings about sexuality--sex, sexual desire, and more--is something you'd like to do for you to reflect. Would you be open to that?
I'm sorry to hear that you've having a rough time dealing with your sexual desires. It must be so upsetting to not be believed and be invalidated. As you've probably figured out, unfortunately a lot of people conflate romantic attraction with sexual desire, and assume that everyone experiences them even if they think they don't. For people of certain genders and sexual orientations, they are also stereotyped as being "more promiscuous" than others, even though it's not true. You're not "weird," and your concerns are valid.
For now, I'd like to offer you another way of thinking about our sexual desire. It isn't something that's objectively measurable; there's also no "acceptable" amount of desire that any one person can and should have, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. It's helpful to acknowledge them when they come without shaming ourselves for feeling them.
I also wonder if discussing your thoughts and feelings about sexuality--sex, sexual desire, and more--is something you'd like to do for you to reflect. Would you be open to that?
the shining stars when the night falls / and the sun that leaves behind the sunset glow / they all have their unique colors! (=^･ｪ･^=)
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Heather
- scarleteen founder & director
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- Location: Chicago
Re: I hate my libido, I hate sex, I hate everything
Hey there. I want to fill you in on something, just so you know, and also offer you something that may help you out.
As far as estrogen-based hormone therapy is concerned, I just want to manage your expectations a bit. The idea that testosterone is "the" hormone that creates the desire for sex and that estrogen dampens it is a common misconception. (So is the idea that humans have a sex "drive," for that matter. There is no such drive, and perhaps knowing that can provide you at least a little comfort.) In reality, the desire for sex mostly is only so neurochemical in the first place, but to the degree that it is, both of those hormones, with others, play a part in sexual desire. If anything, it's progesterone that can be a bit of a dampender in that regard, but either way, I would just figure that hormone therapy, unless it's T, isn't going to do a whole lot when it comes to impacting your feelings of sexual desire.
Feelings of sexual desire aren't any kind of addiction, but I do want to tell you about something I had to learn after I quit a 35-year smoking habit that might come in handy for you with this. One of the things you have to learn to do when you quit smoking is to let the desire to smoke just come and go without doing anything about it AND without getting yourself in the emotional/thought weeds about it. After all, if you stay thinking about how you want it, beat yourself up about it, just get in your head about it, it becomes incredibly difficult to let those thoughts go (and then, makes it harder to stay quit). How you do that looks a lot of different ways for different people, but for me, it involves borrowing from my Buddhism and engaging in non-attachment: letting myself have those thoughts and wants, acknowledging they exist, but treating them like a breeze that moves through rather than sticking around. Doing that is basically a combination of treating those thoughts as neutral and acceptable, and then letting your brain, your body, or both move on to something else, sometimes with the help of actively doing something else, be that taking a walk, paying attention to something else, like music or a book or a movie, doing something like box breathing, calling a friend, what have you.
I do agree with Char that it sounds like perhaps talking some about how you think about sex might come in handy. The idea it's predatory by nature, for example, or degrading, is really only that, an idea, and it isn't reflective of most people's experiences of wanted, consensual sex. Ideas like this might not be helping you out, but instead only keeping you feeling shitty when you don't have to be. The great news about ideas is that we *can* change those. <3
As far as estrogen-based hormone therapy is concerned, I just want to manage your expectations a bit. The idea that testosterone is "the" hormone that creates the desire for sex and that estrogen dampens it is a common misconception. (So is the idea that humans have a sex "drive," for that matter. There is no such drive, and perhaps knowing that can provide you at least a little comfort.) In reality, the desire for sex mostly is only so neurochemical in the first place, but to the degree that it is, both of those hormones, with others, play a part in sexual desire. If anything, it's progesterone that can be a bit of a dampender in that regard, but either way, I would just figure that hormone therapy, unless it's T, isn't going to do a whole lot when it comes to impacting your feelings of sexual desire.
