I want to compliment my chubby girlfriend

[leaflet owo]

Okay okay okay, so this could either be something in the relationships or the bodies section, but since it isn't about my own body then I guess I'm putting it here


Hi Scarleteen!

I recently have been growing close to this girly whom I would like to be my gf (or maybe she already is? I dunno its confusing). Shes a big girl and Iove that, most girls aren't taller than me. She's also chubby which is great for cuddling and I love her very dearly.

My trouble is, I want to talk about bodies normally, and I'm not really sure as to what is offensive on regards to body types. She is... I don't even know how to put this in words that don't sound rude. I'm a little twink as she puts it (I like it when she calls me it dw). Actually, yeah, she made a comment about my body and I liked it. How can I do the same for her? When she said that it was in context so it made more sense, it wasn't out of nowhere. I don't know how I would tease her like that, because I know I want to and it could be fun for both of us but I don't know what is considered rude. I also like her chubby-ness and I want to tell her that, but kinda the same dilema.

I'm not used to dealing with body types and language, I've always viewed skinny as ideal and so that's how I rose myself, but I know there are a lot more types out there than just skinny, and it isn't rude to say so, I'm just not used to talking about it at all.


Thank you for your help!
- Leaflet

[Sofi]

Hi leaflet,

You know, the only person who can really answer the question "how can I do the same for her?" is...well, her. Everyone is different in this arena and we can't give you specific advice, but what I can do is help guide you in a conversation with her about it. There are people of all body types who don't like their looks being commented on in certain ways or at all - this isn't exclusive to larger bodies. In the same way, there are people of all body types who like receiving compliments on their looks.

As someone with a bigger than average belly, who used to frequently get asked if I was pregnant (so I was super self conscious about it before), I love when my partner rubs my belly and calls it cute, because I've come around to accepting my body and can tell they love it too. Many of my friends feel the same way, but some don't. It's really just person to person, and if a direct conversation about it seems too soon right now, you can always hold back for now and just take small steps to show her - since actions can often speak louder than words - that you love her body.

Part of breaking out of fatphobic thought patterns ingrained in us by society is recognizing that fat bodies are discriminated against and go through some specific struggles skinny and midsize people don't, while also realizing we're all the same and our bodies don't define us. The more we treat fat people different because of their body, the more we reinforce society's ideas that there's a better and a worse body type. So while it's great you want to be sensitive to her feelings, as you should, also keep in mind that her body is just a body regardless of how it looks or what size it is.

Here's a great advice column we have about helping your girlfriend (of any body size and type) love her body:
How can I help my girlfriend see how beautiful she really is?
And one from someone feeling hesitant about her partner's body, which doesn't all apply to your situation, but parts of it might be helpful here: How can I warm up to my fat boyfriend?
How do you feel after reading those?