coming out

[random-rat]

so my friend just figured out that shes bi and shes already come out to both of her parents. I've known my sexuality for years and still the only people that know are my close friends. even worse, after my friend came out to her mom (who is a really big ally) she said "at least you have (my name) to support you too" it would just be bcs I'm her best friend but DOES HER MOM KNOW??? you think it would be a safe idea to come out to my friends mom? I think it would be a good idea to have an adult know and especially one who's a really big ally. and if so, how really should I tell her? I'm planning on doing it when shes driving me and my friend somewhere one day, but I don't really know how to bring it up.

[Sofi]

Hi random-rat! Whether you come out to her or not is up to you, and given that she seems to be a safe person to do that to, it's not a bad idea, but also not a requirement. Before we give more specific advice on how to go about it, I'm wondering if you've brought this up to your friend yet? After all, she knows her mom way better than we ever could, and she already went through this with her, so she's likely to have some advice on it too. <3

[random-rat]

yes, my friend said her mom let her know that if any of her friends are closeted queers in any way she a safe space for them, and my friend said it would be a really good idea since my own family doesn't seem as supportive

[Latha]

Hello Random-rat,

Well, if your friend's mother explicitly told your friend that she is a safe adult for queer friends, it does sound like a good idea to tell her. As for how you should tell her... you'll want to choose a setting and time when you feel comfortable and safe. When do you usually see your friend and her mother? What would you think of visiting their home?

[random-rat]

I often go over to their house since me and my friend play music together, and her mom also drives me and my friend places, so both are good opportunities, I just don't really know how to start the conversation

[Latha]

Hello Random-rat,

I'm imagining how I would have this conversation myself, and I see how it would be hard to start it... Pick a time when the two of you are not busy. She is an adult, so if you ask her if you can share something important, I think it is likely that she will give you her attention. I know it might feel awkward or intimidating, but at that point, it might just be a matter of saying what you want to say in your own words: that you are a lesbian, and that you wanted to share that with a safe adult.

Since your friend has already made the offer, you could first tell her that you would like to come out to her mom. She might have more specific advice about where and how you can do it, since she knows your dynamic.