I have never orgasmed because the feeling goes away in the middle of masturbation

[VangoghjoSatoru]

Hello! I, 18 year old transmasc, have never orgasmed. It’s not super distressing, but more so confusing and somewhat frustrating because I’ve always wanted to get there but just.. can’t?

Like I said in the title, I do masturbate. I’m pre-testosterone at the moment, and I don’t get dysphoria while I masturbate. I enjoy it while it happens. Usually I can get the most stimulation from the clitoris, so I do that, and there’s a buildup of pleasure.. but then it reaches a mini “peak” and goes away? Before that peak I want to keep going, but afterwards most of the time I just stop because suddenly the urge to continue goes away. Sometimes I do want to keep going, and sometimes I do, but it ends the same: I just do it until that peak comes and eventually I do feel like stopping. I don’t get why it happens. Maybe I’m unfocused? My mind does wander during the action, but whether I’m focused or into it the same thing happens.

I’ve never had sex either. Usually I use fanfiction or just porn to help because honestly I don’t have the best imagination - while I have fantasies, I can’t picture it very well by myself. Usually I end up just focusing on the feelings I have instead of any specific fantasy, unless I’m listening to an audio.

I’ve tried using a combo of fingering and clitoral stimulation, but then I can’t use my phone to look at whatever cause I need both hands. I’ve done both separately. I’ve used a vibrator and it feels good too, but only to a certain extent. No matter what I’ve tried it still ends the same: the feeling goes away and doesn’t go past that small peak. It never builds up much more after that, it just goes back to square one before building up to that small peak again, etc, and it’s like a loop. One time I tried making myself continue past the urge to stop, but it still happened, though it did feel a little bit more than usual? That time I used the vibrator. Except I ended up getting overstimulated and then I just stopped again. I think that time I didn’t even have any extra visual or audio or anything. I was at it for maybe an hour and a half and still no orgasm. I haven’t done that again because I didn’t want to force myself to continue when I didn’t want to continue.

I want to have an orgasm. I’m not uncomfortable with that part of myself down there. At least not when I’m masturbating; sometimes I do get minor bottom dysphoria, but it doesn’t bother me at all in the moment. Unless it’s a subconscious dysphoria or something??

My friend suggested maybe I can only finish with anal, or I just need to wait until I get a partner. I have not tried anal because I don’t know how to do that properly, or how to make sure everything is clean, empty, and ready etc. So maybe that’s the issue? I’m not sure. I wouldn’t mind anal though.

In conclusion, want to orgasm, but physically can’t seem to. Or maybe it’s mental.

[Latha]

Hello and welcome to the boards, VangoghjoSatoru!

I do see how it would feel confusing and frustrating that you are not feeling satisfied by sex. We are happy to talk through this with you and see if there is anything you could try to feel better.

To start, I want to suggest that we might need to use a different framework to understand what is happening here. Bear with me, but I think you may be experiencing orgasms--only ones that are not as strong or as satisfying as you expect them to be. This is because orgasms are essentially just a peak and release of tension that has built up in the body during sex. They are often accompanied by muscle contraction in the pelvis and the rest of the body, and usually leave people with a sense of resolution, but beyond that, they can feel very different from time to time and from person to person.

Orgasms tend to feel stronger when the buildup to them feels better. So, if this is the case, we may have a new question. Not, how to orgasm, but rather, how to make sex more pleasurable?

Certainly, as your friend suggested, exploring different kinds of sex to learn about what you enjoy can help. Since you mentioned being interested in anal sex, I'll leave our guide to that here: anal sex lowdown

It is also possible that giving yourself more time will make it easier to feel good. It takes time (among other factors) to learn to orient yourself within your body, and to develop the sort of mind-body connection that may help you experience more pleasure more consistently from sex.

Does this make sense to you?

[VangoghjoSatoru]

Yes, that makes sense! I agree that I should probably just focus on feeling good rather and learning more about my body rather than having that end goal. I might be going on testosterone soon, so I’m hoping that might help boost my confidence and maybe help in making all of that stuff feel better.

I will say, however, I’m a bit confused on the idea that I might be orgasming without realizing it. You say there’s muscle contractions and such when it happens, but for me there isn’t. There’s no extra “release” of much other than the pleasure feeling just tapering off after the small peak. I always thought that an orgasm meant cumming.. unless I’m wrong and they’re actually different?

And thank you for the link, I will check it out! Thank you for replying at all, it’s very appreciated.

[lilikoi]

Hey VangoghjoSatoru,

Jumping in here! Orgasms can have different intensities. This makes identifying them tricky sometimes. That's another reason that we might want to move the goal away from accomplishing a mindblowing orgasm and towards accomplishing an engaging, deeply stimulating, (potentially mindblowing) sexual experience. In terms of language, cumming is a slang word and can be used interchangably with orgasming or ejaculating. An orgasm can sometimes lead to ejaculation but not always. The description you gave could be an orgasm without ejaculation (which you could call cumming). It sounds like a lot of your questions (lingo and what is an orgasm) might be answered in this article:

Does an orgasm by any other name still feel as sweet? Here's a great quote from it that addresses the main question you're asking

An orgasm can feel different for everyone: it also won’t feel the same every single time it happens for even any one person...Many people find that orgasm feels like a peak, and will typically experience euphoric, joyful or satisfied feelings during and after the orgasm. Some people describe it as a rushing sensation throughout their body. Some people describe it as a more gentle sensation of physical pleasure, emotional pleasure, or both. And sometimes, people describe a given orgasm as feeling like little to nothing at all.

As for the dysphoria concerns, I'm so happy to hear that you are comfortable with your body during masturbation at least consciously. I feel like it's always best to nurture the subconsicous layers of ourselves too when exploring such vulnerable territory. For all we know, there is some dysphoria lurking underneath your experience of pleasure! In that case, have a look at this guide called How to Get Comfortable and let us know if it helps at all!