15M Advice required pls help will be grateful and make me feel good or show me right way

[identity2010]

I am 15 M, I was addicted to like extreme adult content from like my 12, but 2 months ago I decided to quit it, so I slowly like reduced intensity, and 2 weeks ago finally, I BLOCKED ALL SITES THROUGH SCREEN TIME AND I HAVE DECIDED NOT TO UNLOCK IT. but I feel very very intense urges when I am idle, my brain imagines kissing a girl so so much and she also kissing me so much and having sex with her aha and she enjoying and liking and saying me not to stop I even feel a weird type of flutter like feeling in my body, it is too intense that I cannot stand or sit straight. I masturbate like 2 times a day right now, but I feel anxious after reading few articles of CSBD and all, I feel like am I addicted to sex?? because my vivid imaginations make over 2-3 hours of the day, and also sometimes it make me difficult to focus, however during work I don't pay attention to it when these thoughts come. please suggest what to do? am I right or wrong? am I bad or good? is my feelings ok for my future and my future relationships? please tell am I obsessed with sex??? help required

[Heather]

Hi there, identity2010, and welcome to the boards.

So, to start, "sex addiction" isn't a framework that most sex educators, sex therapists, or sexologists are on board with, because addiction is a framework that was built to address chemical addictions, and sex isn't like that.

What is legit for some people though, is sexual compulsivity/sexually compulsive behavior (not thoughts, behaviour, and that's what CSBD is). We're not people who can tell you if that's something you suffer from or not, because that's a clinical diagnosis that only a qualified mental healthcare provider could determine for you after working with you privately. Things like CSBD are also not things anyone should be trying to self-diagnose, and it sounds like looking into that on your own is creating anxiety for you. The same goes for something else which may be more of an issue here for you, which is intrusive thought. I'd suggest you stop googling this stuff, as you're not going to be qualified to figure this out on your own and it clearly is only making you anxious and upset instead of being helpful to you.

That said, I can ask you some questions that might help us figure out in the way we can if what's been going on with you is something that is or isn't a problem, and if what's been going on is the kind of thing where it would make sense to talk with a therapist about. I also want to make clear that it's very likely none of this is a problem, this is just you being 15 and in puberty. <3

If that sounds good to you:
• With things like looking at porn: is that something you feel like you have done even when you really, really didn't want to and were trying not to, or was it more something you could control, but you just felt really compelled by?
• The thoughts you're having: do they result in any behaviour, or are they just daydreams and other thoughts?
• Those daydreams about kissing and other kinds of sexual activity, as well as your own masturbation: do those things generally feel good to you, or do they feel like things that really bother you, are unwanted, or feel like a kind of torture?

[identity2010]

No, I can like control if I want to, and I was not addicted like so much (like watching for few mins a day only just to masturbate) and when I was out of station, I didn't even watched them for 2-3 days, and also the thoughts ig doesn't like result in any behaviour but I felt like why they are coming because they distract me. well I don't feel it like much unwanted because somehow they give pleasure but I was just asking is it normal or not??

[identity2010]

pls don't judge me, pls tell is it normal or not?

[char]

Hey identity2010. For new users like yourself, we do have to manually moderate and accept posts to keep our message boards safe and on-topic, so thank you for waiting. As Heather said, experiencing sexual thoughts is completely normal for young people--and yes, these thoughts can sometimes appear out of nowhere even when you're not actively looking for sexual media. It also sounds like you are able to recognize that these thoughts exist, while also not feeling like you must masturbate to them.

When you said these thoughts can be distracting, have they ever stopped you from doing important things, like helping around the house or doing your school assignments?

[identity2010]

it like don't stop me but however distract me sometimes only, during flow work like coding, it come but I don't pay attention to it but when like one work is done, they distract me completely and also cause brain fog I guess. I masturbate one time a day in the morning but I feel like I am doing death grip because I have no other choice but to finish it asap because my parents don't allow me, when I was caught one time they scolded me and gave me myths which aren't scientifically proven as I read on ur website that's why. well I always try to respect all the girls and I don't even try to talk or touch them without their interest. pls tell am I good person? am I normal? is this vivid fantasy normal???

[identity2010]

should I masturbate to release these feelings because they feel very very intense? or should I resist?

