""Dating"" Advice for a 21 year old living at home

[RedThrowaway]

I say ""dating"" because it's not romantic dating, more like the sexual equivalent, as in "trying to find sexual partner(s)".

For context: I am a neurodivergent adult. I live with my family, and I don't yet have my driver's license. I have been exploring kink and sexuality alone for a while now (read: masturbating, getting myself sex toys, writing and reading smut, etc.), but I feel... idk, sexually lonely? I want to explore those things with other people. I don't want to do romance, and I don't want to do one night stands. I also am terrified of getting kidnapped by using dating sites or sites like Fetlife. Because I can't drive, I can only go to meetups/munches/etc. within walking distance (a few miles from my home). I don't know how to tell my family that I want to have sexual relationships without romance, especially ones with kink elements. Help. How do adults normally do this.

[Latha]

Hi there, RedThrowaway!

We'd be happy to help you think of ways to meet people. To start, I'd like to get a sense of what your resources and options are. Then we can figure out what you might share with your family. You may not need to tell them explicitly that you are having sex with the people you meet, let alone more details about your preferences.

Given that 1. you don't want a romantic relationship or one night stands, 2. you are concerned about safety with people you meet online, and 3. you live with family, I'm imagining that you want to develop an ongoing sexual relationship with someone, where you can get to know them before you do anything together and where you would feel safe going to their place to have sex. Is that right? Do you think you would be able to meet people at your place, instead?

I like the ideas you have so far, like looking for meetups/munches that are within walking distance. Have you been able to find such events? Too, making sure that you have a reliable way to get there and leave is a very important part of staying safe. Some more questions: Do you think you would feel okay walking in your community at all hours, or are there times you would need to avoid? Who would you call if you needed someone to pick you up? Is getting a cab a feasible option if you ever need it?

Going to spaces and events that are dedicated to helping people find sexual partners can definitely help, but socializing more in general spaces and getting to know people is also a good way to find people you would be compatible with. Do you think that could be an option for you?