Feelings of sexual desire aren't any kind of addiction, but I do want to tell you about something I had to learn after I quit a 35-year smoking habit that might come in handy for you with this. One of the things you have to learn to do when you quit smoking is to let the desire to smoke just come and go without doing anything about it AND without getting yourself in the emotional/thought weeds about it. After all, if you stay thinking about how you want it, beat yourself up about it, just get in your head about it, it becomes incredibly difficult to let those thoughts go (and then, makes it harder to stay quit). How you do that looks a lot of different ways for different people, but for me, it involves borrowing from my Buddhism and engaging in non-attachment: letting myself have those thoughts and wants, acknowledging they exist, but treating them like a breeze that moves through rather than sticking around. Doing that is basically a combination of treating those thoughts as neutral and acceptable, and then letting your brain, your body, or both move on to something else, sometimes with the help of actively doing something else, be that taking a walk, paying attention to something else, like music or a book or a movie, doing something like box breathing, calling a friend, what have you.
I do agree with Char that it sounds like perhaps talking some about how you think about sex might come in handy. The idea it's predatory by nature, for example, or degrading, is really only that, an idea, and it isn't reflective of most people's experiences of wanted, consensual sex. Ideas like this might not be helping you out, but instead only keeping you feeling shitty when you don't have to be. The great news about ideas is that we *can* change those. <3
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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FuriouslyAro13
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Re: I hate my libido, I hate sex, I hate everything
[quote]Hi FuriouslyAro13, welcome to the boards! We're glad you're here ^_^[/quote]
Thank you.
[quote]
I'm sorry to hear that you've having a rough time dealing with your sexual desires. It must be so upsetting to not be believed and be invalidated. As you've probably figured out, unfortunately a lot of people conflate romantic attraction with sexual desire, and assume that everyone experiences them even if they think they don't. For people of certain genders and sexual orientations, they are also stereotyped as being "more promiscuous" than others, even though it's not true. You're not "weird," and your concerns are valid. [/quote]
[/quote]
Thank you. It's true - if these stereotypes didn't exist, I'd probably not have to worry about being trans as much, lol.
[quote]
For now, I'd like to offer you another way of thinking about our sexual desire. It isn't something that's objectively measurable; there's also no "acceptable" amount of desire that any one person can and should have, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. It's helpful to acknowledge them when they come without shaming ourselves for feeling them.
[/quote]
I get that there's no "acceptable" quantity... I just don't want any quantity. I don't know if that makes sense. I just wish there was a switch I could just... flip off.
[quote]
I also wonder if discussing your thoughts and feelings about sexuality--sex, sexual desire, and more--is something you'd like to do for you to reflect. Would you be open to that?
[/quote]
I would be open to that, although, what do you want me to reflect on, exactly?
Thank you.
[quote]
I'm sorry to hear that you've having a rough time dealing with your sexual desires. It must be so upsetting to not be believed and be invalidated. As you've probably figured out, unfortunately a lot of people conflate romantic attraction with sexual desire, and assume that everyone experiences them even if they think they don't. For people of certain genders and sexual orientations, they are also stereotyped as being "more promiscuous" than others, even though it's not true. You're not "weird," and your concerns are valid. [/quote]
[/quote]
Thank you. It's true - if these stereotypes didn't exist, I'd probably not have to worry about being trans as much, lol.
[quote]
For now, I'd like to offer you another way of thinking about our sexual desire. It isn't something that's objectively measurable; there's also no "acceptable" amount of desire that any one person can and should have, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. It's helpful to acknowledge them when they come without shaming ourselves for feeling them.
[/quote]
I get that there's no "acceptable" quantity... I just don't want any quantity. I don't know if that makes sense. I just wish there was a switch I could just... flip off.
[quote]
I also wonder if discussing your thoughts and feelings about sexuality--sex, sexual desire, and more--is something you'd like to do for you to reflect. Would you be open to that?
[/quote]
I would be open to that, although, what do you want me to reflect on, exactly?
