Help
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emmy09
- not a newbie
- Posts: 15
- Joined: Tue Jul 18, 2023 1:05 am
- Age: 16
- Awesomeness Quotient: I'm a really good actor
- Primary language: french & english
- Pronouns: she/he
- Sexual identity: I am bisexual
- Location: Canada
Help
Ive been with my boyfriend for a year. At first, I went out of my way to hang out with him and get to know him and all, but idk why now, since im more comfortable with him, im like physically incapable of being with him when we're not just the 2 of us. At school or with my friends, I just physically can't be in "relationship mode" with him anymore and he feels unwanted. Im uncomfortable with doing PDA and all, and he knows, but he stills feels unloved and ashamed. What do I do?????!!!!
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amber
- scarleteen staff/volunteer
- Posts: 111
- Joined: Thu Jun 12, 2025 7:24 am
- Age: 23
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: she/they
- Sexual identity: bisexual
- Location: maine
Re: Help
Hi emmy09!
This sounds like a tough feeling. I am wondering if you'd want to share a little more about what it feels like when the two of you are alone. In relationships (both romantic, sexual, and platonic) we tend to continue seeking out intimacy and closeness as the relationship grows. This often looks like spending time together doing mundane things or seeking each other out for support.
Because your feelings have changed I think it is important to ask how you are feeling about the relationship overall. Maybe thinking about if it is a relationship you are really wanting to continue?
This sounds like a tough feeling. I am wondering if you'd want to share a little more about what it feels like when the two of you are alone. In relationships (both romantic, sexual, and platonic) we tend to continue seeking out intimacy and closeness as the relationship grows. This often looks like spending time together doing mundane things or seeking each other out for support.
Because your feelings have changed I think it is important to ask how you are feeling about the relationship overall. Maybe thinking about if it is a relationship you are really wanting to continue?
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emmy09
- not a newbie
- Posts: 15
- Joined: Tue Jul 18, 2023 1:05 am
- Age: 16
- Awesomeness Quotient: I'm a really good actor
- Primary language: french & english
- Pronouns: she/he
- Sexual identity: I am bisexual
- Location: Canada
Re: Help
I definitely do want to continue the relationship. I think that I've always been a bit avoidant like I'm describing near the end but I made a bit more effort because I wanted to get to know him. It seems like since we know each other now and I'm comfortable with him, it's coming out more. With him and our families, everything's fine, but it's just when we're in a context where I can't have most of my attention on him, like with my friends or when I'm busy or whatever, I just really don't feel like talking or being near him for some reason. I'm really at a loss...
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Latha
- scarleteen staff/volunteer
- Posts: 1224
- Joined: Sat May 22, 2021 8:13 am
- Age: 23
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: Queer
- Location: India
Re: Help
Hi there, Emmy09
Here is what I'm hearing: when you interact with your boyfriend, you feel like you need to give him most of your attention. When you can't do that, it sounds like the pressure of interacting with him in relationship mode is too much, so you avoid it. Does that sound right?
Given that you want to be in this relationship, I can see how this discomfort would be really confusing. I want to see if asking a few questions can shed some light on what is happening:
Here is what I'm hearing: when you interact with your boyfriend, you feel like you need to give him most of your attention. When you can't do that, it sounds like the pressure of interacting with him in relationship mode is too much, so you avoid it. Does that sound right?
Given that you want to be in this relationship, I can see how this discomfort would be really confusing. I want to see if asking a few questions can shed some light on what is happening:
- Building off of Amber's thought about intimacy, do you feel comfortable being vulnerable around your boyfriend, or do you feel like you need to be able to meet certain standards in order to interact with him? How would it impact your relationship if you interacted with him when you couldn't give him most of your focus?
- Could you tell us a bit about what your relationship with your friends is like? Do you feel comfortable being vulnerable with them, or talking to them about your relationship?
- Do you feel like you have to project a certain image of your relationship in front of other people?