[Heather]

Thanks for filling me in some more.

So this doesn't sound like compulsive behaviour to me, any of it, nor like anything you need to worry about. I also don't see any reason for you to be worried about your goodness as a person: people, in general, tend to have sexualities. Having a sexuality or feelings and desires and curiosities that stem from those sexualities doesn't make us bad, it just makes us human.

It sounds, instead, like someone young and curious with a good deal of sexual desire, all perfectly normal things. It's also common for it to take some time -- and I mean years, not days or months -- to figure out how to have those feelings and still pay attention to other things. We learn that over time by just going through having those feelings and living our lives at the same time, and hopefully, while you're in that process, you can be patient with yourself, and other people, especially adults, can remind themselves that you're a young person in adolescence who they need to make some room for when it comes to this stuff.

There's no "should" with masturbation, only what you want to do and what feels right for you. For many people, masturbation absolutely is one way that they express those feelings of desire and feel some relief from them. If that's what you want to do, that's okay.

I also want to debunk the ideas it sounds like you have about how you masturbate. The idea that how intensely you grip your penis during masturbation is or will be a problem isn't something that came from people trying to make money off of people's fears around sexuality and who were not particularly educated about it, and it unfortunately spread and became a sort of mythology. In reality, it's fine to masturbate however you like, and you can rest assured that you'll still be able to experience sex you enjoy with a partner. We all have enough things in the world we have to worry about, and this 1000% is not one of those. <3

[identity2010]

im so so thankful to you I hv no words to thank you, I was feeling anxious from months for this, tnx so much!!! I asked ai about it but I thought it was actually hallucinating things but u gave me proper answer tnx so much!!! actually these feelings very new to me bcz coming from around 4-5 months, tnx so much....... can u pls also guide how to understand and control these feelings so they don't distract me from my goals

[identity2010]

well idk why but the fantasies they feel really very very amazinggggg I like it so so much and ig in future one day will come where I will have a beautiful sexy partner who will care for me and we'll kiss so much and have sex

[Anya]

Hey identity2010,

Absolutely we can help with management of these feelings!

I'm sorry you had a confusing experience with ChatGPT. We are glad you're here instead, talking to us, all real people only giving you scientifically accurate information. It can be easy to look to AI for non-judgmental help, but trust me when I say none of us here ever judge a person for their feelings, desires, or experiences.

Having desires and experiencing a lot of arousal is not only very very common, but an essential part of what makes us human. It's kind of funny to think about, but really every person you've ever met has a body like you do, and has experienced similar feelings at one time or another. We are, for lack of a better term, just wired that way.

In terms of management for these feelings, there a couple things to consider trying:
1. Redirecting your brain when you get an urge. If you happen to be in a situation where it gets annoying or disruptive you can think about how to redirect that tension elsewhere. It would be incorrect to think it's a feeling we can just "get rid of," so redirecting, or coping, means putting energy into something else. You can try:
- Taking a minute to yourself and breathing deeply from what feels like the bottom of your stomach to the top of your lungs. Take as many deep deep breaths as you need and shake it out, stretch your body, or move your hands/nails gently over all your limbs to feel other sensations than only the urge.
- Turn on some music and direct your attention to something else. Not social media or TV per se, because this becomes more of a distraction than management, but something that lets you feel it in your body, and let it go when you're ready.
- A coping mechanism you already have for other situation may be able to be applied here, like writing in a journal, drawing, moving our body, or talking with friends.
Are there any other things you can think of that might help you cope with this?

2. Remembering that this is totally okay. All too often when we experience the parts of normal sexuality that feel distressing it can be really easy to feel shameful, guilty, or judgmental of ourselves. The only way for you to realistically move forward here is by fundamentally believing that there is nothing wrong with this. I know it can be difficult, and of course takes time, but you must continue to remind yourself that this is an okay feeling to have, and urge to want. Accepting this will help you a lot with letting it go in the moment.

I also want to share with you this article of ours on fantasy, as you've mentioned it here. Feeling in control of what you fantasize and what it means to you can be a powerful tool. Check it out here: How to Approach Sexual Fantasy on Your Own Terms

And heres a resource as well that explains why chatbots can be very difficult to get informed education form: Bad Counsel: Ai Assistants And Chatbots Give Bad Advice, By Design