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FuriouslyAro13
- not a newbie
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- Joined: Thu Jan 22, 2026 2:29 am
- Age: 17
- Primary language: English
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- Location: United States
Re: I hate my libido, I hate sex, I hate everything
[quote]As far as estrogen-based hormone therapy is concerned, I just want to manage your expectations a bit. The idea that testosterone is "the" hormone that creates the desire for sex and that estrogen dampens it is a common misconception. (So is the idea that humans have a sex "drive," for that matter. There is no such drive, and perhaps knowing that can provide you at least a little comfort.) In reality, the desire for sex mostly is only so neurochemical in the first place, but to the degree that it is, both of those hormones, with others, play a part in sexual desire. If anything, it's progesterone that can be a bit of a dampender in that regard, but either way, I would just figure that hormone therapy, unless it's T, isn't going to do a whole lot when it comes to impacting your feelings of sexual desire.[/quote]
What do you mean? I thought, and was told by basically everyone in regards to this process, that the switch temporarily kills your drive. This was including by doctors, who were under the trans umbrella themselves, working at a gender clinic.
[quote]Feelings of sexual desire aren't any kind of addiction,[/quote]
Maybe so, although I feel that there may have been a slight misunderstanding - I don't want to have sexual desire, but the addiction I referred to was mostly about porn addiction, and maybe two some extent, masturbation addiction.
[quote]but I do want to tell you about something I had to learn after I quit a 35-year smoking habit that might come in handy for you with this. One of the things you have to learn to do when you quit smoking is to let the desire to smoke just come and go without doing anything about it AND without getting yourself in the emotional/thought weeds about it. After all, if you stay thinking about how you want it, beat yourself up about it, just get in your head about it, it becomes incredibly difficult to let those thoughts go (and then, makes it harder to stay quit). How you do that looks a lot of different ways for different people, but for me, it involves borrowing from my Buddhism and engaging in non-attachment: letting myself have those thoughts and wants, acknowledging they exist, but treating them like a breeze that moves through rather than sticking around. Doing that is basically a combination of treating those thoughts as neutral and acceptable, and then letting your brain, your body, or both move on to something else, sometimes with the help of actively doing something else, be that taking a walk, paying attention to something else, like music or a book or a movie, doing something like [url="https://www.healthline.com/health/copd/box-breathing"]box breathing[/url], calling a friend, what have you. [/quote]
I suppose. It's really hard to do that, though. I either can't keep control of myself, or I feel like I'm alien in my own skin. I'm just frustrated that, to just not engage, I have to... not fight. Which hasn't really worked for me.
[quote]
I do agree with Char that it sounds like perhaps talking some about how you think about sex might come in handy. The idea it's predatory by nature, for example, or degrading, is really only that, an idea, and it isn't reflective of most people's experiences of wanted, consensual sex. Ideas like this might not be helping you out, but instead only keeping you feeling shitty when you don't have to be. The great news about ideas is that we *can* change those. <3
[/quote]
I mean, I don't want to change my views. Frankly, I think it keeps me safe - I can't hurt anyone sexually and nobody can hurt me sexually if I never do anything sexual. It's safer to disengage, especially as a trans girl in the world I currently live in. I don't want to feel like my value to society is as a sex object; I want to be a person, not some feral animal without any capacity for keeping control of themselves. I want to work on my interests, my hobbies, friendship, my passions. And I've only ever found that my sexuality gets in my way. It drags me down and leaves me beaten.
What do you mean? I thought, and was told by basically everyone in regards to this process, that the switch temporarily kills your drive. This was including by doctors, who were under the trans umbrella themselves, working at a gender clinic.
[quote]Feelings of sexual desire aren't any kind of addiction,[/quote]
Maybe so, although I feel that there may have been a slight misunderstanding - I don't want to have sexual desire, but the addiction I referred to was mostly about porn addiction, and maybe two some extent, masturbation addiction.
[quote]but I do want to tell you about something I had to learn after I quit a 35-year smoking habit that might come in handy for you with this. One of the things you have to learn to do when you quit smoking is to let the desire to smoke just come and go without doing anything about it AND without getting yourself in the emotional/thought weeds about it. After all, if you stay thinking about how you want it, beat yourself up about it, just get in your head about it, it becomes incredibly difficult to let those thoughts go (and then, makes it harder to stay quit). How you do that looks a lot of different ways for different people, but for me, it involves borrowing from my Buddhism and engaging in non-attachment: letting myself have those thoughts and wants, acknowledging they exist, but treating them like a breeze that moves through rather than sticking around. Doing that is basically a combination of treating those thoughts as neutral and acceptable, and then letting your brain, your body, or both move on to something else, sometimes with the help of actively doing something else, be that taking a walk, paying attention to something else, like music or a book or a movie, doing something like [url="https://www.healthline.com/health/copd/box-breathing"]box breathing[/url], calling a friend, what have you. [/quote]
I suppose. It's really hard to do that, though. I either can't keep control of myself, or I feel like I'm alien in my own skin. I'm just frustrated that, to just not engage, I have to... not fight. Which hasn't really worked for me.
[quote]
I do agree with Char that it sounds like perhaps talking some about how you think about sex might come in handy. The idea it's predatory by nature, for example, or degrading, is really only that, an idea, and it isn't reflective of most people's experiences of wanted, consensual sex. Ideas like this might not be helping you out, but instead only keeping you feeling shitty when you don't have to be. The great news about ideas is that we *can* change those. <3
[/quote]
I mean, I don't want to change my views. Frankly, I think it keeps me safe - I can't hurt anyone sexually and nobody can hurt me sexually if I never do anything sexual. It's safer to disengage, especially as a trans girl in the world I currently live in. I don't want to feel like my value to society is as a sex object; I want to be a person, not some feral animal without any capacity for keeping control of themselves. I want to work on my interests, my hobbies, friendship, my passions. And I've only ever found that my sexuality gets in my way. It drags me down and leaves me beaten.
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Heather
- scarleteen founder & director
- Posts: 10777
- Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 1:43 pm
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- Location: Chicago
Re: I hate my libido, I hate sex, I hate everything
Again, there isn't such a things as a sex drive, but while yes, when you first start taking estrogen, by virtue of it changing the balance of testosterone and estrogen in your body, it is common for sexual desire to decrease, that doesn't tend to be permanent, and it certainly doesn't eradicate people's desire for sex. Most trans women -- like most people, period -- who use estrogen HT still have the desire to be sexual.
Addiction isn't actually a framework that can accurately be applied to porn or masturbation or anything else to do with sex. Some people will apply that framework, but in sexology and sex therapy, the consensus -- which we share here -- has long been that that's not sound. Instead, if and when this actually is an issue, we talk about these things being compulsive behaviours. If you want to talk more about that, happy to do that with you.
I hear you that it can be really hard to let go of an attachment to these feelings and thoughts. But I also really don't think they are helping you, and I don't think it sounds like it is actually keeping you safe, because what I am hearing is that you feel pretty tormented. People can have sexual desires and acting on them is still a choice: that's how this goes for most of us (and I'd ask that you please not refer to anyone here, including yourself, as a feral animal without control or sex object by virtue of having sexual desires, engaging in sex, or being seen as a sexual being). Again, if that's not how it feels for you, if you feel like sexual compulsivity may be an issue for you, then that's something you can seek out help with from a qualified mental healthcare provider who works with people with compulsive behavior.
Changing your views doesn't have to mean changing what you decide to do when it comes to sex. You can view sex more neutrally and still not engage in it full-stop or in any way you don't want to; you can still focus on your interests, hobbies, friendships and passions. In fact, I'd posit that without getting so worked up when you have these thoughts or feelings, you'll probably be able to focus on those things better.
Addiction isn't actually a framework that can accurately be applied to porn or masturbation or anything else to do with sex. Some people will apply that framework, but in sexology and sex therapy, the consensus -- which we share here -- has long been that that's not sound. Instead, if and when this actually is an issue, we talk about these things being compulsive behaviours. If you want to talk more about that, happy to do that with you.
I hear you that it can be really hard to let go of an attachment to these feelings and thoughts. But I also really don't think they are helping you, and I don't think it sounds like it is actually keeping you safe, because what I am hearing is that you feel pretty tormented. People can have sexual desires and acting on them is still a choice: that's how this goes for most of us (and I'd ask that you please not refer to anyone here, including yourself, as a feral animal without control or sex object by virtue of having sexual desires, engaging in sex, or being seen as a sexual being). Again, if that's not how it feels for you, if you feel like sexual compulsivity may be an issue for you, then that's something you can seek out help with from a qualified mental healthcare provider who works with people with compulsive behavior.
Changing your views doesn't have to mean changing what you decide to do when it comes to sex. You can view sex more neutrally and still not engage in it full-stop or in any way you don't want to; you can still focus on your interests, hobbies, friendships and passions. In fact, I'd posit that without getting so worked up when you have these thoughts or feelings, you'll probably be able to focus on those things better.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
-
FuriouslyAro13
- not a newbie
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Re: I hate my libido, I hate sex, I hate everything
"Again, there isn't such a things as a sex drive, but while yes, when you first start taking estrogen, by virtue of it changing the balance of testosterone and estrogen in your body, it is common for sexual desire to decrease, that doesn't tend to be permanent, and it certainly doesn't eradicate people's desire for sex. Most trans women -- like most people, period -- who use estrogen HT still have the desire to be sexual."
Well, in my case, I have a desire to not be sexual.
"Addiction isn't actually a framework that can accurately be applied to porn or masturbation or anything else to do with sex. Some people will apply that framework, but in sexology and sex therapy, the consensus -- which we share here -- has long been that that's not sound. Instead, if and when this actually is an issue, we talk about these things being compulsive behaviours. If you want to talk more about that, happy to do that with you."
I'm curious if there's any scholarly research on this - I've only ever seen a psychology today article talk about this. Compulsion or otherwise, it doesn't really sound like the actual behavior is much different - I talked to my therapist about it at one point and he said it's really more or less about how I feel about it. Being that I feel addicted, that's really the only thing that matters, no?
"I hear you that it can be really hard to let go of an attachment to these feelings and thoughts. But I also really don't think they are helping you, and I don't think it sounds like it is actually keeping you safe, because what I am hearing is that you feel pretty tormented."
To be fair, the only thing tormenting me is that my body won't cooperate with what I want.
"(and I'd ask that you please not refer to anyone here, including yourself, as a feral animal without control or sex object by virtue of having sexual desires, engaging in sex, or being seen as a sexual being)."
Apologies, didn't mean to break any rules. It's just how I feel about myself...
"Again, if that's not how it feels for you, if you feel like sexual compulsivity may be an issue for you, then that's something you can seek out help with from a qualified mental healthcare provider who works with people with compulsive behavior."
Mhm.
"Changing your views doesn't have to mean changing what you decide to do when it comes to sex. You can view sex more neutrally and still not engage in it full-stop or in any way you don't want to; you can still focus on your interests, hobbies, friendships and passions. In fact, I'd posit that without getting so worked up when you have these thoughts or feelings, you'll probably be able to focus on those things better."
I just wish I didn't have these feelings. I wish it wasn't even a dimension of my mind. It would be so much easier.
Well, in my case, I have a desire to not be sexual.
"Addiction isn't actually a framework that can accurately be applied to porn or masturbation or anything else to do with sex. Some people will apply that framework, but in sexology and sex therapy, the consensus -- which we share here -- has long been that that's not sound. Instead, if and when this actually is an issue, we talk about these things being compulsive behaviours. If you want to talk more about that, happy to do that with you."
I'm curious if there's any scholarly research on this - I've only ever seen a psychology today article talk about this. Compulsion or otherwise, it doesn't really sound like the actual behavior is much different - I talked to my therapist about it at one point and he said it's really more or less about how I feel about it. Being that I feel addicted, that's really the only thing that matters, no?
"I hear you that it can be really hard to let go of an attachment to these feelings and thoughts. But I also really don't think they are helping you, and I don't think it sounds like it is actually keeping you safe, because what I am hearing is that you feel pretty tormented."
To be fair, the only thing tormenting me is that my body won't cooperate with what I want.
"(and I'd ask that you please not refer to anyone here, including yourself, as a feral animal without control or sex object by virtue of having sexual desires, engaging in sex, or being seen as a sexual being)."
Apologies, didn't mean to break any rules. It's just how I feel about myself...
"Again, if that's not how it feels for you, if you feel like sexual compulsivity may be an issue for you, then that's something you can seek out help with from a qualified mental healthcare provider who works with people with compulsive behavior."
Mhm.
"Changing your views doesn't have to mean changing what you decide to do when it comes to sex. You can view sex more neutrally and still not engage in it full-stop or in any way you don't want to; you can still focus on your interests, hobbies, friendships and passions. In fact, I'd posit that without getting so worked up when you have these thoughts or feelings, you'll probably be able to focus on those things better."
I just wish I didn't have these feelings. I wish it wasn't even a dimension of my mind. It would be so much easier.
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Heather
- scarleteen founder & director
- Posts: 10777
- Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 1:43 pm
- Age: 56
- Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for nearly 30 years!
- Primary language: english
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- Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
- Location: Chicago
Re: I hate my libido, I hate sex, I hate everything
I understand wishing you didn't have feelings that make you feel so uncomfortable, for sure, and I'm so sorry that you are and have been feeling the way you are. Feeling tortured by our own bodies and minds truly sucks. Alas, we can't just switch desire off or wish away uncomfortable feelings, as you know. But we can do things to help us become more comfortable with thoughts, feelings or ways our body acts or responds. As easy as a wish or a switch? Obviously that's a big nope. But usually doable, and with good help, relief can often start more quickly than we might suspect.I just wish I didn't have these feelings. I wish it wasn't even a dimension of my mind. It would be so much easier.
Addiction is a framework that was designed and meant for addressing actual chemical dependence on external substances. So, there isn't research on sex addiction like you are asking for, because there can't be: sexual behaviour and sexual desire aren't those things so we can't study them *as* those things, if you get me.
But there are position statements and the like from organizations and resources meant for and/or by sexuality professionals and articles about those positions: here are a few of those for you. Per what your therapist said about this in terms of you "feeling" addicted, and this framework only needing to work for you, I don't really agree with that (including because it may be keeping you from help from a therapist that could actually help you). Again, addiction isn't a feeling: it's a physical chemical dependence. But it also doesn't sound like this framework is actually serving you, you know? Do you feel helped by it? Have you been able to use help meant for addictions effectively with this? It doesn't sound like it to me, instead it sounds like this might just be keeping you locked into ways of thinking that are keeping you feeling...well, the way you are feeling. On the other hand, I suspect that if you are, in fact, experiencing compulsivity when it comes to sex, sexuality, or even just thoughts about it, chances are awfully good that help meant for compulsivity can actually help you.
But for sure, if you disagree, and this is framework you are only applying to yourself that has actually been helpful for you, then you're right, it won't likely do you or anyone else any harm to hold on to it.
Here are those links for you, the first of which is the most recent and is very wide-reaching when it comes to the field:
• https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10 ... 25.2578550
• https://www.aasect.org/position-sex-addiction
• https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog ... -addiction
• https://time.com/5016058/sex-addiction/
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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FuriouslyAro13
- not a newbie
- Posts: 9
- Joined: Thu Jan 22, 2026 2:29 am
- Age: 17
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: She/Her
- Location: United States
Re: I hate my libido, I hate sex, I hate everything
Frankly, I'm extremely disappointed in the accuracy of the information you have provided and the claims you are pushing. You have cited opinions that simply suggest a specific, alternative name for the exact same problem, whilst invalidating my concerns and telling me that I dont know what im talking about. Sex addiction and pron addiction are terms that are used, even by places such as cleveland clinic. My therapist has a degree in psychology and understands the consensus (or lack thereof) and knows that it is more complicated than denying the existence of addiction. Also, PS: Gambling addiction is a real thing, and it is not an "external substance", so Im not sure what you mean, unless this is intended to be a technical linguistics argument.
I cannot rely on this site to be accurate about information when all it can provide is blanketed accusations of insanity, which, is a textbook attack on women who dont seek sexual contact.
I am disappointed in your ability to criticize the status quo and provide accurate information on medical issues in regards to hypersexuality. Had I taken your advice, it could've caused further harm to my mental and emotional health. Just because the majority of the population has slipped into hypersexual behavior does not mean that sex and/or porn addiction is "safe". Porn companies and elites who see huge amounts of capital flow in from said production are quick to spread propaganda, not unlike that of the tobacco industry. Is it any wonder, given that sites like pornhub will play the victim and act righteous when criticized for not doing even the least in double checking a user's age?
I see it highly concerning that we have mere children stumbling into highly graphic, violent, and disturbing pornographic content with a mere two clicks, without any sense of verification, and will continue to view it without so much as questioning it for years on end until they are fully within the grip of a harrowing illness. I was one such child, ans my life has become utterly dysfunctional. However, instead of acknowledging that there can be multiple different situations, you assert (in implication) that I am some idiot who doesnt understand my state of mind.
I will not be returning here. It is clearly unafraid to spread medical misinformation, and in a world where my "compulsory behavior" could get me killed for being trans, Im not about to trust random people on the Internet. I dont know why I ever thought that trusting anyone here,or anywhere on the Internet, was an intelligent decision.
Sincerely,
LF
I cannot rely on this site to be accurate about information when all it can provide is blanketed accusations of insanity, which, is a textbook attack on women who dont seek sexual contact.
I am disappointed in your ability to criticize the status quo and provide accurate information on medical issues in regards to hypersexuality. Had I taken your advice, it could've caused further harm to my mental and emotional health. Just because the majority of the population has slipped into hypersexual behavior does not mean that sex and/or porn addiction is "safe". Porn companies and elites who see huge amounts of capital flow in from said production are quick to spread propaganda, not unlike that of the tobacco industry. Is it any wonder, given that sites like pornhub will play the victim and act righteous when criticized for not doing even the least in double checking a user's age?
I see it highly concerning that we have mere children stumbling into highly graphic, violent, and disturbing pornographic content with a mere two clicks, without any sense of verification, and will continue to view it without so much as questioning it for years on end until they are fully within the grip of a harrowing illness. I was one such child, ans my life has become utterly dysfunctional. However, instead of acknowledging that there can be multiple different situations, you assert (in implication) that I am some idiot who doesnt understand my state of mind.
I will not be returning here. It is clearly unafraid to spread medical misinformation, and in a world where my "compulsory behavior" could get me killed for being trans, Im not about to trust random people on the Internet. I dont know why I ever thought that trusting anyone here,or anywhere on the Internet, was an intelligent decision.
Sincerely,
LF
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Heather
- scarleteen founder & director
- Posts: 10777
- Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 1:43 pm
- Age: 56
- Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for nearly 30 years!
- Primary language: english
- Pronouns: they/them
- Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
- Location: Chicago
Re: I hate my libido, I hate sex, I hate everything
I don't feel that you've described anything I have said, or any of our organizational positions on the other the things you have mentioned here at all accurately, nor in good faith.
However, I'm sorry that you had a negative experience here, and I hope that you find what you need somewhere else, and are also able to feel better about the issues in your post in the future.
However, I'm sorry that you had a negative experience here, and I hope that you find what you need somewhere else, and are also able to feel better about the issues in your post in the future.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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